I started off my day having breakfast with one of my first cousins whom I’d not seen since 1997. I met her kids too, and they were so cool. I had to take my dog to the vet–she had a concerning lab result in her blood, and they’re running her blood through the lab again. I also had an appointment (telemedicine) for me because I’m having weird aches in my hips and can’t sleep very well given being perimenopausal. That appointment was great and the outcome will be part of subsequent entries as I trial out two meds. And then I went to a bowling team member’s house to cook meals that our other team member had ordered and couldn’t cook given the funeral back east for her paternal grandmother. We ate the meals with our friend who named our bowling team. I got a text showing the water cremation container and alter type of area in the family viewing area too for my former sister-in-law. It was a busy day.
I got to sleep around 10:30. However, I had weird nightmares and can only remember one with any detail this morning.
I’ve had nightmares most of my life. I had them as a child, adolescent, and young adult. During my second marriage they were less frequent.
I probably hadn’t had one this disturbing or memorable in 5-years or so.
The nightmare: I was helping my former in-laws in a house. My brother-in-law was in and out of the house and the last time he left he said that he was going elsewhere. I was changing in a bedroom and saw his face in the window and then he sauntered off. I went outside to confront him, had trouble finding him, and then found him by an out building under a tree. He said that he was playing music and there was a guitar and some whistles also outside. The latter were those that Pan or another mythical creature would play.
When I got back to the bedroom he was staring in again, and I screamed for him to leave. He stared me down, his eyes glowed white, and he put his large palm on the window and it glowed.
I think that it’s probably time for me to get back in talk therapy.
I read completely this summer “The Body Keeps the Score,” and found the chapters on yoga, theater, and art inspiring.
Moving traumatic memories through your body is efficacious and may be a better modality for people who’ve gone through events which were outside of their control.
I flirt around with learning to dance, recording audio content for books (I have a very nice speaking voice), and keeping up with my boxing.
However, I think that in addition to any new body centered practice, I better do some work with regards to this murder which I’m obviously processing.
My childhood was weird. I lost my brother in an accident that severely injured me. I have atrophy on my lower left side due to that accident. My parents never picked up the pieces of losing my brother and I probably haven’t either. My Dad was emotionally and physically abusive. My son was very difficult to raise, and he’s not raised yet. My ex-wife was the love of my life. She has massive health problems and is now partnered in an unconventional situation with a man. I think that is a good idea for her for a variety of reasons and she hadn’t been with a man since 8-10th grade.
Anyway, I have memories and experiences that are likely stuck in my body. I need to approach making sense of experiences so I’m not carrying the weight of them.
I take solo vacations and have since 2021. They commemorate the end of the major terms at work. I only teach one class in the summer term and it’s an easy one. Only in the summer of 2017 did I teach something relatively difficult. So, annually, I get to take 4-6 days to myself and have been seeing places where I’ve never been and, of course, I hike or cycle. They’re restorative.
Before I flew out, things seemed good until one of the irrigation settings had been turned on to every hour instead of everyday by the landscaping company. I figured that out at 12:30 am, so it made my 7:56 am plane ride the following morning rough give my lack of substantial sleep. I had to nap at the hotel too. My son watched the house and took care of my pets. However, he turned off the water to the brand new cooler, which broke the pump because it pulled dirt, debris, and bits of straw panels through it. I’ll likely have a hot house for 8-days, because I had to order a pump last night at 11:00 pm, and it won’t come into the store for a week. He also blew out the pilot light to the water heater. Thank you, Same Day Contractor. I’m using the whole house fan–with all windows open every morning in an effort to get cool air trapped for much of the day.
My trip
TN: I had to change hotels in Knoxville at the last minute due to their having a fire at the one that I booked by the Tennessee Theater. I still haven’t been refunded, because I paid ahead of time, the Hyatt said that they refunded me, and booking.com said that I have to contact my bank. This type of customer service run around is the way of the world.
My flight was early, but was good. I was just exhausted because of the irrigation turning on at my house three times every hour, and likely some stress given the quick change of hotels. My rental car was picked up seamlessly. I stayed downtown still, but it was on the quieter side of the city and not near the famous theater. I kept trying to get pictures of the theater at night, but they didn’t come out well. During the day there was traffic, so I couldn’t get a good shot, but it’s gorgeous as is the whole downtown. I was shocked to see celebrations of Pride everywhere downtown given that I was in TN.
Knoxville is very, very cool. The town reminds me of a very hilly Boulder, CO without the wildness of college kids. It’s tame and quiet. It’s also beautiful. I walked to the university and then back through the World’s Fair Park. I wound up getting drenched because I left my raincoat in my hotel, but was able to get my stuff dried out in the a/c.
Likely most people have pictures of the golden globe above the city to represent World’s Fair Park. However, I found it most cool that the pianist and composer Rachmaninoff played his last concert in TN and that this statue commemorates this performance. This shot was also taken at World’s Fair Park. Knoxville is walkable and has really good food. Before my nap I went to Market Square and had oysters and a Po’ Boy.
The Brass Pearl makes their own hot sauces! I even had to admit that the Habeñero Peach was spicy!
I logged 19,266 steps the first day in Knoxville and had a good IPA and wonderful fish tacos for a super late dinner.
This place is great.
When I was walking back to get to my hotel, the fireflies danced around the old graves at the First Presbyterian Church. It was like they lit up the grave markers and came on like a light had been switched. It was a cool church anyway and the graves that could be seen were from the 1790s. I don’t usually take pictures of graves, so you’ll have to trust me that the appearance of the fireflies suddenly gave me pause and was neat!
I got up and ate the included breakfast at the hotel and it was good. I had a large quiche bite, spinach and turkey sausage patties. I don’t typically eat meat at all on vacation, but had little choice on this particular trip. I’ll get to that later…
After breakfast I walked to the East Tennessee Historical Society (ETHS) and the gentleman was friendly and opened the gift shop for me. I needed postcards and had brought a sheet of postcard stamps. I walked to the outdoor art exhibit and took in the pieces. Then I sat on the bench and wrote.
