The woman from group texted me last night. She’s good at writing small statements so that you’ll share more and asks good questions. She also texted several times, “Good question.” And then would answer me in longer paragraphs. I counted–because I like details–and she sent 60 texts.
We had a nice text connection. I’ll see her a week from today. She suggested Saturday night dinner. I wrote:
Very bold! What if I’m a hideous dinner companion? Then you’re stuck for two-hours…
Wanna take a walk Sunday before work? I love being outside… I would enjoy getting to know you better.
And I would. I love that she is smart, a mother of one, athletic, and straightforward. I’m looking forward to Sunday. She’s also just three-years younger than me, which is lovely. I like fellow Gen Xers.
One of her texts to me said:
That makes sense. I’ve never been drawn to strangers. I tend to go the opposite direction where I try to make deep attachments.
So I asked her if she was a water sign in the Chinese Zodiac. Of course she is. No other person from another element would say something like that about people.
My ex-husband and the woman who moved to FL, had to get a new liver, and with whom I was originally with in a polyamorous relationship share birthdays. They’re five-years apart to the day. I think that’s odd. I met him in a college theater club and I met her in a bar. I think that I am drawn to strangers. I get a feeling that I should talk to them 1-1.
They were both water signs.
I’m trying to think what’s important to me in terms of characteristics in someone with whom I am romantic.
Chemistry is a definite thing that I need. That comes from looks and ability to have engaging conversations. I like to laugh. I also can’t imagine being with someone who isn’t either an athlete or a dancer. She’s both.
I also loathe shitty hugs. In fact, I have a couple of friends who I won’t hug because of the half-assed, weird lean, and flutter pat on the back that they provide. I think that I’ll ask, “Are you ok with hugs?” when we meet initially next week for our walk. That will be good information.
I met her in our women’s group, and I don’t usually stay after group to chat. That’s largely because I don’t like groups of people unless there is a specific activity. After the discussion is over, I leave.
Honestly, I’m glad to have a date with a new woman. It’s also incredibly nice to have someone initiate interest in me. (I guess with the last two women who I’ve kissed since I’ve been divorced, both did initiate. I’ll have to consider that for future writing.)
My preference would be to be seeing 2-3 women and it would be really neat if a woman lived elsewhere. I like seeing new places and have only met up with a woman in a location when I was seeing the woman who moved to FL. Romantic get aways are fun.
I told her toward the end of three-hours of texting that I’m intentional. I don’t want to add any people to my life unless I enhance theirs. I like to be helpful, am direct, and a bit peculiar. I am looking forward to time with her in person next Sunday to see if we are meant to be friends or more.
I can have incredible conversations 1-1, but those don’t occur everyday unless I’m at work.
I belong to two discussion groups. One is co-ed and one is all women. I went to the former on Tuesday night.
I introduced myself and talked about my relationship journey and then I listened attentively to all the women. It was enlightening. At this group, which is held in a home of a friend, we eat potluck style. My friend did “Breakfast for Dinner” for a theme so I made hashbrowns. They didn’t last at all.
We ate and discussed questions. I only introduced myself, then I grabbed my cast iron skillet, and put on my shoes. I enjoyed the discussion and interaction, and didn’t have the “spirit move me” so as to introject anything. My friend came over and held me for a long time.
I got a text from her the following morning.
Hey, Lady. Thanks so much for coming. Your presence is always a nice welcome. Also, my friend, ________, told me last night that she is intrigued by you. I guess she has been the past two months, although not much conversation has occurred. I think she’s pretty, not sure if she’s your style or not. She was the one with the black cool glasses and was telling _____ about the blueprints book and how people get aroused differently.
We texted back and forth for awhile and I told her to give ________ my cell number, which she did.
Hopefully, ________ will text me and we can grab a beer or meet for a walk. If not, I’ll talk to her, 1-1, on September 25th if she comes to the group. Again, I don’t force anything and want to see what unfolds free from expectations and demands. Regardless, it’s nice when someone likes you!
I want to have my book in my hands in February so that I can give it to people who will read it to children. I’d like some free marketing from other mental health professionals and giving it away (25 copies) is a good effort. Otherwise, I’ll use my website and connect with other authors in the genre.
I think that the Carpenter and Batman are at Burning Man. Thinking about being there gives me anxiety. The dirt, the noise, bringing in water, and the smells.
My ex-wife and I went to tame bluegrass festival in 2019 and realized that we were too conservative for that crowd. Multiply it by ten, and I’m sure that is what Burning Man is like.
