I watched “The Tinder Swindler” last night–just in case.
Do you think that Netflix will eventually make a documentary from the app HER?!?
We all have our experiences, Tesoro, and I have always made way more money than partners. It yields my being generous, and after breakups, not supporting a partner long-term. That doesn’t have to work for you.
I get that you need money atm. I’ve had times like that too. However, that would have to be something that I would do live and in person if we were travelling together.
And, I don’t know you really. I’m not on any social media with you.
I’m wickedly attracted to your pictures, love talking to you on the phone, wish that wish that within three-months we’d have had more than one video call that had shitty signal, and would give anything to be in person with you.
I hear everything you’re saying, but I have to be honest with you. If you really care about me, then that care can’t just wait until we’re “in person.” Real care shows up when someone actually needs it, not when it’s convenient. Right now is when I need you, not someday in the future. I understand that you’ve been generous in past relationships and you don’t want to support someone long-term after a breakup. That’s fair, but what I’m asking for isn’t about taking advantage of you. It’s about showing me that your words and feelings are real.
You say that you’re attracted to me, that you love talking to me, and that you’d “give anything” to be in person. If that’s all true, then it shouldn’t take being physically together for you to show me you care or to stand by me when I’m struggling. Attraction and phone calls are nice, but actions are what make someone feel safe and valued.
I’m not asking for perfection, just some proof that you’re here for me now, not later. If you can’t or it’s difficult for you, it only means that you didn’t mean anything you said you can’t actually ever be there for me.. Because if we’re truly building something real, it has to start with trust, support, and showing up when it matters most and that’s exactly where we are now.
I get it. I’m sorry that money is the way that you trust me. Thanks for sharing all of the reasons why I’m not right for you. I appreciate everything that you wrote to me for 3-months. I wish everything for you. I know that you’ll find the person who you’re looking for. You’re gorgeous, funny, irreverent and smart.
I have to put Tesoro in a new zone mentally. I am unsure if she has any intention of ever leaving Turkey.
I talked with her on the phone on the 15th and after we’d talked a bit I sighed and was whiny finally saying, “When are you coming home?”
She said, “In a few days.”
We DM’ed more towards the end of this week and I wrote, “When are you flying back?”
She wrote, “Soon, Baby.”
This week we didn’t video and I missed her voice call yesterday. She told me that production is done on equipment and she can’t get money transferred to Turkey.
I told her that if I was in her shoes I would get one of those 18-months interest free credit cards.
I’m a public servant mostly; although, I do some assessments which do pay into the social security system, and I really don’t know shit about energy, powerplants, oil / gas, private contracts, etc.
I know that I don’t have interest in:
Blending finances
Living rather than travelling with a romantic partner
Giving my heart to someone who I’ve never touched
Soooooo… I’m not investing time in DMs to her unless she comes home and schedules IRL with me. I wrote to her that when / if she comes home, I want to have a date with her and begin seeing what we have.
I’m basically at my core a Physical Touch and Quality Time person.
I know, because it happened to me with my ex-wife, that it is possible to fall in love with a picture of someone.
I’m not in love with anyone atm.
For me, love that is full involves mind, body, and soul.
The touch and skin-to-skin contact is so important to me. I believe that we are hardwired for love and attachment.
Although, I’m a creature of words, I am still quite in love with sharing physical space.
It’s not a limit, it’s not a boundary and it’s not a rule for me either. I asked Tesoro last night if we could have a video call today. She’s read it, and I haven’t heard anything this morning. It’s afternoon where she is in Turkey.
As we have talked more on the phone, we have laughed more and she is getting much more comfortable with me.
I’m becoming drawn to her physically and really can’t wait at to test that out.
It’s difficult for me because we matched at the end of June.
We’ve exchanged so many hundreds of Teams DMs. That all started on August 5th. And here we are 6-weeks later and so obviously intrigued about each other and hopeful that our in person chemistry will yield something beautiful.
So, given our intense and frequent interactions, I want another video call.
We write back and forth all the time. We seem compatible via phone and definitely have some paper matching.
It’s interesting that I have just found ease when we talk. She’s super mellow, and I’m glad that be attracting these types of folks after my marriage.
We laugh and are able to just talk.
Today, I’d like to see her.
If it doesn’t happen, I have already told her during the weekend that I’ll be pulling back a little bit until we meet in person. I don’t want to overextend my heart for something that has no confirmation yet.