Beautiful outdoor area at the ETHS and the weather was perfect–low 70s and breezy
I hiked at the Ijams Nature Center. It’s beautiful and a short drive from the city. It wouldn’t be walkable though because the roads are even too narrow for two SUVs. You pay only a $5 parking fee and can walk any of combination of the 14-miles of trails available.
There are paved and wilder trails here at Ijams
I bought a new soap dish that fits my pedestal sink perfectly in the gift shop that was made by a local artist. I had gotten two mosquito bites on my hike. The clerk told me that coconut oil mixed with lavender oil is the best mosquito repellent for folks who attract them like I do. (Once my cooler is fixed, I’ll try that when I’m working in my yards. I can’t do that until then because I won’t have reprieve when I come inside to hydrate and get out of the sun.)
Then I was off to Cookeville.
I was disappointed with my accommodations. It smelled like stale smoke. Because the weather was cool, I was able to open the door and also several windows. Then I found the culprit. There were two bedrooms in this little house and the one on the right didn’t have windows that would open. It was stale air that had that hint of cigarette smoke. I elected to sleep in the other bedroom. I left after airing it out a little bit and went to Burgess State Park.
This dam was built in 1929
The loop is a 1.5 mile hike to each of the falls. I think that one is a cascade and the other three are legitimate waterfalls that get progressively larger as you continue to hike down the trail. It was not crowded at all and the Ranger was helpful. All parks and natural areas are free in TN. There are not entrance fees. You rarely pay to park in parks or natural areas in this state either.
I wish that I hadn’t been hungry! I’d only had my breakfast that morning in Knoxville. Looking back, I wish that I’d gotten back in my rented car and driven to the Window Cliffs Trailhead. The area also looks gorgeous. It’s adjacent to Burgess Falls State Park and the trailhead is about 5-miles away, but after even a small hike and the two-hour drive in the morning, I needed fuel.
I drove into the town of Cookeville and the Brewery that I wanted to visit wasn’t open on Mondays or was the seafood place where I wanted to eat. I was lucky that a locally owned restaurant was and the food was wonderful. It’s called Crawdaddy’s.
Fried green tomatoes with lump crab (delicious, but cut too thick). First Grass Roots Ale down the hatch
Hot garlic shrimp on converted rice with two sides. I chose broccoli and asparagus. It was so, so good! So was the beer out of Sparta, TN
I drove back to my accommodations and aired it out a little more. I was ready for Roku and walking around there a little bit. There was a handgun training school very close to my inn, and so I walked up there because I initially didn’t know why there was so much barking–just friendly dogs guarding the school. They were cute, but very noisy. I got most of the staleness cleared, but didn’t sleep great. Again, I got to watch fireflies, which was so cool as I’d not seen any in probably 30-years.
KY: I drove to Kentucky the next day. There isn’t any place to use the restroom on the secondary roads in this part of Kentucky. There are many churches, but those are not open on a Tuesday.
I finally really had to go to the bathroom and stopped at a local grocery. It was the zombie apocalypse grocery store. There was no rhyme or reason to the organization of the food on the shelves and many shelves were barren. Boxes of cereal and other items had been piled in the refrigerated produce and dairy bins and there was nothing fresh at all. I asked to use the restroom and said that I would buy something. They gave me directions to it and I walked around all these weird aisles with random boxes on them. Finally, I found it and it was beyond filthy. I was grateful to have a toilet though as none of the areas near the rolling hills had trees. I bought a gallon of spring water and left.
I got to my bed and breakfast and was able to check in. The room was laid out in a crowded way, but was clean. The bathtub didn’t drain so I had a gross shower in two to three inches of water, but was glad to be clean and not smell stale smoke. I left after my shower and hiked 5-miles in the area around Mammoth Caves.
KY is incredibly green and has lots of rolling hills. This view shows what the state looks like from an elevated point between trees.This body of water is the aptly named, Green River, and I couldn’t take the ferry because the water was too high for that service to run in the National Park
I hiked 5-miles and really enjoyed having lots of solitude and seeing the area. Most people walk around the rim of the National Park and then wait for their tour ticket time. I saw a deer and enjoyed the dense forest, rock formations and some steep grades for hiking. The hiking is good in the area surrounding the cave entrances and visitor’s center.
I was the last person to have seating in the restaurant in the park because they were closing, so I tipped the server 30%. I would never want to be that person and have served twice before, so it was only fair to my server. When people come in when you’re closing it’s beyond annoying. I elected to not get bacon in my grilled cheese so it didn’t taste like anything and the fries were like rocks, but I was so hungry having only eaten one of the tomatoes from the night before and an avocado that I brought on the plane. Everyone was nice and attentive.
I took the Extended Historical Tour that evening. My guide’s name was Emily and she was very good. I found out later that she’d been raised in Kentucky and her Dad was a Park Ranger. She knew a lot about the ancient indigenous people who first used these caves around 2,000-years ago, the saltpeter mining for some of the gunpowder used in the war of 1812, and Stephen Bishop, the very first guide and explorer of areas in the cave that had not been discovered in recorded history.
My step count was 23,251.
I slept fairly well at the bed and breakfast that night and ate breakfast with a couple from NH the next morning. I had to ask them to be seated with them as I was the only solo traveler. The host seemed surprised, but the couple was friendly and around my age. I had bacon. I couldn’t have choices in what was plated for me because I would’ve had to tell the inn the day before. I started to realize that in KY, everything has bacon, so the grilled cheese at the restaurant in the National Park wasn’t unique nor a food anomaly.