However, the former said that he would be building my shed in the summer. There are twenty-days left of summer when he is done with Burning Man. I’d imagine it’s a day or two to drive back, and then maybe 10-hours of sleep in a bed, which puts us at September 6th probably. That means that there’s 16-days left for building a shed in the summer because you train all fall. I’ve grown tired of taking my lawn mower out from under a tarp. I need a little shed on the concrete slab.
My catio took less than two days. It scares my son’s cat, so I’m going to buy fresh cat nip and get in there with all of them. They’ll get some positive associations with it. I’ll scatter treats too.
The company swept the entirety of my porch too. I felt like they were helping me. They left cedar scraps and a few longer pieces and a lot of sheet metal. These can be used for the shed.
I think with several trips to the lumber yard my former sister-in-law could make a shed in a week for me. If she didn’t work full-time, if she wasn’t a conservator on the probate initiation for her niece and nephew who are now orphaned, and if I would even ask her. Which I wouldn’t.
Will the Carpenter wind up building me a shed? I’m incredulous.
Now, let’s talk about Batman. She has worked on our book on 2/15, 6/26 and 8/7. She said that she’d get me a page 8/8 and I emailed about it on 8/15. My email went into the ether. The lack of consistent communication is annoying and is not the way that I roll. So, I’m interviewing illustrators that I would simply pay as a one time thing with no royalties going forward (flat rate for pages) starting in October.
My best friend asked me how long I would wait for communication. I said September 30th. I also will never contact her again. When I run into her, I’ll get a great hug. That’s it. That’s fine. I’ve always been a pragmatist.
Having a table in two-days and a catio within two-days has shown me that complex work can be completed. It just has to be a priority and follow a timeline. I don’t think that I can stomach being fifty and waiting around for people who don’t prioritize working with me.
AR got the table top done in two days. She is so incredibly efficient and kind. She mortared the bottom of it and used the black grout that she had.
The artist’s tiles are handmade so their edges aren’t uniform or do they follow a straight line
I love the way that it looks near the corner of my living room window. I’m so happy about it.
I gave her a $100 check so she can spend money on my son’s cousins when they’re there for my former sister-in-law’s celebration of life. Ironically, I’ll be in NYC that weekend for my 50th birthday.
I texted back and forth for awhile with the artist. He’d done a commission of my son’s cat last year. That work hangs in my entryway. We texted about possibilities. He was touched by the tabletop and said that he was making the whole thing more complicated. He also said that he might starting thinking about simple designs for tables. I hope that I get to see him in person on September 2nd.
I’m doing so much better since I started therapy. I am connected with my former family members and not getting enflamed by things that my son is doing. I am enjoying my house slowly, but surely. Getting this table done quickly has been encouraging.
I don’t have any original family. My brother was killed in 1988 by a drunk driver. My Dad died in 2020. My Mom died in 2021. I have my son, and he doesn’t live with me. I am a Solo.
When I was staging the house a year ago–how could that have only been a year ago?–I bought two items from the Thrift Store.
One was a heavy wrought iron side table with a wicker top. The other was a table just slightly higher with an almost square tiled top, but I don’t think that the legs are solid. It’s wrought iron too and easier to heft around. Not if you lay it on it’s side with other things in a small SUV. Anyway, LA accidentally broke the tile top on the table!
Broken top
I had been gifted a tile from one of my friends from the co-ed discussion group that I attend when I’m not bowling. I hadn’t hung it; although, it has a loop embedded in the back. As he’s the artist, I paid him $100 as a retainer after asking if he could arrange it with other tiles on the table top so I could use the table.
He told me a month later that he didn’t have the executive functioning skills to get it arranged and done. When I was picking the broken top up from him, the tile broke off in two pieces which was great. Now, I had the board, which fits the table.
I went to Design Center for contractors having spoken to one of the women who worked in the tile gallery. She had lunch leftover and I had a wonderful sandwich. She didn’t have any square tiles. However, she had two large tiles that were beautiful. They’re very heavy too. One of the designers couldn’t use these anymore as the manufacturer has discontinued the tile. I got them for free!
I started thinking about design
I figured that I would check out a tile saw from the non-profit that we have in our city. I was texting off and on with my former sister-in-law about my idea for a cool table top. I mentioned that I would be using the non-profit. Her wife said that the non-profit has shitty tools. She said that she had all the things that I would need, and she’d help me make a new table top.
I’ve had to store things in my basement for almost a month!
I went over to my former sister-in-law’s house late afternoon yesterday. I gave her a giant hug. I gave her file folders which had been stored in a filing cabinet that’s in the closet in my office. The files had drawings and pictures that had been labelled by my former mother-in-law.
She said, “That’s my mother’s handwriting.” I said, “It’s all _______’s.” I told her that it would be good things for her twin’s celebration of life next month too. There were pictures of all three sisters in those files. It was emotional.
