I fear the question, “What do you do?” when I’m dating a new woman. And, I had erroneously thought that my new gf knew what I did, because I have known her for 10-years. But she didn’t and she said, “Oh. Wow. What makes THAT appeal to you?”
There is a gamut of responses:
- What am I thinking right now?
- I actually have no idea, because I’m not clairvoyant
2. How fucked up are you that you went into that?
- It’s just what I do for a living because I was interested in psychology
3. So, do you just diagnose your friends and everyone around you?
- No, I am not working right now, but now that you mention it, paranoia anyone?
4. How does it not bother you?
- In that way, I’m kinda like a guy and when I’m done with work and leave the building or office, I don’t take anything home.
5. I could NEVER do what you do, because I could not be around people. How do you do that?
- I don’t hang out with anyone long who needs group 🙂
However, my career has affected my dating, and I’m not going to pretend that it hasn’t. She and I need to talk. She is sweet and tender and honestly would never do anything to hurt anyone or is she motivated out of cruelty. However, because of my ex baggage, that I really need to honor, I crave consistent. I need some ground rules around it too. I had to call my workout partner and took a solo walk to take a picture of a tree that had probably 7 different shades of red on it, because at that point I had to clear my head. How can something that we said on Thursday be a trigger on Monday morning? No one is born knowing how to treat you, and when you have conflict you are equally culpable for engaging in it.
My workout partner said, “______ , you have had a really bad day, so that’s effecting the situation. And you know stuff that is going to come up because of _____ , so you don’t have to tell that whole story, but as stuff comes up, you owe it to both of you to talk through those things so they can improve. Don’t jump to conclusions. Have a conversation.”
I realized that although I took two months longer than what relationship and family therapists say you should take after a relationship that because I have had no relationship, I had no idea what would be triggered in a new one. What I mean is that I was with my ex off and on for 15-months and I didn’t kiss anyone or even seriously consider a girl for nine-months, so I just needed a new relationship to see what has affected me longterm. I did wait more than half the time of our whole relationship, but I had to be in relationship to see what I have become.
Well, now I go to how WYSIWYG you are right away. And that’s not it. My artist has been naked vulnerable about who she is and what goes on for her. It’s really my turn to tell some of that, which will include the impact of the only two times that I have been in love. I guess that I’ll start that convo here.