We had an incredible night the night before last.  She’s been having some stomach aches that are deep.  There was a woman in a few of my grad classes when I first started this doctoral program who also had a NIA license, and she explained how when your middle chokra is off, you have been too affected by change.  My girlfriend told me that when I’m next to her, and holding her, that her stomach actually feels good.  It has been hurting for months, and she has had to change her diet.  When my son and I were leaving her house on Thursday, she said, “Now, my stomach is hurting again and when we were laying down together it was fine, so I guess that means that I am not supposed to stop cuddling you.”  I always wanted to cuddle her.  When my friend told me that she would be moving home, I looked at her FB and thought that she was so incredibly sexy, and then when I met her a few months later, my attraction to her was obvious.  Now, I need to know who she is and what she desires.

I’m learning about her.  She allows me to nurture and support her and doesn’t start tripping.  That makes me so damn happy, because I have had other girlfriends in the past that didn’t want me to do anything, and would freak the hell out when I did things that are normal for me–cook, put their jacket on, open a door, help them up, write out little cards, etc.  I’ve talked with her about it, and she sees it as willing to truly believe in your heart that you are worthy and deserve good treatment.  I don’t struggle with that as much anymore.  That is why I have not stayed with my last two full-on girlfriends, and the woman who I had just dated.  If you wanna go back and forth, get on a see saw.  If you’re not sure about me, I’ll just help you out and you can watch my little ass adjourn forever.

I understand that she wants to build something with a woman with whom she has a strong emotional, spiritual, and sexual connection, but I am hungry for understanding what she dreams about, and how she sees herself in two years.  Because I really just want to say, “Get a job down here.  Move in.  Let’s make a baby next fall,” and that is super frightening, I tend toward, “Let’s take this whole year and learn how to understand and communicate.  Let’s take a peek into what we both want next fall.”  Plus, she has a wonderful life where she is, so we need an understanding of how we should compromise as a couple.

Last night when we talked on the phone, we were talking about our night together.  We ate salmon, basmati, and asparagus.  Then I put the lentils that I had made for her with onions, garlic, celery, and carrots in a pyrex with a lid with a note on them.  I really don’t want her stomach to hurt anymore, so I have been cooking healing foods.  We talked a ton over dinner, cleaned up just a little, and then adjourned to the bedroom.  We made love for about 3-hours.  Then we slept, and did so pretty damn well.  She told me that she didn’t know if she’d be comfortable with me all night, and that she had never prior–although she has had partners with whom she has cohabited–slept well next to her girl.  ❤