Monthly Archives: March 2026

by

Lonely

Recently, I had listened to an episode of the podcast “Solo: The Single Person’s Guide to a Remarkable Life” which was about aloneliness, which is when a person starts to get stressed out because there isn’t time to be alone. That is something that I get because I’m introverted.

We all know the Goyte song from 2011 that has the lyrics about telling oneself that a relationship is right and feeling lonely when together with the partner.

I felt that with my ex-GF and my ex-wife many months.

At this point, I am often pretty tired and need me time because a new relationship while exciting, is also consuming.

Dan Siegel writes about the importance of having time in. I need that. I’m going to make a plan to give myself a specific morning and nightly routine to regulate. I also have some things that I’d enjoy working on.

I like to write and also need to work on promoting my book.

Scorpio and I have been talking about polyamory.

For her, she doesn’t want to be limited or told what to do.

For me, I have what I want in her right now. She’s my girlfriend, she’s a travel companion, and she’s also an anchor partner. I define the latter as a person who knows and cares about your day-to-day.

I went on a date on Saturday afternoon. It was with Ph.D.

She is smart, funny, and open.

I felt absolutely no romantic draw to her.

That gave me pause.

The following morning when I was in bed with Scorpio I told her that I was going to get a lot of shit from several of my friends for being monogamous right now. And she said that was a them thing. I asked her what she meant and she said, “______, it’s not like it’s really a poly card anyway, but you’re open. Yes, you’re not specifically putting out seeking energy right now, but it doesn’t mean that if you felt a pull that you wouldn’t see what it was about or limit yourself with a potential connection with a woman.”

I think that much of it is that I’m not lonely at all right now, and with this relationship being so fulfilling at this point in time, I don’t want anything else.

by

Predatory

My new friend that I met on PinkCupid is having strange exchanges with a woman whom she’d matched on HER. I think that the woman is a scammer. My friend thinks that all that matters is that she doesn’t want to engage in a long distance relationship. It doesn’t matter really, and seems to point to the fact that dating apps are pretty awful generally.

Recently, when I was talking to her on the phone I said that I had three matches whom I’d spoken to on the phone who I never met. I told her that I even had one video call with one of the three.

Then I realized that was wrong.

Tesoro and I had 5 phone calls. And two were over an hour long and super entertaining.

Then there was the woman from CA. She was followed by more women: FL, Boston, Seattle, UT, and NY. All of these women had heavy accents–including Tesoro, but hers was educated and refined. I have visuals of them working with another woman to find marks. In January, Scorpio told me that there are offices in Eastern Europe where women report to work to mine for romance. Regardless, all of them want money. This effort is their occupation.

I’m curious if the woman who matched with my friend will ask for money for a flight to see my friend. I know that my friend won’t pay it.

I haven’t logged on HER since the 25th of January.

I have absolutely no bandwidth to go on a date with anyone other than Scorpio at the moment.

That will shift sometime, and it could be a very long time too.

I’m not going to put an expiration date on monogamy.

I’ll date when I want to and have talked through my intentions with Scorpio.

Regardless, PinkCupid uses your pictures forever.

I have evidence because there is a woman who is on my page every time that I log in and under “Seeking” where the time marker says “Two Years Ago.” She’s not going to log back on.

I took all of my pictures off of the site. I also have my profile tag line as “Ask.” That used to say, “Direct, Passionate and Honest (Profile is too.). I don’t have much under “Member Overview,” and have mostly the information about not moving to another app and liking calls under ‘my match criteria “Seeking.” I did, however, leave information in one section.

My Perfect Match:

There is no perfection! And love is abundant. I like tall, athletic and feminine women. And I crave banter and intellectual rapport. I don’t think that defaults make sense in general. Love should be intentionally walked into by both parties and relationships should not be confining or controlled. I met a wonderful woman via another app in January and she and I are going strong.