We talked for half-an-hour while her wife was getting everything ready for the project. Then her wife was super hungry so we went to dim sum. I got to know her much better at dinner. I’d met her briefly in July of 2022 when she and my sister-in-law arrived at my house to move out all of my ex-wife’s possessions. Now, I know her.
I’ll call her AR. She competent, direct, and quirky. She also is able to build and fix anything.
It was really late when we got back to their house. She started with a level and pencil. She found stored black grout. She’s making the top for me in exchange for dinner at dim sum. I’m not comfortable with that, so she’s also taking $100 and spending it on my son’s cousins. I may not be part of their family anymore, but I want their friendship and my son still considers all of them his family. Former or not, they’re wonderful humans.
It’s supposed to be one of the most stressful things. Now, that the painters are gone, I’m not feeling as much stress. However, the house is upside down.
I’d moved 13 times as a child so it’s been funny to be feeling as if I’m moving again.
I’ve lived in two different states in the Midwest when I was an undergraduate and for my first round of graduate school. During my higher education years, I moved only five times total across seven years.
My ex-husband and I moved to the state where I’m from and where I live today. After I’d finished my first graduate degree, he and I moved states and into an apartment. We lived with my parents for a month while we looked for an apartment. A year later moved into a townhouse while we worked with a realtor and then we bought this house. We lived here together for about 4-years, and he contributed to this mortgage for a year.
When I was with my ex who is an alcoholic, I was in FL about once a month. Sometimes I was gone 10-days so I felt like I was living partially in FL with her in her townhouse.
I’ve finally stopped physically moving.
However, it feels like I am, in fact, moving. I have gotten rid of a tall bookcase, three chest of drawers, a bulky end table, a nice futon and mattress, a lamp, a chrome island with a cutting board top, three high back oak bar stools, and lots of shelving. There are also many odds and ends that I’ve also let go of completely.
Now, I’m doing the work of getting kitchen items back into cupboards. If there are some items that I’ve not used in 3-years, they’re going to the thrift store. I don’t want to store things in precious cupboard space.
It’s really dirty too. Moving always is, and I’d forgotten that. I have been going through tons of dust rags and wiping grease out of corners of my freshly painted cabinets. One of the latter swelled shut and pulled off some paint. I’ll have to patch that area before I put new bumpers on all the cabinets.
I’m not sure when I’ll be done, but I’m glad that LA is coming over this morning to help me hang more art. This move is likely the last one that I’ll do unless I wind up in a hospital or some rehabilitative care.
It’s starting to get really, really old. I told the Crew Boss for painting that Thursday is the final day ever and that there are no more days for my kitchen. I had to tell them the same thing about Wednesday, the 31st, because all the painting was dragging out and I had to get furniture upstairs again. I was being driven mad.
I think that I also have to consider that July has been bizarre. I found on the 6th that my former sister-in-law was murdered. My Aunt died on the 27th; although, we knew May 3rd that given she wasn’t seeking treatment, that was a foregone conclusion.
Anyway, with these deaths, it makes living like this very difficult. This:
It’s like moving into a place that you can’t move into because there aren’t rooms that you can use. I have trouble cooking which is my daily therapy because I have to go downstairs to get skillets and the like. I also have dust and shards of paint everywhere.
Brookyln is coming over this morning to help me hang artwork in new and fresh places. She’s also going to give me feedback about arrangements. I haven’t had her over at my house in years.
That will definitely help. It’s like a barren environment here.
I told LA that she was a bad friend for not renting me a large airstream for the pets and I this month ;). I can’t wait for workers to not be at my house. I’m also excited for the end result and no longer living in a construction site.
At the beginning of May I got a text from my aunt who lived at my parents’ house April of 2020 through mid-December of 2021 which said that my Mom’s only brother’s wife (my Aunt by marriage) had Stage 4 Brain and Lung Cancer and wouldn’t be seeking treatment. In the text it said that I was only to go through her and not anyone else. That felt weird so I said that I would send a message to my other cousin through FB because I had communication with her there and she freaked out. I get it. She’s 70 and thinks that people can read private messages.
I called her and she was so upset that she spent most of our conversation yelling at me. That’s about her and isn’t about me. She’s about the same right now and really negative so I’m not talking to her or communicating with her much. I never had noticed how much unsolicited advice that she gives either until this time.
She called me Saturday afternoon and I was in a coffee shop.
I was at a coffee shop because my house is still tented, plastic is everywhere and the rooms are either barren or have odd things around such as ladders, equipment and I don’t have faces on many of my cabinets as repainting those is a whole 3-day process that the project manager has described as “tedious.” I was taking space from this disorder in a local coffee shop.