Having booked another tour, I returned to Mammoth Caves. At 9:45 I took the Grand Avenue Tour, which doesn’t use the Historical or the New Entrance. We had to board a bus. We then went down through pristine entrance. Our guide was pretty sarcastic, but good at his job. I learned a ton, had a four-mile jaunt and got views of what seemed like the inside of a river canyon, and formations that were similar to those which were familiar having seen Carlsbad Caverns with my son in the summer of 2022.
When you start your first mile on the Grand Avenue Tour“‘Tis the Last Rose of Summer” is a song from the early 1800s that gave this formation it’s nameView from the last sets of stairs on the 4-mile tour
This area of the cave is less popular and much better maintained. The hike was long, but worth it and it was an area mostly untouched by oils from human skin. If you visit Mammoth Caves don’t expect to randomly get in, you have to book a specific tour in advance. I would take the River of Styx Tour if I ever came back.
I ate my only good meal in KY after my hike. I typically have a no Mexican food rule on vacation because it’s gross outside of NM, parts of TX and CO. I went to the Watermill and they were doing only a buffet which horrifies me, so I asked a woman smoking on the top patio there where I could get seafood. She recommended El Matzalan, and I turned up my nose, but she said that I could get shrimp. So, I went, and again, it was my best meal in KY. I had them grill jalapeños alongside the green peppers on the camarones Jalisco dish. Excellent white sauce, and again, because it’s KY, bacon. However, it was wonderful.
I’d never had this lager and it was good too!
I went to the brewery, Yancey’s Gastro pub, in Glasgow and it was also wonderful. The Apron Leaf IPA was excellent. Then I walked the town for a little while trying to find the fort, but couldn’t. The people were friendly and helpful, but I was tired, so I drove back to the inn. I sat outside looking at the hills and reading my book. (That was when my son started calling me about the cooler that he broke and he’d frantically do that for the remainder of my trip.) I listened to the roaring trains and relaxed outside for about an hour.
Lush, chill rural Kentucky
I realized that I had a minimum of a 5-hour drive the next day, so I had to eat something before I got on the road. I’d be skipping the breakfast the next day that was included. I went to another Mexican place recommended by the inn keepers, but it was like shrimp in mayo on tortillas. Not a great meal and was obviously more of a cocktail bar, which is probably why it was recommended.
I logged 25,712 steps this day.
I got coffee at Miss Betty’s the next day and the staff was so nice. I should have eaten breakfast too, but I wasn’t hungry yet. So, I drank only two cups of coffee so as to be caffeinated enough to drive to North Carolina.
I am glad that I saw KY on this solo vacation.
I had a really long drive. I was back on the rolling hills aggravating folks for driving the speed limit on the curves until I got out of KY. I stopped for the restroom at the State Line convenience mart and asked to use the restroom. People are so friendly in TN. The clerk insisted twice that I didn’t have to buy anything, but having starved a couple of times on this particular vacation, I bought a granola bar.
I was fascinated by the jars with pickled chicken and quail eggs. He asked if I needed something specific and I said, “No, I had never seen single jars (6-8 eggs) of pickled chicken eggs outside of a vat behind a counter. And these quail ones are not something that I’ve ever seen. I think that every region has it’s own unique cuisines.” He said, “What about pickled bologna?” and he pulled up one of those vats that typically have eggs or large pickles in them, but it was hot sauce red. I told him No, and the young guy in the store with me said, “You’re not from around here, are you?” I told him that I wasn’t and he told the clerk, “I’ll be needing a couple of pieces of that.”
I got back in the car and made the mistake of thinking that driving through Pigeon Forge would be something that I could do without eating. I wanted to eat in NC. However, I just needed to be free of the Las Vegas of TN, which is Pigeon Ford, so I ate at Bullfish. It was great. All of my meals in TN were.
Charbroiled oysters with Hippies and Cowboys IPAWild caught pistachio encrusted trout with siracha butter, grilled broccoli and rice pilaf
After an hour, I was ready to continue on through Pigeon Forge. I got gas at a Buc ee’s.
Wow.
Wal-Mart with the cleanest restrooms on the planet and more crowds than Dollywood. I picked up Korean BBQ Beef Jerky, which horrified me later because when I was getting gas a huge cow was bellowing in the hot trailer on the other side of the island of pumps.
NC: I finally got to Cherokee. I had a no frills cabin with only one window because the one by the bed housed an air conditioner. However, the bed was the best one that I had on my whole solo vacation. It was nice and firm and I could look out the window in the bathroom while laying in bed. I also had a beautiful reading spot across the road on the property.
There is a little wooden bench by this roaring creek. NC was so nice.
I walked the town of Cherokee that night. The river has fishing and swimming and you could see the bottom. It was gorgeous. I also walked the bamboo forest in this area.
Ocanaluftee Islands Park
Cherokee is beautiful. Although I didn’t quite log 10,000 steps this day; I thoroughly loved being in NC. People are friendly, helpful, and my accommodations included roaring water. Driving through TN and getting into the Smokies was also wonderful.
Hemlock are dying because of an insect. Rangers are trying to use a specific insecticide on them.
I slept the best the whole trip on this night. I had a nice blackened fish meal at All Fried Up. I was so excited to hike the Smokies the next day.
Cherokee, NC is walkable and niceBlackened fish with green beans. All entrees come with coleslaw, hush puppies and a corn bread muffin and you get to pick what you’d like for a side dish!
I got up and went to the Visitor’s Center. I walked the river and the farm. From the ranger at the main house on the farm I learned that the Great Smoky Mountains National Park has 800-miles of trails and 2,100 miles of water flowing through it. I hiked just under two-hours near the Visitor’s Center and enjoyed the buildings and equipment on the farm. I had a nice quiet hike along the river and enjoyed walking through the outdoor museum here.