Do you think that dating apps are predatory? Did the landscape of people on dating apps changed after the economy began to suffer? How does one meet romantic partners post AI?

by

Likeminded

I had gone on a date with a 36-year-old last August. We had excellent chemistry and she definitely liked me. Then the age difference settled in for me and I realized too that I have some issues and also frankly preferences with size. For awhile the latter fucked me up a little bit, and then I realized that she and I could be good friends.

She turned 37 on Thursday so last night I had her over for a birthday dinner of chicken piccata, which I make a lot for friends, saffron rice and baked cauliflower with garlic and olive oil. I was so glad to make her a birthday dinner because her primary partner had a tragic loss about 10-days ago and is out of state now. I don’t know when she’ll be back either, which impacts my friend and also her wife whom she lives with.

This friend is MI.

She’s fantastic.

She’s Solo Poly.

She recently had a date with a woman who she really likes and asked her her birthday, which is in September. MI told me last night that even when she doesn’t know someone is a Virgo, she dates and is attracted to Virgos. Polarity is such a fascinating concept in astrology. I want to study it more. Our conversation spurred me to look up her Sun-Moon combination, which I did.

It was accurate.

What was super cool was that she is Water-Earth-Air (Ascendent or Rising Sign) and I am Earth-Water-Air. That and us being in polarity explains a lot of our compatibility. We both like each other. I had spent NYE with her this year and we enjoyed that too.

I’m interested most at this stage of my life–meaning having lived more days than I have left–in being around people who are interesting and with whom I can be my whole self. I live so far outside of heteronormative parameters, work in a field that is conventional, and have mostly married friends with kids that when I’m socializing now, I would like to be with people wherein being my whole self is not just tolerated but celebrated.

by

Partners

Last night I went to Scorpio’s and her oldest daughter was there too. I have been sick and missed two days of work–I did teach on Tuesday night, but had to let the doctoral students out an hour early–so I made chicken soup. If I wasn’t dating anyone who lived here I’d have had to eat it alone because my son plays D&D with his friends on Wednesdays. I am not contagious anymore, and will work today because I haven’t had a fever in over 36-hours. Last night was fun with Scorpio and her daughter.

We three ate a big pot of chicken soup and they both loved it. I told her that I’m glad that she doesn’t cook because I like my cooking and am controlling in the kitchen. I also said that in romantic partnerships that it’s better if there is only one cook.

We have a cadence now, which is so cool. We hang out together in the middle of the week–I cook–and then we have a weekend overnight. At the moment, we’re only seeing each other.

She takes up all of my bandwidth.

An example is that when we had our third in person date and were in the mountains, we had a dinner at a wine bar and split a bottle of wine. Because I don’t really drink I was loaded. We walked back to our hotel and I left my cell phone at the restaurant. I got it the next day.

This past Saturday she and I went to a patio bar near a lake and she had two glasses of Prosecco and I didn’t drink. We had her sweet dog with us. We walked the lake and she asked that we sit down and look at the water. We held each other snuggled, talked and kissed a little bit on a bench looking at the lake. I didn’t even realize that I took my cell out of my back pocket. I left it on the bench. We were 3/4 back to the starting point of our walk when I realized it. I didn’t remember putting it on the bench. (It’s ok, because I got it back by speaking Spanish with the guy who picked it up and ran it back to me; although, this incident took over an hour.)

Scorpio takes up all of my bandwidth.

I’m not going to space out my cell phone a third time.

I didn’t connect with Seattle this week and she sent me a long text. I told her that we’d meet when it makes sense.

I think that my Matchmaker will be reaching out to me next month.

This morning, I am thinking that June would be a better time for me to go out on some dates.

Scorpio had a few comets recently and I don’t think that any of them are active at the moment. My assumption is that when she goes to Burner events–not the full Labor Day in the dessert–she’ll connect romantically and maybe intimately with whoever.

