I am Lemongrab. I like nearly everything a certain way. There are some things that I have to have even when the manner of execution makes no sense to anyone else. My ex-wife was brilliant at pointing this fact out.
I also discovered this week that I can’t deal seeing my GF once a week. I wouldn’t have known it if we hadn’t spent this many days apart. The current tally is now 6.
I texted her that even if it’s brief, I need to see her 2-3 weekly. And she said that she wants a mid-week hang and we should alternate driving.
I live in the city and she’s closer to the mountains.
I did all the driving with my ex-GF with a handful of exceptions and I don’t have my gas guzzler anymore so my driving isn’t an issue at all.
I have my long hair appointment today. I think that I’ll read about psilocybin when I’m in the chair. “Queen Ester” is at work and I just need to power through with that and set more limits with clients so I can move to a new book. I’m enjoying it, and it’s reeeally difficult to read at work.
I digress.
After my hair appointment I’m helping my GF’s daughter with some picture hanging. I’ll bring my level and my yardstick. My GF has a drill.
Then I don’t know what we’re doing for our weekend date. She’s a Game Day girl. She tells me what she wants to do after having some private reflection. She’s also a wee bit impulsive.
I like that.
Then everything else about her is steady and measured.
Her parenting.
Her daily walk.
Her long career.
Did I mention that I’m desperately missing her?
Right before I got out of bed around 6 am, I was having a dream about kissing her. I could feel everything… It was detailed and lovely.
I had written this entry in July of 2013 which was just a tiny bit before I would start dating my ex-wife. I am going to add more pictures to the entry alongside some of my current considerations.
For years, I would say, “Everyone has baggage, but the art of relationship is finding your matching set.” However, now that I’m pushing 40, it’s not really a “matching set” per se, but it’s complementary pairing. Sounds easy, but after you’ve had several dating experiences, you can see that it is not as simple as it sounds.
These go together
Given the imperfections and, in fact, rather annoying things that all of us tend to do, it’s exceptional when those flaws are not “deal breakers.” Some things just simply go fine together. Other things cause sparks and friction like you wouldn’t believe. Actually, I think that you do (probably) believe it or have experienced it.
I tend toward odd worries and don’t always trust that things will eventually work themselves out. I also put up with far too much for too long, because I figure, relationships are hard. Accepting my journey has helped.
I think that there is a complimentary set for most of us. I also think that we tend to seek out qualities that are either part of us, or those that we have somewhere deep in the recesses of what is our true selves. Even when a relationship ends, we can reflect on what changed for us, note growth, and learn to seek again what made us stay or alter the way in which we see things.
Oftentimes, I find some of my writing immature. This entry (above which was entitled “Complimentary Set”) was one that I woke up in mind today. I thought that I would give it a reread. I find that much of it is still salient for me. There are a few of the topics within it which I believe firmly almost 13-years later.
You can like someone a whole helluva lot and she can trigger the shit out of you.
I am not as much of a worrier generally since microdosing psilocybin for 13-months now. I also don’t believe anymore that little things will work themselves out. You’re compatible with someone for a longer term connection or you’re simply not. At mid-life, you don’t really have the days left to string things along that don’t work for the other party and you.
I’m pragmatic.
I’m also walking into love atm, so I’m feeling romantic.
I want to remember some things about Scorpio that I can reread later. We do have complimentary sets of baggage. I don’t think that we tend towards triggering each other’s shit either. Feels to me as if we’re simply learning how to treat each other. I do like having a girlfriend and an anchor partner.
I still love lists:
At the end of our first date we were across a big table from each other and she walked her fingers up my arms when I reached across it
She wasn’t going to kiss me after our first date, so I held her low back and looked at her like, “Really?” and then I kissed her
She told me that going away together was too soon when we were having our second date: then she kissed me passionately when she was leaving, bit me a little bit, and when she got home sent me a picture of her legs with some audio before a roaring fire (I guess that she changed her mind.)
She thought that there was something wrong with the matte in a picture in our expensive hotel room–we will always have what we refer to as “The Poop Butterfly” and she can imitate the other clerk snarling at it when I brought it down to the front desk and that makes me laugh even right now as I type
I like one of her friend groups and they seem to like me
We burned a bundle with cedar leaves, cinnamon and orange in her fireplace when I first spent the night there and it’s for abundance, prosperity, joy, and protection
Her daughter said unprompted to her that she likes me
There is no love bombing or fervor with Scorpio and I. We just enjoy each other and text when it makes sense. It’s not controlling with stupid rules that you have to follow either.
I have a secure attachment style. I have been in a few relationships which have brought out some anxious features in me, but I generally feel solid when I start seeing someone who is likely to become a GF.
It’s easy to feel comfortable with Scorpio.
I also don’t have to explain being Solo Poly. I told her on our phone date on the 25th of last month that I don’t want to ever cohabit or blend finances again and she said, “I want to live with someone again.” I said, “That makes sense, it just kills the magic for me and that’s really what I’m seeking.”
Then she didn’t force that yet instead made me a felt rose which she handed to me when she exited the parade, made wrapping paper and wrote a comic book about manifesting a Valentine. That’s magic. She brings it.
It will be interesting when she and I have dates outside our relationship. She’s very direct, so I’d imagine that we’ll just deal with all of it head-on.
I had a date with a woman who lives high in the mountains who is a Relationship Anarchist like Scorpio. She already had a BF and sent me pictures of them together. I probably would have dated her more, but we don’t have enough reciprocity in communication or chemistry. I need and crave physical input and passion.