River Trail on the other side of the farm near the Ocanaluftee Visitor Center
After writing out some postcards, I got back in the car with Ranger directions to Deep Creek area of the park. I got worried that I’d done something wrong because I hadn’t hit the trailhead yet. I stopped at Deep Creek Tube Center and Campground. There I found one of the most genuinely nice people who I encountered on my trip. If you go to the NC side of the Smokies, rent your tubes or camp here. She loved her job and explained that I hadn’t quite reached the area to park yet. She read my directions provided at the Visitor’s Center and said that those would confuse her too. She gave me a little map and highlighted how to continue my short drive and where to park.
When I got there it reminded me a bit of a commercial waterpark, so I just started hiking. People were carrying tubes and yelling. Some were also drinking really heavily.
The first two waterfalls were very pretty.
Tom Branch FallsIndian Creek Falls
That day marked not only my most miles of just hiking, but made me appreciate how easily you can either get a little lost or be around no other human. However, I saw butterflies, wild water, waterfalls, and areas wherein I didn’t feel safe as a solo hiker going alone. There is apparently a cemetery in the hills around Deep Creek, but trees had fallen on parts of the trail, so I turned back around.
I had stopped up where you can see light and a contour in the trail because there was a fallen tree and no one around. I hadn’t seen anyone in almost an hour.
I felt like I could hear wildlife breathing. I also hiked around another steep trail within the trails and turned back around because of some poop that I saw that didn’t look like horse poop. It’s a little scary at times to be hiking or cycling alone. I tended to turn back when I felt like there was too much risk being solo.
I would recommend a hiking partner at the Deep Creek area and maybe other areas too. I would also recommend a hiking hat with a net because mosquitos swarm your face and when you wave them over and over it makes your view of things less spontaneous. It was somewhat steep too, so I probably would’ve benefitted from my trekking poles for the descents.
I was glad that I didn’t have encounters with any bears. I loved this hike and felt accomplished. I was wondering why folks were not hiking up? Perhaps the Deep Creek area is mostly for tubers. I decided when I was winding back down through the trails to see the last falls. I knew it would be steep again and was covered in sweat, but I was curious about them.
Juney Whank Falls – so worth the just under a mile hike
In total, I was hiking for about two-hours in this area. I covered nearly 5-miles and logged 11,660 steps.
I drove back to Bryson City and realized that I was no longer interested in the hour and some change drive to Asheville. I know that when I see friends this weekend I’ll get chided about that, but I didn’t want to spend another three-hours in the car when it was my last day on this solo vacation. I went to Bryson City Brewing and ate some Brussel sprouts and hung out. I found out that there would be karaoke later. My server, Lara, was cool and fun to talk to. I learned from them that folks work seasonally here as river guides. Lara recommended Mountain Layers Brewing, so I walked up there and enjoyed a wonderful IPA. I bought a wine glass to take home so I always remember it.
When I was walking back, I heard an incredible singer. It was Lara’s friend who is also a guide. I went inside and ate nachos with beer cheese and noticed that no one else would sing. I had already complemented this singer who sang and left. She was remarkable. I thought that she sounded autotuned. I felt like I’d not heard someone quite this good in a long time. I sang once and then went back to my cabin. I logged 25,704 steps that day.
The next day, I drove toward Gatlinburg mostly through Great Smoky Mountains National Park. I did pull over for the bathroom once. I stopped paid the $5 fee (Again, like TN, you may pay to park, but don’t have any entrance fees) and walked around the rim of Clingman’s Dome Visitor’s Center. June 15, 2024 was the park’s 90th birthday! I saw a little sign that marked the Appalachian Trail that marked over 1900-miles to Maine! That sign gave me pause having been on Mt Dessert Island two years ago.
I’m so grateful to have seen and also hiked some of these Great Smoky Mountains!
7-years ago the pipe that took water out of the house to the city sewer system caved in and backed up all the plumbing in the house. The basement was flooded. Our pets were so freaked out. We didn’t have our tiny black cat at the time, but the dogs and the two cats were cowering, trying to comfort each other and in general fear mode.
Not right now. My dog is asleep next to me. Her sister is in a little bed that she uses. My cats are all three sleeping on my bed. I can’t believe it because the jackhammer is shaking the front of our house.
I tend to think that animals follow your lead. I don’t like all the noise, but I’m not reacting much to it. It’s just annoying, but I know that it won’t last forever.
It was over 17k all said and done.
The work that I’m doing now is nowhere near that amount. I paid out of pocket for removal of trees that were really overgrown weeds all along the perimeter of the backyard. I also paid out of pocket for all the insulation that I did this winter, and think that I can do that too with the work that I’m having done right now.
It’s significant to me to be able to choose what needs to be done and the timeline for it.
This entry is about construction and improvement.
I’m getting a concrete block at my garage entry, a drainage system to divert water from the front of the roof to the tree on the east side of my house, the irrigation going, a new porch, demolition of the hideous concrete in the back where the irrigation, hose hook-up, and evaporative cooler water flow is, the 60s or 70s tin shed is already gone, they’re laying a new concrete base, and new concrete on the side of garage where a poorly installed irrigation system had eaten away the concrete.
The Carpenter will custom build a small shed after the concrete is poured and is completely cured
I’m chilling. It’s noisy, dusty and disruptive. However, it’s not all that bad and my animals know that too. They’re not reacting much at all even when the crew is cutting rebar against our house. I’m constructing myself too. I love living alone, getting rid of deteriorating things, and looking forward to all the renewal.
It got oppressively hot this week. Everything is fried. I sat in the heat on the patio drinking coffee last weekend in a glider on the porch. There are chickadee babies in the birdhouse in the corner and it’s very sweet to watch them feed their babies larvae and little grasshoppers. I’ve been keeping the hanging birdbath that I got with Aveda points full of water for them. I am going to work all summer to improve both gigantic yards so I can sit outside. I’ll sit in the back this summer and sit up front in the fall.