When my Aunt called I said, “Hi, I’m in a coffee shop and I’ll have to go outside,” and then when I walked outside and put my cell back to my ear she was still talking. She then said, “I’m not sure that I’m supposed to tell you but Aunt _______ passed away this afternoon,” and I said, “Thank you for letting me know, I’ll text ________.” She told me don’t call until tomorrow. I said, “Ok, thanks for letting me know.” She talked about my not calling or getting into contact with my cousins today some more and I just listened to her prattle and didn’t say anything because she’s been on edge and prone to yelling. I know it’s stress, but I can avoid being the recipient of her mismanagement of it.
I texted my cousin and she and I exchanged texts afternoon and evening on Saturday. My other cousin, who I recently had breakfast with when she was here for an appointment with her daughter, texted me too.
It’s going to be really rough, but I’ll drive approximately 5-hours before the sun comes up on Thursday morning to attend my Aunt’s wake and funeral. I’m driving back around 1 pm or so because I don’t want to be away from my house or pets. Luckily, my neighbors are feeding (both meals) and tending to my pets a few times on Thursday.
I’m loyal to this Aunt. She has put flowers on my brother’s grave for years. This uncle, who is my Mom’s only brother and was married to my Aunt, drove my brother’s body to this area where my mother’s family was born and farmed. He got my brother’s body to the church and he’s buried near my Grandfather who I adored.
They’re good people and I’m proud to have them as my family.
When my mother died, my son, my then wife, the Aunt who took care of my parents’ house, my Uncle (mother’s brother) and my cousin and I conducted a short graveside service at my brother’s and grandfather’s grave for my parents. We spread ashes of my parents’ on those graves. Doves landed on the wires and sang songs. It was nice and simple.
I’m really glad to be there for this cousin on Thursday to be part of rituals for the loss of her mother. Sadly, her mother was my cousin’s self-described “person,” and from what I’ve gathered via text was her touchstone. This loss will be incredibly difficult for her. Like me, she has one brother, and I’ve not seen him in nearly 30-years. It will be nice to see him; although, that our connection is at his mother’s funeral is sad. His sister is a gem and wrote to my mother for years. There were times that my mother received her letters when she was in the facility too. Again, they’re wonderful family members.
I went to kickball last night and had a good time connecting with my team. I didn’t go play flip cup, because I don’t want to drink very much while I’m processing the murder in the acute stage. I also have my feelings with regards to not being in my previous family anymore.
I’ve gotten so many of my friends and also my family members to donate to the fund for her orphaned children that she leaves behind. I think that I’m doing as well as I possibly can with processing this event and what it means in my life given that I am not involved with my ex-wife’s family anymore. I’m feeling better with regards to this tragedy.
I’m not Zen about my house. How do people live in a house while it’s being painted without going over the edge?
It’s really hard to live with tented furniture that was limited anyway. I’d only left my bed, my dining area table, and the desk and it’s wires. Yesterday, because the floors were taped, plastic-covered and papered, I felt like I was living in “ET” when the hazmat scientists start to study the creature.
So, I had a lapse in judgement. I didn’t pay too much. Well, a bit.
I bruise easily. However, these are pretty bad. If I knew where my oral arnica was, I’d take it, but things are piled in linen closet and other places so most things are blocked, and I only know where my topical arnica is. I applied it, but I imagine that I’ll look bad for a week or so.
I’m reading “Where Men Win Glory,” and it’s great. Last night after kickball, feeding my pets, and walking my dogs I wanted to read in a chair. Not in my dining area, but in a chair. I wanted to get a fabric chair upstairs from the basement. I have a staircase and a baby gate that is retractable at the top of my stairs.
Best laid plans…
I got the ottoman for the chair upstairs fairly swiftly and slunk around the ladder, the staging area, and traipsed through the paper and plastic that my dogs and cats have dug up and moved around, but the chair that goes with my ottoman is an entirely different story.
I got it out of the hoarder piles and around my upturned loveseat and existing table in my basement. Recall if you’ve read previous entries that movers emptied my upstairs so my basement isn’t usable. It’s like a Jenga Tower which has fallen.
I moved the chair around stacks of boxes and such and then got it to the base of my staircase. I thought that inverted and pulling it up each stair was good. I got it up all the stairs. Then it got caught on one of the plastic hooks on my gate.
I needed a Phillips Head Screwdriver, but those were in the laundry room closet. All of my large storing and my laundry machines are downstairs. Downstairs was blocked.