I have been thinking about when we’re at a music festival camping in May and what that will be like for both of us. I’m willing to let things just take shape there when we’re together. If the situation was right, I would be willing for us to connect with a woman together.

I did something adjacent in 2008 or 2009 at my house when I had a party with an eclectic group of women. It was fun. At the time I was totally solo. I haven’t done things like that when I’ve had a girlfriend.

Last night she brought up my Matchmaker and I told her that I’ve been wanting a travel partner for years now, so I thought that was the only way that I’d get one. She said something about the universe knowing my intentions. That blew me away so I read her what my Matchmaker wrote when she sent me my match (Ph.D.) and I told her that I had an in person date with a 5′ 9″ Scorpio that Friday.

“I love it! That happens a lot when clients start working with us. I like to think it’s the universe knowing that you’re ready and sending you possibilities!”

Scorpio is my girlfriend and feels like an anchor partner. I want to be as open as I can be for other connections.

by

Unacceptable

I am Lemongrab. I like nearly everything a certain way. There are some things that I have to have even when the manner of execution makes no sense to anyone else. My ex-wife was brilliant at pointing this fact out.

I also discovered this week that I can’t deal seeing my GF once a week. I wouldn’t have known it if we hadn’t spent this many days apart. The current tally is now 6.

I texted her that even if it’s brief, I need to see her 2-3 weekly. And she said that she wants a mid-week hang and we should alternate driving.

I live in the city and she’s closer to the mountains.

I did all the driving with my ex-GF with a handful of exceptions and I don’t have my gas guzzler anymore so my driving isn’t an issue at all.

I have my long hair appointment today. I think that I’ll read about psilocybin when I’m in the chair. “Queen Ester” is at work and I just need to power through with that and set more limits with clients so I can move to a new book. I’m enjoying it, and it’s reeeally difficult to read at work.

I digress.

After my hair appointment I’m helping my GF’s daughter with some picture hanging. I’ll bring my level and my yardstick. My GF has a drill.

Then I don’t know what we’re doing for our weekend date. She’s a Game Day girl. She tells me what she wants to do after having some private reflection. She’s also a wee bit impulsive.

I like that.

Then everything else about her is steady and measured.

Her parenting.

Her daily walk.

Her long career.

Did I mention that I’m desperately missing her?

Right before I got out of bed around 6 am, I was having a dream about kissing her. I could feel everything… It was detailed and lovely.

I’M NOT GOING TO DO A WEEK AGAIN!

by

Eclipse

Woke me up. At about 1:30, I woke up and couldn’t fall back asleep.

I also have had to for the millionth time since being a parent move my son’s PS5 out of my Rec Room. He was finally home when I saw the bright light of the moon.

I used to have 8 dinner forks. When I get to the point of losing the 4th one–which lends me to believe that I can’t have company–I freak the fuck out.

Yes, that is chicken tenders and BBQ sauce on a closet shelf

Oh, I have a girlfriend! I asked Scorpio to be my girlfriend in a sweet yet direct moment in which I was my awkward self and she said, “Yes.” That happened on Thursday. I was texting with her on Sunday night and asked her to do some magic to find my dinner fork and then I went back into my son’s room and found it in a shallow soup bowl in the shelf above his closet bar. She is magic.

My son is addicted to fast food and his PS5. Without a girlfriend, he’s rudderless. However, that doesn’t mean that he can trash out my house and invite bugs or mice with no consequences. I told him that if he sets up the PS5 back in the Rec Room while he still lives here that I’ll repossess his car. And I will. I bought it outright for him and the title is in my name. I also insure it.

He has no respect for himself or for very simple rules. He’s an immature 20. He is also revolting.

Back to the cooler side of the eclipse.

There is a tendency for Virgos anyway to self-analyze and criticize with such pressure that one can be rendered into inaction.

At this point, advice that I have found is to let my relationships grow through presence rather than performance and practice boundaries and self-care.

I can have boundaries with my son. I can be a strong and affirming presence with my new girlfriend.