Last summer it rained throughout May and most of June. We had 5.86 inches of rain in June. This place usually gets 15 inches of precipitation in a year! It was really hard to do any yard work because it was raining and often very hard. Then the weather shifted and it just got beastly hot. I’m paying for that pattern next year. We have city composting, and on Saturday and Sunday I filled up my city bin with cheat grass, some long bindweed and Mullen. One of the latter had blown in the yard in 2020 or 2021 and now the seeds propagate everywhere from wind, birds and such.
I think it will take me forever to get these weeds under control. I gave my Roundup to my neighbor because it disturbs me to kill all the moths, butterflies and lady bugs. The bindweed is hideous. I’m unsure if you can ever truly get rid of it anyway.
I didn’t make a dent in the weeds.
Family Connections: I spent the majority of the weekend with my family because my cousin got married. She is my first cousin’s daughter. The former and I are very close. It was so great to be with her and her kids. Those interactions didn’t feel weedy with the exception of my son hitting a wall, getting overwhelmed, having a bizarre conversation on the phone with his girlfriend in the car after we had to leave the wedding, and then going home with me to talk.
Saturday night he told me that he wants to break up with her and doesn’t know how. Yesterday when we worked out he said that they were taking a break and then going to couple’s therapy after the break. I told him that an 18-year-old has to go to couple’s therapy is sad and strange. It’s no secret that I don’t approve in the slightest of their relationship. I’m not going to comment ever again about it. That situation is entangled too.
A few sunflowers in the bindweed
Children’s Book: It’s May. I told the Climber that I’d ask her again about illustrating our book and that story has a few turns too.
I had a good day at my other site. My last day there is May 31st! I got a really good job next year for that part of my assignment.
After seeing clients who are done, and terminating with three clients, I did documentation and wrote a report for my other site. I decided to go home an hour early and use sick leave.
We have instant messaging at work that it’s a little bit like Slack, and I chatted to the Climber, “Do you have a second today to answer a personal question?”
I didn’t hear back and left around 3. I was driving home and in a mass of traffic and got a text from her. She never texts. It said, “Came to look for you in your office!” I texted her a picture of my dashboard and the street. I got home and she texted again. It said, “Mega hailstorm here and I hope that you’re driving safe.” I sent her a picture of my dog and my son’s cat on the rug with a text caption, “I’m home safely. I hope that your drive is safe given the weather.” Then she called me 10-minutes later!
We had a quick conversation and she asked what I wanted to ask her. I said, “Well, it’s May, and I told you that I wouldn’t bug you about our book, but I’d ask again in May. Can you illustrate for us?” She apologized for not working on it and said, “Yes.” It was definitive. I told her that with the Boss laying into her, her not knowing if she’d still work there in the fall and spring, and all the stuff going on, I understood and that was great news. So, if she’s at work on the 31st, I’ll have to ask her about timelines.
Lots of weeds. Lots of connections. Some sunflowers.
We’ve had a few warm days. The new trees have leaf buds on them and most of the trees in the neighborhood are now fully leafed out. This year, I’ll get nearly as many irises as I did last year. One did snap in the high winds, but is still tilted on the plant. Last year it rained all May and June and we’ve had little moisture this year. I had tons of irises last year and didn’t see them until they were spent. I was a mess last spring given trying to get the house on the market.
We had these bulbs for 8-years, but they didn’t bloom until after our divorce. They were given to my ex-wife by a friend that she ended her friendship with because of the friend not prioritizing her.
We won both games of kickball last night. I got on base four times and scored runs twice. I popped the ball up during our last game because the sun was setting in my eyes. I tagged a runner out before he could score or get back to third.
I’ve started running again and will do mostly interval runs. I had forgotten how hungry running makes me, but I’ll do it because my son is going to the gym with me twice a week with a goal of three times. I had already been doing the elliptical every Monday, and don’t want to get bored. I also believe in cross training, so running again every week will be good.
I have to walk my dogs and then go to one of our largest parks in the city for the spring clean up. I love volunteering and will do more of it now that I only have one class to teach in the summer term.
Did you know that you have a knock sensor in your engine? Mine was failing. The check engine light is no longer intermittently coming on, but it was $648.
I have to go to Ann Taylor for slacks and a new shirt. I don’t have any slacks that fit me very well. I don’t want to be in a dress at my dinner tonight because my legs are sooooo white. I bruise really easily too so I need a tan to wear shorts, or bare leg skirts and dresses.
The event is a dinner. I was invited by the author. She is becoming a mentor to me. I get to go to our group on the 20th as well. I’ll be done with bowling league this Monday.
I’m that combination of nervous-excited. Uncomfortable emotions for sure, but I’m pushing through them.
As compared to most people, I have a different relationship to phones generally, and think that it’s because I’m a Gen Xer. Mine rang at 7:20 and I was just slightly late as it went to VM. I was still in bed due to the nice overcast morning. (I don’t have my cell anywhere near me at night.) I like to talk on the phone. In fact, if I talk on the phone on a weekend day, I don’t have to see or talk to anyone for the rest of the day and still feel happy.
The actor Molly Ringwald in “16 Candles” spends evenings talking on the phone. It’s a thing in that movie that she has a phone in her room with a dedicated phone number.
I, myself, used to stretch the cord through the whole house into my room when I was twelve in one of the rentals that we lived in. I could talk on the phone in private in my room.
I think that now people use phones to scroll through extremely short videos. It’s little dopamine hits as they laugh or smile. It’s being chained to a feed of hits to the reward center in the brain. In contrast, my belief is that talking on the phone involves a connection to another person. I simply like having conversations on a phone. I like the weight of a cordless phone, and have one with a spiral cord in my bedroom. (I do have the ringer off on that one.)
What do you think? Are you confused by the picture in this entry?