I was sweating so badly. Although the chair is fabric, it was really difficult to get it back downstairs because plastic tenting kept attacking me in my stairwell. It would stick to me too or would trip me. I imprisoned my shoe under the chair and almost fell until I shimmied the shoe off under the chair. It was now 8:30 and I’d done cardio with my son, ran errands, kicked, ran and scored two runs in kickball. I was a sweaty and angry mess.
I texted my neighbors who are like family to me. They said that I could borrow a screwdriver. I got the clip off without breaking it. The screws were really long. I made a mental note to use my electric screwdriver when I was no longer blocked out of my basement and could get tools. I pushed the chair all the way back down and removed the gate clip and it was really hard.
I went back downstairs and realized that I would have to slide the chair sideways with the legs toward the banister. That worked until I had to hoist under it from the top of my stairs. Heaving and hoeing finally got it upstairs and I got it into the corner by my living room window and successfully avoiding buckets of paint and a ladder.
I still couldn’t read though.
Now, I had to screw back the gate clips. Well, the screwdriver was set to left. I unscrewed my work and nearly fell backward. Then it was too big for the screwhead. I got the other one that we have and discovered that the nut is missing to attach non-drill pieces. That was something that my son was famous for during his whole life. He would take things out of my tools and they wound up in the _______ chasm of loss. My drill isn’t usable as a screwdriver anymore and the other electric screwdriver is too big for very small screw heads.
Finally, I just screwed them in by hand enough so that the top of the gate was somewhat secure and read for an hour in the damn chair! I have the bruises to prove it.
It’s been helpful to tell the story about my former sister-in-law’s murder to people who care about me or love me. I also completed an intake with my department’s employee assistance program last week and they’ve matched me with a therapist who can provide Eye Movement Reprocessing Desensitization (EMDR). I was able to sing with friends last night too, which was lovely.
EMDR uses techniques to engage both sides of your body with noise, light, your hands, etc. and the therapist has you talk about what happened and then you feel your feelings about the event or events. I know that sounds trite. “Feel your feelings.” However, people are more likely to numb with alcohol or drugs or play hours of video games. They also may sleep or read for hours shutting out the world instead of thinking about the event. Some people don’t remember the event at all!
In EMDR the therapist or clinician also takes about your safety and coping in initial sessions with resourcing for you. That way, if you’re really triggered about the event, you have something that you can rely on in the session and after the session is completed. I’m looking forward to it.
In another entry I’d written about the appeal that I have with theater, music, and movement for trauma treatment. Well, last night we had one of our singalongs that we do at my best friend’s house. My Boss came as well. We also had a man there with a thick accent that sounded like Arabic or was influenced by languages in the middle east. However, he said his name in Polish, so I’m not sure where he is from or how many languages he speaks. I would imagine it’s three or more.
He could play a box drum and later in the night he played a tambourine. It was very cool. He didn’t sing and called himself a percussionist. We had two ukuleles as well. My best friend played two songs on the guitar, but mostly played her ukulele. I have no idea where my guitar is! I’ll be living like this in my house through Monday night because of the painting.
We sing by request from the group. I learned a new song that was in my head this morning when I woke up. It was sweet and fun.
There was this time when we were singing and playing “Greatest Love of All” that I started to cry a bit. No one noticed and I was able to quickly stop. I was thinking about in 2021 when my sister-in-law got out her guitar and was playing songs and her kids were sitting with her on the floor. My son was listening, and my wife was singing some. I didn’t sing, but was so impressed with her playing. She could remember without any music so many songs and then later she got out some music from her closet and sang more.
My brother-in-law was hovering and going in and out of the room. Finally he started complaining about “bedtime.” It was the only time that I heard my sister-in-law use a curt tone with him. She said that she didn’t know how many more songs that she would be playing, but it would be a few. He stomped off.
I’m looking forward to starting therapy on Tuesday. Music last night was healing too. I want to be functioning better than I am right now in two weeks. However, I am so lucky to have resources and friendships as I work through this event.
Yesterday the cleaning woman came and washed walls and baseboards. I’m going to go back over a few areas with a carwash microfiber and rag soaked in alcohol after I walk the dogs. They paint and redo the cabinets today. The movers come back tomorrow.
I’m letting things go and moving things around.
Desk #1 belonged to my maternal grandfather. It has an ancient Co-Op Calendar taped in it from 1912. It was probably made in the late 1800s. It’s going in the spare bedroom.
Desk #2 belonged to my paternal grandmother. It has two drawers and one pullout desk. It’s probably from the 70s, but I like it. It’s going in my room for my clock. Yes, I like a digital clock and don’t sleep with my cell phone around me at all regardless of Airplane Mode.
The sofa table is going behind the long couch in front of the window. It used to be in my bedroom where Desk #2 is going.