My match from Seattle will be in town in two-weeks. I didn’t really want to go out on dates this soon, but she’s in town only for a few days. Ph.D. wanted to see me next weekend and that particular connection makes me feel like complete shit. I’d met a woman on the other app that I use–I use two–and she’s become like an OG BFF to me. I wanted her to date Ph.D. I sincerely hope that Ph.D. has no amorous feelings towards me. I don’t want weird shit. She and I are taking a walk on the 21st of next month.
I’m so comfortable with Scorpio. She cuddles and is a great kisser. I am looking forward to dinner at her place on Saturday.
The semester has some odd things in one of my classes that I teach.
My Matchmaker provided me with the name of a LOCAL woman with a Ph.D. who has a cat and a dog yesterday. She also has a 10-year-old daughter.
I have a dinner date with Scorpio on Friday.
My graphic novel is published, I’ve sold 6, and I do my first professional reading of it on Sunday afternoon.
I have a phone date with Ph.D. on Sunday night.
I really thought that when this matchmaking service found women with whom I could have a date that they’d be ones who lived out of state. I feel as if I search high and low here where I live. I apparently don’t in the right circles. I don’t know what happened to the Boston Biologist, and that is completely fine because I paid for this service so really shouldn’t travel much until June, which is when I always travel annually on my own since the pandemic lifted.
Scorpio is hot.
I logged back into the app yesterday because I only have one picture of her atm.
I told her that too.
I feel some kinda way about going into the app before I have a f2f date when I know that my date can see that I’ve been active on the app. It’s a cute story, so I’ll reproduce it here.
“I popped back on the app today. You’re hot. I’m looking forward to having a date with you.”
She had been talking to me about acupuncture too and her experiences with her knees so I told her about Protein Rich Plasma and she said, “Ooo, we’ll talk about that when we’re together!”
I texted:
“That you’re hot?”
“About PRP?”
“Both?”
I’ll admit that I’m nervous about my date with her and did admit that to her as well. However, I find that feeling much more desirable than the neutrality that I have felt when I went on several dates in the summer. Being excited about someone or two women concurrently is a good thing. It’s also an exercise on me flexing what I think that my limitations are in new connections.
Tesoro is working on a seemingly endless contract in Turkey. It’s trying and delaying the ripping off of our Band Aid for our chemistry test. I think in certain respects, she and I are both DM’ed out. We’ve written thousands of words to each other since August 5th. I matched with her at the end of June, and finally began to catch up with feelings that she’d been professing to me during the first part of the month. When I pick her up from the airport–whenever that occurs–so I can take her to her car–I’ll likely collapse against her. That will be nice because she’s 5’8″ and I can just tuck my head under her chin and get my arms around her for that first time. She looks like she smells really good and I want to run my fingers through her hair.
On Friday night, I went to karaoke with a few members of my bowling team, LA, one of my buddies from the Co-Ed Poly Discussion Group, Mini Boss, and a friend who named our bowling team. It was sooooo fun. One of them had a candle that fit a glass and lit it so I could make a wish. Everyone knows what I wished on my glass of water!
Saturday I volunteered clearing cottonwood branches all morning on a volunteer crew at a National Wildlife Refuge. These trees are almost invasive along some riverbeds. They tend to break a lot so they pose a wildfire danger if their branches which collect on the ground aren’t addressed. I loved the work; although, I got quite tired. Apparently, September 20th was a National Cleanup Day so the organization that I volunteered with gave all of us National Park Passes in addition to feeding us pizza. I love doing something that gives back to celebrate another year being alive.
Sunday I biked to the park and met one of my former work husbands. We walked a bunch and did a Farmer’s Market together and I bought him lunch there. I love this particular Farmer’s Market. And it was so good to catch up with him. Afterwards, as I have been doing for 3-years on Sundays, I lifted weights.
51 came and went. I feel solid. I’m looking forward to fall beginning tomorrow. This shall be the last summer entry for me, and what an eventful one it was!
After getting banned from Tinder, I made a HER account and almost had difficulty managing it for awhile. Now, it’s simple. If you’re not verified, I don’t message you. If you’re between 25-39 I assume that you only want sex or a sugar mama. Pretty straightforward.
Enter the mountain girl.
But, first let me tell you what I had learned and utilized.
I had a rhythm. If you were real, I either waited until you messaged me or vice versa and then I scheduled a phone call. Sometimes it wasn’t getting to latter because plenty of women either freak out when you’re Solo Poly or when they really see that you are, after more DMs, they stop writing to you.
That’s all good.
I’m not looking for a standard cohabiting escalator partner.
I won’t change my mind.
I just want at least one other GFs and will continue to be open to the correct comet situations.
The mountain girl hails from Dallas and has also lived in Connecticut and travelled all over the east coast. She moved here with her partner and ran a pizzeria for awhile. They’ve been divorced a year. She’s mostly retired and has all her own money. She has a boyfriend and is a relationship anarchist. She builds her relationships individually with each person including her friends. This blog entry is a good overview of things that I believe about myself and what terms are typically in relationship anarchy.
We had great DMs and then wound up talking just under 50-minutes. She went on a weekend vacation with her BF and was texting me. That would’ve really irritated me, so that would be something that she and I would talk about prior, if we reach that level and stage.
I’m going to be in the mountains all weekend for a polyamory event.
The mountain girl and I spoke on the phone twice yesterday and I told her if it’s flex this weekend with having folks come to pick me up and not stay for a bit that I’d love to have some in person time with her. I texted the author and she said that I’m not chained to the house so of course I can meet up with her.
I can’t wait to see if we also have in person chemistry. She’s normally 4-hours away from me, and I tend to think that it’s nice to miss someone. I’m excited to see what is what. I’m also excited for my event this weekend.
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