Parenting Update: My son came over for dinner last night and we talked. He is now obese and it’s so sad. I don’t want to fix him, but I want to support his health. He’s agreed to work out with me on Tuesdays and Thursdays. He can only do every other Tuesday, because he goes to his girlfriend’s parents’ house on Tuesday nights. I guess that is fine because I teach on Tuesday and then start teaching again on August 20th. I want him to increase his own positive self-talk too.
Spring Weather I walked the dogs this morning before my first evaluation meeting on Zoom and connected with a neighbor. The ducks were landing in the creek and the air was cold and humid. It was so nice. I see this neighbor most afternoons, and I was walking early this morning as I’m working from home, so I saw him. My older dog played with his adopted pit bull on their leashes. I also had a good talk with my next door neighbor about work in both of our houses and my spring solo vacation. It was so nice to be outside connecting.
Home I’m in a great space. I love having the fence fixed and will have everything paid off on Tuesday. I had already paid for all of the electrical work.
A company put in insultation in several walls and above my cabinets. Sadly, I can be so distrusting, so I’m going to check the attic before I write my review too. I know the old insultation was removed, and I hope that I have a ton up there alongside a barrier when I check it.
I didn’t accrue any interest on these things and am so glad for that. I feel lucky that I make enough money to do work in my house.
My Work I’ve been fixing myself too. I am working on kindness to all and neutrality in some instances. I feel physically fit and solid.
Lately, I’ve had new readers to my blog. I also have folks that have stopped by here for 12-years. I think that the advice that I could impart to readers is to take a spring assessment of what you’re doing and if those actions are creating what you want.
What are you working on this spring? Do you have anything that you know requires fortification? Is there a character trait which you’re addressing?
My Aunt turns 70 today. I was supposed to be there, but I had an oppressive headache and then a sore throat on Thursday so after I completed an annual weird requirement that I have daily for about 9-days a year at work, I just went home. I have hundreds of hours of sick leave, so taking five of them didn’t matter much. I slept. I knew then that I wouldn’t have the bandwidth for 10-hours in the car over the course of about 26-hours total on Saturday and Sunday. My Aunt is super religious, so she thinks that my not being there is all part of the grand plan.
There are things that we can’t control. We can run the risk of doing very little and being given to inertia because of our own inaction. Like my tattoo, like everything, it’s all a balance.
I took the climber to work last Monday and I asked her if she could still illustrate for me. Mostly, I got a non-answer. It was “I love the story. Originally, I said that I didn’t know that I was the best person for the job. Then things have gotten so complicated at work, so I haven’t sketched much.”
I told her that I would ask her again in May.
I’m not sure that I’ll see her much after the end of May either and that does make me really sad.
I’m not worried about another illustrator. With her being non-binary she is the best person for the job because of my content; however, she’s historically really difficult to pin down anyway. That sounds kinky, and I don’t mean it that way, but she always has good intentions and little follow through. The drawing for the book is like other things that have never happened, and that is not about me, but is about her.
There are a whole bunch of things that I’ve said to clients frequently and one of them is, “You can control yourself.” I’ve done a really good job with her in terms of having no expectations or demands. I can control that.
I also am proud that I told her on the way home last Monday that I’m being as kind as I can with everyone who I date going forward; although, I’ve yet to have a third date with anyone. I have been told that because I won’t remarry or cohabit that I’m just getting over being divorced.
The thing is that I can control my actions with women. I can be open and honest. I seek magic moments and that’s it. If they happen frequently, that’s great. I’m open to magic moments with women who I see weekly, monthly, annually or whenever. I’m done being conventional and following the status quo.
I also told her on Monday that I don’t want a breakup again. I told her that things that were part of a relationship can be taken out of the relationship completely based on communication. I said that I don’t want what I have with one of my exes and that is the feeling that I must run away if I ever see her.
I’m not seeking anything with any woman in particular. I’m open getting to know a woman and talking about what make sense for us. What makes sense can change and needs negotiation and solid communication.
Last weekend, my head hurt so badly that I couldn’t even box. I had to leave 15-minutes into class. I went to guitar and couldn’t figure out the down tuning so I just practiced chord changes and didn’t strum. I had a low day emotionally and was pretty well exhausted. I did clean my whole upstairs and answered an email from the accountant re: how HSA works in my new pay structure and how 529c contributions work in my son’s ESA.
Prior to leaving the house for boxing and guitar, I met with the carpenter in the cold dreary weather. I had thought that if I had two posts installed into concrete, I could get my garden fence fixed. I was correct, but on the gate side it needs two more posts and bracing with 2x4s behind the fence line.
He’s wonderful. He is professional and smart. Although, he’s an elite athlete, he is humble and gentle. He reached down to pet my ancient dog and agreed that she is a good girl. I’ll be really glad to have my fence fixed, and am grateful that he is doing the work and will get the money for it.
On Saturday night Rower called me. (AI keeps telling me that I need more context, so I’ll mention that all people in my blogs are listed in the “Characters” button that should be accessible from the front page.) I couldn’t believe that she called! We’re both Gen Exers–I think that she’ll be 52 next month–but I don’t hear from her when she has New Relationship Energy (NRE) until conflicts between her and her significant begin. Not now, and I thanked her for that. We had a great conversation and her gf sounds perfect for her and actually treats her well and nurtures her. She said that it sometimes runs the risk of mothering, which is so gross, but that she’s a good communicator and they’re dialing that in together.
I talked through my tooth with her. It helped and now I’m researching it to reproduce here in my blog. Much of the research in adults related to infection post root canal. Oddly, I’m glad that I didn’t have to have one of those and had an extraction instead. However, because I had an infection which was somewhat pervasive: through my tooth, in my sinuses and through the roof of my mouth, it’s problematic to implant the screw. That is why the surgeon was glad that I had a wide enough sinus cavity. I’m not glad that for that right now. I still have little residual sinus stuff. Rower, who’s a Nurse, told me that the rinse that was prescribed is what medical professionals use to scrub in for surgeries! GROSS.