Dresser #1 belonged to Indianapolis _____. He’s referred to this way because my son had a stepbrother figure with the same name for about 6-months. My ex-husband has had two serious girlfriends in 17-years. The former _____ moved, sadly, with his Moms when my son was two-and-a-half. His dresser remains and my ex-wife repainted it and it looks funky. I don’t want any dressers. It’s going to be donated.
Dresser #2 was my Mom’s. It’s cool. It’s made of heavy old wood and has three long drawers. I need to get it to the non-profit recycler, but don’t know how. I’m not sentimental. I do remember her having probably 20 plants on top of it when I was 19 all the way through when she went into a nursing home. Both my parents had green thumbs.
I will have a sundried tomato accent wall. It used to be a deep maroon, but I don’t have the special paint anymore, so it will be sundried tomato now and the hutch won’t go there anymore. It’s going across the living room to where the piano used to be. LA has the piano.
My former mother-in-law gave us an armoire. It’s red. I like it. I don’t like it near the dining area. It’s going in the kitchen across from the pantry. That will be a tight walkway, but I’m letting my hanging spice racks go and probably not rehanging the black floating shelves. After removing both the spice racks and the shelves, I realized that they never really stay clean and oil, spices and vinegar needs to be out of sight.
There is a five shelf particle board bookshelf outside for the city trash folks to pick up today. I am doing a professional book purge. I have two graduate degrees. The first one was 74 hours and the second one was 85 hours and terminated in a doctoral degree. I have a lot of professional books, but don’t use all of them. The said bookshelf also held test kits. I’m not sure what to do with those, but will likely go through my office closet and store them and a few books that I still reference for reports there. I don’t want anything in my office anymore with the exception of the crate for my ex-wife’s dog, and will put back up the window perch for my cats. I’ll still work at the desk here where the main modem is.
The headboard is going!
The daybed will be under the window that you see as you walk down the hall toward mine and the spare bedroom.
I’m starting to think that this house is mine. I won’t have any energy here with the exception of my own upstairs and then I can go through the basement and store my son’s things thoughtfully. This paint is a renewal.
Yesterday the movers were here and basically emptied the upstairs. Even the echoing of my typing is wild in my office. An empty house is weird, and I should be used to things looking like this as I moved 13 times as a child. Unfortunately, in this room–my office–they’ll have to work around cords and get behind the desk which has been pushed away from the wall.
Downstairs is alarming. It looks like a hoarder’s paradise. The scheduler for the moving company said that her crews are Tetris experts, but it is really very strange. I can’t really walk in there and I don’t even want to get my cell phone charger this morning, but if I could slink around last night to put the cats to sleep, I can do anything! Part of me didn’t want to give the cats their Greenies and leave them down there last night to sleep. They were perfectly fine this morning.
I have to take hooks, anchors, picture hangers, the cat perch, the window perch and shelving that is wall mounted down after I blog and walk the dogs.
The hair is another story.
When the cleaning crew comes today to wash the ceilings and walls, I have to say that I’m properly embarrassed about all the pet hair. How long have corners and some parts of walls, where the hutch was for example, been this way? Who lives like this?
I told a friend on the phone yesterday that now I know why people travel when their house is getting painted. It’s a whole process. The movers came yesterday, the cleaning crew and cabinet crew come today, the house is painted on Thursday, and Friday the movers come back. It will be August 1st before art is hung and furniture is rearranged too. I don’t trust myself to do this process alone. I’m so glad that I have Brooklyn. She likes hanging art and is going to be brutally honest with me with regards to what I should get rid of and where furniture and the like should go. I’m looking forward to having a freshly painted house; although, the hair that I’d been living in is gross.
I started off my day having breakfast with one of my first cousins whom I’d not seen since 1997. I met her kids too, and they were so cool. I had to take my dog to the vet–she had a concerning lab result in her blood, and they’re running her blood through the lab again. I also had an appointment (telemedicine) for me because I’m having weird aches in my hips and can’t sleep very well given being perimenopausal. That appointment was great and the outcome will be part of subsequent entries as I trial out two meds. And then I went to a bowling team member’s house to cook meals that our other team member had ordered and couldn’t cook given the funeral back east for her paternal grandmother. We ate the meals with our friend who named our bowling team. I got a text showing the water cremation container and alter type of area in the family viewing area too for my former sister-in-law. It was a busy day.
I got to sleep around 10:30. However, I had weird nightmares and can only remember one with any detail this morning.
I’ve had nightmares most of my life. I had them as a child, adolescent, and young adult. During my second marriage they were less frequent.
I probably hadn’t had one this disturbing or memorable in 5-years or so.
