I can’t believe that I wrote this entry five-years ago. Until I reached the age that I am right now, I had no idea what people meant when they talked about how quickly time passes. Five-years… This one is a re-blog, but I want to look at it, because I feel as if I am finally getting my balance with where I’m headed in my life.
Balance. Do we even know what the hell this word means? I cannot believe the way in which everything is overdone: work, activity, even the way in which we approach relationships. I’m kinda sick–I sneezed and my nose ran all day to day, but it was a decided improvement upon the incessant headache and sinus pressure that I’ve had for over two weeks. When colds finally hit me, I feel a sense of release that is foreign. I think it’s because I don’t actually let go too well. Americans even take Yoga about 3 times a week to practice “letting go.” Isn’t that utterly ludicrous?!? How the hell do you practice that? People talk about moderation, but I’m sure that I have not mastered it.
I am going to hike with my son tomorrow. Desiring grocery shopping is not what I would call part of my evening, but it is necessary. I may hook up with my friend and her son, but am cool if I don’t. I am cool with most things these days. I have to be…
I would like to have some physical intimacy… Would I overdo that? I think that my goal is to actually ensure that I am varying my activities and letting things unfold as they should. I’m sure that I’ve said these statements before, but they are starting to make increasingly more sense to me. I think that I understand that I need to be patient with myself to fully listen to others who I truly love.
PS. I get it. I understand what balance is too, as I have let go of extremity and fervor. It’s little smatterings of the things that I used to enjoy more than I do now, and connecting to those who have an energy level that matches mine. Enjoying whatever unfolds without expectation is helping me too. No poison. I’m not anyone’s therapist who knows me either.
I am not overdoing sexual intimacy, and in fact, I am not able to overdo connecting with my current girlfriend either based on what she has going on in her life as she focuses on strengthening and balancing her energy. I’m not overdoing anything right now, but I must embrace that as I have come to center, that I can connect with people only when it makes sense.