I went to a couple of Meet Ups yesterday and they were underattended. I had some fun though. I met a new group leader and we bowled–it was just he and I. My other one was my book club and we had no leader. I was glad that it was simply a social meet up rather than a book discussion, but it was still very weird that it was two newer members and me who showed. No host. 5 vacant RSVPs.
The carpenter is the climber’s primary and nesting partner. I had a good first impression of him when I met him last weekend and now I love him. He’s simply phenomenal. He’s probably in his 20s, and could therefore be my son, but he’s quite poised and cool–easy to talk and relate to. We drove to the lumber yard late at night and he checked his phone for the materials list that he’d made. We loaded concrete bags together onto the flat cart–and eventually into my car, and then stacked them in my garage–and talked so easily. He is down-to-earth and open in a way that I’m not used to with cismen. If I commute with the climber tomorrow it will be difficult for me to not just talk about how wonderful he is! It’s pretty funny that he currently has keys to my house.
I have a community walk this morning. I don’t think that I’ll bring my dogs to it. They’re getting so elderly, and tend to just sniff. I’m going to family karaoke tonight and don’t know if I’ll see the woman who has 6 kids and is bi and in a closed marriage. Wow! What a sentence. I’m really glad that my life is uncomplicated!
I am a reader and it’s difficult for me to read unless I’m on vacation. I’m bad and don’t use my bed only for sex and sleep and read a chapter or so before turning in nightly. For some reason, I’ve read a bunch more recently and I think it’s because my house hasn’t had a deep clean. 🙂 These books are the last five that I’ve read. I think that I read them in about a month.
“Far From the Tree” by Andrew Solomon. It took me a long time to finish this one and I had, truthfully, started it a year ago, and picked it up right now when I’m procrastinating from cleaning a very large house. It’s long and organized into chapters about specific disabilities or challenges. Things that I liked about it were the well-researched applications that Solomon had throughout it and the narratives of people who he’d interviewed who were living with that particular horizontal condition. A vertical condition is something that is inherited from parents and has a sound genetic component. Horizontal conditions are not those shared by parents. For example, committing crimes doesn’t tend to run in families all the time and Solomon illustrates in that particular chapter how contexts and friends can shape criminals. The chapters on Autism and Deafness have resulted in my giving the book to a friend of mine who is a Speech and Language Pathologist.
“Maneater” by Ryan Green. This book is awful. It’s the only one that I have ever disliked from book club. It is poorly written and disingenuous. I was glad that we discussed it in book club, because the art teacher who attends helped me understand that in addition to my finding it gratuitous and sensational, it wasn’t believable. It read like fiction and was supposed to be true crime.
“Miracle in the Andes” by Nando Parrado. I loved this book from start to finish and ordered it right after watching “Society of the Snow” at home. I can’t believe that these 17 men lived. I know that I could say trite things about the human spirit and grit, but I don’t want to do so. I’m a huge Krakauer fan and really want to hang around Boulder, CO for a week to see if I could “run into” him. Anyway, he recommends this book in its marketing. I liked hearing the perspective of one of the people who had to become a climber with no climbing experience. Parrado had grown up on the plains.
“The Fire Line” by Fernanda Santos. Years ago, I stumbled across a news story about a cat bitten by a rattlesnake who dragged himself home, and the author and her daughter, having recently lost their husband and father to cancer, took their cat to the vet. With expensive treatment, he was saved. I was so touched. I emailed her and wanted to send her $50, but she said that there was no need because she got a 24-month interest free credit card instead. I finally read her book and it is excellent. I didn’t know that our government doesn’t fully fund wildfire mitigation and employee wildfire fighter salary. It also made sense to me that when I was hiking in Flagstaff in 2019 why the BLM had cut down so many Ponderosa Pines. Without indigenous practices of burning in the forest, we must clear trees. The story of the men was educational and contained enough about who each of them were personally to hold my interest from start to finish.
“Maybe You Should Talk to Someone” by Lori Gottlieb. A colleague handed me this book and I was afraid it was fiction (See number two.), and it was phenomenal. Anyone who counsels or delivers therapy understands that you walk a weird path with your client wherein they have problems that they’re addressing that you’ve addressed or are having currently when you’re working with them. It’s called a parallel process. I had that with the author. She talks about Andrew Solomon. She talks about grief and ending of relationships. Even if you don’t work in mental health, you should read this book wherein you’ll truly laugh and cry. It’s beautiful. (I’m going to give it to Mini Boss.)
The used copy of my inspirational 2024 solo vacation book in perfect condition came yesterday…
I’ve been thinking about Mom and dreaming about her a lot lately. I’m reasonably sure that I know why.
I feel like that I’m having time to be and breathe. I’m sure, too, that given that it’s Easter this weekend, I am thinking about holidays without family.
Sunday, I have an invitation to friends, and I know that I’ve written here that I don’t say no to those, but I have been eating yogurt, eggs and canned soup and don’t want to be around yummy food and alcohol. I also don’t want to talk about the hole in my mouth with people whom I don’t really know. I’ve known this colleague for 24-years this fall, but she’s an extrovert’s extrovert, so loves to entertain and make small talk. LA always invites me to these things–she’s really close with this colleague–and I did go to the Blues BBQ (live band) and also Christmas Eve. I am not going to Easter. In fact, I’ll do yard work which is a lot like my Dad!
My Dad worked for the City and County. He’d dropped out of a Civil Engineering Program because my Mom had me and they had very little money and mice in the housing provided near campus via the GI bill. That was a contention. As was my ever being born. I had colic and my father always said that he was going to leave me screaming in the snow. Mom said that once I could imitate opera voices on the radio at about 4-months of age, I stopped screaming.