The nightmare: I was helping my former in-laws in a house. My brother-in-law was in and out of the house and the last time he left he said that he was going elsewhere. I was changing in a bedroom and saw his face in the window and then he sauntered off. I went outside to confront him, had trouble finding him, and then found him by an out building under a tree. He said that he was playing music and there was a guitar and some whistles also outside. The latter were those that Pan or another mythical creature would play.
When I got back to the bedroom he was staring in again, and I screamed for him to leave. He stared me down, his eyes glowed white, and he put his large palm on the window and it glowed.
I think that it’s probably time for me to get back in talk therapy.
I read completely this summer “The Body Keeps the Score,” and found the chapters on yoga, theater, and art inspiring.
Moving traumatic memories through your body is efficacious and may be a better modality for people who’ve gone through events which were outside of their control.
I flirt around with learning to dance, recording audio content for books (I have a very nice speaking voice), and keeping up with my boxing.
However, I think that in addition to any new body centered practice, I better do some work with regards to this murder which I’m obviously processing.
My childhood was weird. I lost my brother in an accident that severely injured me. I have atrophy on my lower left side due to that accident. My parents never picked up the pieces of losing my brother and I probably haven’t either. My Dad was emotionally and physically abusive. My son was very difficult to raise, and he’s not raised yet. My ex-wife was the love of my life. She has massive health problems and is now partnered in an unconventional situation with a man. I think that is a good idea for her for a variety of reasons and she hadn’t been with a man since 8-10th grade.
Anyway, I have memories and experiences that are likely stuck in my body. I need to approach making sense of experiences so I’m not carrying the weight of them.
I’ve been connecting with some women who are in my far away friends circle via phone. Our lives just don’t intertwine, and I’m personally more apt to make myself do things than I am to go hang out with people frequently. I don’t mind if there’s an activity, purpose or meal, but otherwise, I can’t just hang out.
There were times with my ex-wife’s family that I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin just sitting around talking for hours. I would get up to take a walk, and often be asked what I was doing and then folks would say, “Wait a minute, I’m going to join you.” I guess that was mostly fine, because at least I was with people doing something.
I have a birthday twin. Except for both liking polysyllabic words and details, we couldn’t be more different. Come to think of it, I don’t know her moon or ascendant… Likely that explains some of our differences. Anyway, she was biking to her favorite coffee shop midway through last month and hit gravel. Unfortunately, she went over her handlebars. She broke her nose, had road rash on her face and broke her radius badly.
What do people who are single do when they have medical appointments?
Their friends take them to the appointments.
I’ve found too that friends are way less resentful about hustling for you when they don’t have to. A spouse has to be involved with you constantly according to societal norms. They’re also expected to take you to medical appointments when you’re injured.
I had a very strange week last week and talked to many people who I hadn’t really spoken with much in years. Some of them are newly single, some have almost always been single, and others are those who have been coupled with various people during the tenure of our friendship. It’s interesting to me that being coupled is the norm and being single is somehow seen as isolated or at the very least unconventional.
Do you have single friends? What is the percentage of your life that you’ve spent single since you graduated from high school? Are their drawbacks to having a live in partner or being married?
In 2021, we three went to visit my wife’s family. I said that we would be staying in a hotel room because although we were welcome at my mother-in-law’s, I had never liked my brother-in-law who also lived there at the time. He lived there on a small amount of rent, had the upstairs with his other three family members, and still bitched about my mother-in-law and her boyfriend all the time. My mother-in-law and her boyfriend, who owned that beautiful house, were doing much of the childcare and my mother-in-law also cooked the meals for all of six of them for over a year when their daughter was born. They already had one son.
It was mostly an ok trip until the last day before we were to begin our drive home.
We started out the day with my sister-in-law having to work; although we had a hike of a wild cave planned that morning. Because she worked in the solar industry, my son expressed interest in it and she took him to work with her. He helped her with some of the installation and learned a ton, and they listened to Nirvana and Pearl Jam, which blew his 15-year-old mind.
My wife and I did this incredible hike together while they were at the house installing some solar hook-ups. It was a nice way to wait for her to be done working. I was grateful that my sister-in-law took my son to work.
After she and my son were done with the installation, and they were heading back to pick us up at the trailhead where she’d dropped my wife and I off. We all went back to my mother-in-law’s to pick up her two kids for our exploration of a wild cave. Unfortunately, she got a call from the homeowner who said that her streaming service and internet was not working. My sister-in-law explained how to hook it up again, but they didn’t want to work on it. She ultimately had to go back all the way out to their house, so we were delayed to leave for our wild cave hike.
I was starving. I looked in the fridge and asked my mother-in-law if I could have two of the cooked eggs in there because she was making muffins for the road for my sister-in-law and us for our drive back. The kitchen was busy. My sister-in-law and her family were going to San Diego the next day for a few days, and as I’d said, we were beginning our drive back home that day as well.
