What is it with all the driven people? I had a massage this morning because these last two weeks at work have actually been a pile of shit from which I can’t wait to come through, and my therapist, who has been rubbing my act for 10-years told me that with our trail (We live blocks apart.) all torn up that the cyclists are getting on his nerves. I made the analogy of marathoners and avid roadbikers and determined that they are both zealots, prior to drifting off into the land of stream of consciousness and no voluntary movement.
I’m fit. Quite so for my age, but I would never run all the time or would I bike until I dropped. I, frankly, have waaaay too many other things that I’m interested in doing with my time and seek balance. Plus, I’m not driven to the degree where I live under a misapprehension that I can perfect my body or bench 150-pounds. Well, I would feel badass if I could do the latter, but would never do 3-sets of 15 of those. I would like to add some heavy stuff to my day C and just have to buy one of the counselors from work lunch at a soul food place for that 😉 Oddly, he is my ex’s type and actually lives just miles from her… Small world in which we reside.
We run our family 5K tomorrow. I hope that my ex doesn’t decide to run it with her son and dog. Frankly, it’s her neck of the woods. It really doesn’t matter. I’ll embrace her, choke back tears when I hold her son, and she’ll clap me on the back–“Way to go, pal.” So, gross. A woman who is worth TONS of money, raised a couple of kids, and now is single parenting her own, but can’t be even slightly vulnerable. This woman who sat in her red, wool coat all night buttoned to the top until she left without saying goodbye when we attended an event that was honestly in the memory of her father. So driven, yet in the opposite vein, one who runs from raw emotion with the exception of when she makes love. I’ll never understand her and know that I really don’t know her.
I vow never to be like that. I don’t want to appear cold. I’m not formidable, nor am I impervious. Although I am driven to make a better life for my son and I, I do believe that true love is rare and connection means everything. Here is to you, sweet girl, wherever you are. I know that you’re out there and one of my drives to see you; although, I don’t know you or have I yet seen you.