(I have said to my son ad nauseum, “You didn’t ask to be born. I will make sure that you have medical and dental care until you’re 26. I will also write a check for any tuition bill that you produce for me.” He has about 7k left in his ESA, so I’m going to set up a trust for 150k that I manage until he’s 30. I’m doing that in June. Trust me, this digression is topical.)
My Mom wanted kids. She said that my brother and I were the best things in her life.
She was sarcastic, a little mean, definitely depressed, and not quick with hugs or kisses, but always said, “I love you.” And she did love us.
We had no money. I really mean that too. My parents, both Boomers, were the last of the people who can buy a house on one salary. My Mom contributed off and on to living expenses, but never had a full-time teaching job likely because of her physical disability. She subbed for 4-5 years and would often come home with a migraine.
Today, I’m thinking about my Mom, the status of her teeth, her heavy smoking until she was in her 60s, and how much healthier and luckier than I am when compared to my Mom.
I was out in the backyard this morning giving my neighbor’s dogs and mine pieces of elk jerky, and my neighbor came out and asked about the hole. So, I have this screw and hole in my mouth right now. My neighbor will get her hole and screw in two-weeks.
We’ve been trying to figure out how her process is so much longer than mine. Her tooth broke eight-months ago. We figured it out today.
My Mom made sure that we went to the dentist every 6-months. She made sure that the weird tooth that came in sideways was addressed with a retainer. I have great teeth. So, it was easy for the dentist to drill it, pack it, help me make an appointment with a talented specialist, and I will see him five-days before I get a tooth colored crown. My parents were poor for sure–lower middle class, I guess–but we got good dental care.
My Mom didn’t support me going to graduate school. My Mom was mostly horrified about what others thought of her having a lesbian daughter. My Mom’s ashes that I have left could ignite given that I don’t want one partner and would never live with anyone ever again. However, my Mom loved and took care of me.
Tell me about your Mom. I don’t know you, so don’t worry, I am not impersonating Freud. Freud is mostly only good for defense mechanisms.
(Please don’t read this entry if you’re squeamish or triggered by anything that is gross.)
Is in my mouth.
I had a small pain in my molar on occasion–honestly, it would just come and go–and it was a little sensitive to cold for 3-years. It wasn’t unbearable until it wasn’t. On the 26th of February, I took my son out to dinner and we got pan seared steaks. I couldn’t really chew mine. The pain was excruciating. I ate enough to not be starving and then gave him the rest after finishing most of the mashed potatoes and broccoli with peppers.
I guess that I thought that midway through last month that I had some weird mobile bacteria because I had stomach stuff, a sinus infection, and when on the 14th of this month the roof of my mouth looked like it had a mandarin orange in it, I knew that there was something really wrong.
Yesterday I was so nervous. I had my wisdom teeth out when they got impacted when I was in my early 20s, but since that time I have only ever had a couple of fillings. I have never been to an oral and maxillofacial surgeon.
What a lovely man. He was calm, caring, professional and explained everything that had happened. He examined the area and said, “Wow, that’s strange.” He told me that if he touched the side of my gums near where the tooth was pus would just ooze.
This fact explains why I’ve felt so terrible, and skipped so much guitar, and gone to bed so early and slept until 5 or 5:30 anyway. I have had a massive bacterial infection. I don’t know where it started, but likely entered through the broken tooth.
The choices were: a partial denture, a bridge, or a titanium screw after the extraction. I was probably in the procedure 11-minutes and could feel pressure and hear crunching and tightening, but that was it. Of the three shots, I only felt the one on the side where my gums were infected. He was a gem. The tech took another x-ray and it looks like there is a wall anchor in my jaw.
The surgeon called me yesterday, but I was at the vet with my dog so she could get her allergy shot and other stuff to get her ready for spring. I couldn’t get the call being in the vet’s office. However, it all went well. I went through a lot of gauze yesterday and was generally swallowing some blood, but feel good. I don’t see him until July 26 and my dentist builds an implant on the screw on July 1st. I’m going to get a tooth colored one.
Although I have a wall anchor in my mouth, I’m grateful. Grateful for days off. Grateful for only being responsible for under $1,200 for the nearly $6,000 procedure. I’m also grateful to have this source of infection gone!
I have gone to South Beach and the Everglades in 2021, South Harbor and Acadia in 2022 and last year I went all over OR. I’m excited to announce that my 4th Solo Vacation will take place in the south. Originally, I wanted to fly to Charleston and drive to Congaree National Park after kayaking around Kiawah Beach, but I couldn’t believe the prices of flights and rooms as well. The amended plan is to fly to Knoxville and have a rental car.
Solo vacations have been really good for me. I think that they’ll continue to be this way for me too. I was really excited last night working through my accommodations. Seeing Mammoth Caves and the Great Smoky Mountains will be wonderful. I have a hike planned in Knoxville too. There is a micropolitan town that I’m staying in for a night too and there are parks and waterfalls. The goal is to spend time in three states over the course of the week. I’m such a lucky person.
Not that I do that to meet women, but I had a goal to write for a few days in a row and that was the topic that I came up with in the shower on a morning that I’m washing my hair. Podcasters that I’ve listened to have said that if you read a lot of dating ads folks talk about what you want rather than what you offer. I’ve written (here) what I’m seeking, so let’s see if I can write who I am, and what I offer in 300 characters. I’m going to give it a whirl.
I love being outside hiking, biking or walking. I am funny. I take making others laugh as a project. I’m a great cook who loves doing it for others. I am honest, straightforward and direct. I love to sing and want to get better on the guitar. I write everyday and am fascinated by a person’s story.
I have no intention of making a profile. I wanted to see what I could write in 300 characters as the essence of me. I may ask if I included my core at work today and perhaps a little bit next week. Swiping and the gambling approach to connection just isn’t me.