Decisions and my Deliberations

I had written in the fall of 2008 that I had “little to report.”  I’m not really there, but I do think because my chart is air dominant, I’m pretty bored.  I need some mix it up stuff.  Next weekend could start off a little weird.  I’ll get to that in a minute.

This morning, I woke up in that mood wherein I wanted to start my morning with a cuddle and some sex.  So odd that there is not even a dark horse in the running for that.  I told my ex-husband that I’m not going to date anymore.  I’m not either.  It’s going to be hang outs and show ups and no intimacy. I just want to spend time with some women and start seeing who is cool.  Daylight interactions for the most part and night stuff will be at my friends’ houses or with my friends.  The three single ones who I know are not ever going to be love interests.

I have to make a job decision in two weeks.  I can stay where I am, but I won’t have two supervisors who are full-time.  That’s scary.  I think what I will do is I will call the dual-diagnosis campus in our system and see if I can get a f2f with the guy in charge.  If I can, then I’m going to ask if I can do two-hours a week of work there in exchange for some training.  If that’s a go, then I think that I’ll stay.  Otherwise, I’m going to work in another place all together next year.  The screening interview went well, and they already have didactic components.  I’d have to find a way to make some didactics where I currently work because they are only set up once a month for the current intern program.  Decisions.  The other ones are made.

OK, exhibit A.  Church girl is not interested in dating right now, and really she is smart because she has not been employed at all for many months–I have no idea how she pays for her mortgage unless she comes from money–and has some significant health problems.  All of that is really sad, so I know that she just needs good friends.  I am a good friend.  And she makes me laugh, so that is a good friend.

I have such a good name for exhibit B, but I can’t use it, because it has too much detail and may not be anonymous, so I’m just going to call her lonely girl.  Her friends who I met last September no longer talk to her.  She used to be in a serious relationship with my ex’s friend.  Those two do not bode well for being a love interest.  I also don’t trust her 100%.  I think that she tries to paint herself in a favorable light all the time.  That’s against what my friends stand for, and that’s openness and honesty.

Exhibit C is not even!  OMG.  Gross.  We were supposed to have this dinner party that she was hosting next weekend.  She asked if it’s ok that she invited people from work, and I said, “Of course.”  Well, she hasn’t invited anyone.  It’s FRIDAY.  WTF?  I was going to make all the food too.  I chatted her that I was confused because she had asked if she could invite girls from work.  She said, “I don’t keep in touch with many lesbians.”  Made no sense.  How is my friend and I–and she used to date my friend–a dinner party?  I said, “Let’s go to a movie and have pizza or something.”  I like those breweries that have theaters in them.  She said, “If u want.”

Then she asked what hot dates I’ve been on.  I said, “Oh, tons.  I work 60-hours a week, I’m working on my dissertation, searching for an internship, and I single parent.”  I also told her that I’m not dating anymore.  I told her a little about Peter Pan without naming her or referring to her as Peter Pan, and I said that my mistake was not hanging out with her friends.  Then she said, *shudder*, “Are you asking me out?”  I was so taken aback that I said, “Fuck no.”  Are you kidding?  She has balls.  She has done one of my best friends!  She is really big.  She is not cute.  She obviously doesn’t really have friends, because she cannot think of who to invite to a dinner party when I’m cooking for it.  So wrong, like Depeche Mode wrong, on all levels.  So, Friday will be interesting, as I said.  I’m really looking forward to the following Friday, tbh.

All of my positive couple friends will be there and so will church girl.  I don’t know if lonely girl will come.  If she doesn’t, then I’m not ever reaching out to her again, because I called her and got her to put it on her calendar weeks ago.  My friends are amazing.  It’s really a goodbye to them while they leave for a year to do organic farming in HI and also abroad.  Lonely girl was saying that she needs to meet people and I told her that my friends are amazing, and that they would be wonderful contacts for her.  If she doesn’t show, then meeting good, quality people is not for her.  And because her friends who I met no longer talk to her, it’s probably not really that she is actually interested in making good friends.  I have them.  I’m blessed.

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