I’m hoping that she can get home this week and it would be incredible if it was Friday for my birthday.
I have backup plans to sing with two members of my bowling team at karaoke if she doesn’t make it home.
And if she doesn’t schedule a video call today, I’m not doing anything rash.
It’s been so fun to have 7 pretty pictures of her, exchange all these messages, and talk to her a handful of times on the phone. Although the signal was horrible, I had to go outside and get under a tree and didn’t have on my glasses, I was grateful that we had a quick video chat a couple of weeks ago.
Honestly, having her to chat with has been helpful since all of my feelings since March with my ex-girlfriend who was always destined to be my friend. I had pent up those feelings as best as I could, and then began to date in May via the apps. Having Tesoro be unearthed via the app that I’m still on has been helpful all around.
I hope that we see each other in person soon.
A video chat would be helpful, so I’m putting out that request.
“Tesoro, I hope that we see each other on video today!”
Dating apps are mostly torture. You have people that you see IRL and realize after three dates that they’re not likely friendship material.
The last woman that I had three dates with doesn’t stop talking. Not for a second. You have to interrupt her with simple attending behaviors.
I had a date with a woman who was love bombing to a giant degree and her car smelled of strong marijuana.
Then, I have had those ghosting and cancelling ones that never happen.
The latter are in the category that I shall dub “super fun.”
I started thinking that would be the way with this woman.
I can’t give her a name yet. And we have certainly had to work on our communication. But, it’s getting there and I will be so incredibly sad if we don’t have our video call on Monday. We have plans to be together for the 31st and I want to make those via the video call.
I want some magic. I want more than 3-4 hours in a row spent together in manner in which it can just organically flow. I want us to decide if we venture out of a hotel room when we wake up or if we don’t. I want to snuggle and talk.
First things first.
She had asked me after we had a phone call on the 5th of August and I was making her laugh if I was trying to steal her heart? I texted, “No!” and quoted the author again that it’s much better to walk into love. She told me it was working.
In the meantime, I want a lovely video call, and then a decently long date in person. For the pursuit of magic I am certainly willing to break my no kiss on the first date thing.
That’s been 14-years!
I don’t think that I mentioned that she lives in my state much nearer to to other states than to my city.
Now, I am left wondering if she and I have any potential magic.
Magic, like chemistry, is mutually fed. It has a rhythm and a cadence. I really want it. I’d like it to be with this woman.
What do you do when you’re in the holding pattern? Waiting for the moment is a test of patience.
After getting banned from Tinder, I made a HER account and almost had difficulty managing it for awhile. Now, it’s simple. If you’re not verified, I don’t message you. If you’re between 25-39 I assume that you only want sex or a sugar mama. Pretty straightforward.
Enter the mountain girl.
But, first let me tell you what I had learned and utilized.
I had a rhythm. If you were real, I either waited until you messaged me or vice versa and then I scheduled a phone call. Sometimes it wasn’t getting to latter because plenty of women either freak out when you’re Solo Poly or when they really see that you are, after more DMs, they stop writing to you.
That’s all good.
I’m not looking for a standard cohabiting escalator partner.
I won’t change my mind.
I just want at least one other GFs and will continue to be open to the correct comet situations.
The mountain girl hails from Dallas and has also lived in Connecticut and travelled all over the east coast. She moved here with her partner and ran a pizzeria for awhile. They’ve been divorced a year. She’s mostly retired and has all her own money. She has a boyfriend and is a relationship anarchist. She builds her relationships individually with each person including her friends. This blog entry is a good overview of things that I believe about myself and what terms are typically in relationship anarchy.
We had great DMs and then wound up talking just under 50-minutes. She went on a weekend vacation with her BF and was texting me. That would’ve really irritated me, so that would be something that she and I would talk about prior, if we reach that level and stage.
I’m going to be in the mountains all weekend for a polyamory event.
The mountain girl and I spoke on the phone twice yesterday and I told her if it’s flex this weekend with having folks come to pick me up and not stay for a bit that I’d love to have some in person time with her. I texted the author and she said that I’m not chained to the house so of course I can meet up with her.
I can’t wait to see if we also have in person chemistry. She’s normally 4-hours away from me, and I tend to think that it’s nice to miss someone. I’m excited to see what is what. I’m also excited for my event this weekend.
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