Stream of consciousness

I haven’t seen her in about 10-weeks and tonight will be a funny reconnection.  We are seeing a psychic do a “presentation?”  I don’t know what she does, but my friend who I don’t completely trust, but has been in my life for nine-years said this woman is amazing.  She apparently can channel many lost loved ones.  Not that I subscribe to coincidences anyway, but it is amazing that this night takes place the night before her father passed a year ago.  I don’t know what she’ll channel, but it will be fascinating, I’m sure.

I wrapped some natural chicken thighs in non-nitrate turkey bacon and am baking them.  It smells good.  I cut up three gigantic carrots and diced some onions and celery hearts and put them in the bottom on the crock.  I soaked the lentil blend last night.  I’ll combine them with broth before I go to work.  The boys will have a comforting pot of food.

I’m feeling pretty neutral.  I remember when I met her for a glass of wine in mid-October I felt this same way.  She looked liked shit that night too, because she was worried about her surgery, so it was easy just to chat.  She said something shitty to me and touched my hand and I pulled back.  It was condescending.  I hope that I don’t have to put up with much of her shit tonight.  I just want to laugh a little.

We stopped laughing.

We laughed one time in September–when I mistook Mr. Clean for Listerine–and the other times it was completely heavy.  Way too serious.

Was it just a dopamine rush for three-months?  Waaaay back in 2011…  I think that there was more, but I do think that she was on her best behavior with me, and then couldn’t maintain.  She does these highly affected things so she won’t look like a controller.  Her moods are really intense and completely volatile.

If we don’t laugh tonight, I won’t do anything but send cards.  She told me to tell her when I’m dating, but I don’t want that energy around when I finally do sleep with someone.  And, I don’t want to sleep with anyone who I don’t know again, so I’m just doing the friend surrounding currently.

I was craving apples yesterday morning so I posted it.  The girl ten-years my junior who I had a date with last summer wrote about a “juicy mango?”  I took that like an offer so I posted it.  Honestly, I really wouldn’t mind sleeping with her every other weekend if that would be appealing to her.  I may ask at the end of March.  I do miss Shane for that reason given that in 2009 she was 10-minutes away, and we could hook up and it was fun, and low maintenance.  I do know this young girl, so that would fit my current bill.  However, does it delay her being able to look for a partner and have some kids?  I’m direct.  I may ask.  I’ll see how she presents in church on Sunday before I ask.

I have all of this work to do.  I have to get it all done by 4/30 too.  Insane.  Especially when I’m already working 60-hours a week and am pushing 40.  On top of all of this, I’m on new meds for acne that make having my cycle what I do everyday nearly.  That is just lovely as well.

I wonder why I’m happy?  I am.  I have taken to holding my son against my chest laying parallel to the length of the sofa and toward the corner while I read to him.  He was sick last Wednesday and we started this tradition.  I have great friends.  The little circle of lesbians that I’m finally assembling (after wanting it for nearly two-years) is taking off and now our dinner parties will rove.  I have a lead for my doctoral internship.  I’m out of a negative relationship.  I think I get why life is good and I’ll take that energy with me tonight to the psychic.

4 thoughts on “Stream of consciousness

  1. lanie belluz says:

    Well, i hope it was a good time and can’t wait to hear. Funny, when you mentioned Shane in an earlier post I thought you were refering to Shane in The L Word and not someone you were with previously. Lol – I’m so dense sometimes.

  2. lanie belluz says:

    Bette was always my fav just for the fact that I had a crush on her when I was a kid and saw her in flashdance. I hated her uppy attitude in the L word, though. And, really, I could never figure out how the characters could make all that money in the jobs they had. For the houses and cars they had they should have been doctors and lawyers. But, that’s just me overthinking it…..

  3. TomBoy says:

    Yeah, and Tina and Bette’s baby only needs tending to at intervals… Like THAT would happen. I’d do Helena.

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