They were special eggs. They were cooked and then cold water cooled. Not soft boiled, but not hard boiled either. They were my special-brother-in-law-eggs. My mother-in-law said that after she was done with the muffins she’d make two exactly how my brother-in-law liked them as he would be taking them to San Diego. She was making those muffins for us (her daughter’s family) and them (her other daughter’s family).
I ate two, and then we all sat around on our phones waiting for my sister-in-law to get back from the homeowners where she only had to turn on a switch.
My brother-in-law came home and said, “Oh, nice. Everybody is on their damn phones.”
I said, “I’m paying a new premium for my bundled car and home policy and had something time sensitive.”
And he scoffed.
I thought to myself, “Why should an adult have to explain what an adult is doing on a phone?”
Then the missing eggs were discovered. He said, “What the fuck!” He started slamming cabinet doors and said, “This kitchen is a mess!”
My mother-in-law said that after she was done with the muffins she was replacing those two eggs and told me that I could have them. I should point out that my sister and brother-in-law had chickens.
Then, the freakshow ensued. He was screaming and yelling and saying fuck more times than anyone could count.
I left and got in my wife’s car and went to Safeway. My mother in law called me when I was at Safeway and asked me to pick up vanilla ice cream for her cobbler. I bought that and the eggs and came back to the house.
My sister-in-law and my brother-in-law were arguing in the driveway. After awhile he came over the car where I was parked two houses away and he said, “I didn’t know everyone is so sensitive!”
I said, “______, you’re in the wrong. You flipped out over two eggs that would be replaced. They will be and I bought you a dozen new ones. He said, “Well, I’m sorry.” I said, “Ok, I hope that you have some rest when you get to San Diego.”
We explored the wild cave only us three.
Wild and scary cave.
I guess that my telling everyone that I was raised by someone who raged and flew off the handle all the time and wouldn’t be around it or that behavior ever again was a catalyst. Within a few weeks of that day they had a family meeting. Within a few months they would move back to their house that they owned. My mother-in-law still helped with her grandkids all the time. I’ll never forget her telling me that night when we had cobbler at our hotel, “That is between them. I don’t understand her choice in a spouse.”
The following winter they moved. They had to complete some renovations on their old home before settling back there with their two kids. They lived there about two-years.
He murdered her there last month.
I have cried off and on all day. I texted my ex-wife in the late afternoon. It said that my son said that he’d spoken with her. I asked if she was all talked out and said that if she wasn’t, I’d listen. I talked to her for well over two hours. I had not spoken to her in 25-months.
I feel empty, depleted, and I hope that narcissist rots in hell.
Left behind are two orphaned children. I can’t believe that my sister-in-law is gone. She was funny, active and took me on some wonderful hikes. She played Nintendo with me in my basement before she had her kids. She could play guitar and was always up for anything. I’ll never laugh with her again or go on an adventure. My son never had the opportunity to learn from her again.
I’ll leave you with one of the last texts that I received from her “I’m glad that I got to spend some time getting to know ___ a little more too when you guys came out. His interests remind me a lot of my teenage years too. 🙂 We’re moving out of this house in a few months so I’ll have a chance to look at some of my old stuff I saved. If I see anything he might like I’ll save it for him. 🤠”
I’m having such a better year so far. When I think back on my holiday weekend last year, I was depressed and lonely. I’m so glad to be two-years away from my divorce and am feeling connected closely to people. Sometimes when you’re married, you’re less connected to your friends when you’re not careful about how you invest your time.
Vacation versus work: I’ve been off of work one month tomorrow. The current class that I’m teaching requires me to only check email so far. I did teach once, but because the class was optional, only six students showed up (21 students). I’ll take it though, because last fall I had 26 students in the same class and my pay was messed up until October and my supervising professor somehow had an oversight and didn’t completely address the issue of my pay until January! So, collecting a nice paycheck for checking email this summer is completely fine by me. Things will go back to the work tunnel on August 9th. That class will ramp up too because students will be in sites.
Thursday: I went to a BBQ at the house of the woman who leads our women’s discussion group. I had a great time talking to her husband. I brought a tossed salad and grilled some corn kernels that I never would have eaten with scallions, granulated garlic and Mexican spices. I did it on the Weber, which is always fun. I got to know much better the woman’s husband and I also met her boyfriend. I had a nice time connecting at the party. I had to get home though before dark because my dog gets really scared with fireworks.
Cooking on my Weber for my 40th bday party (almost 10-years ago)
Friday: Yesterday we went to happy hour for some appetizers and then I was late to karaoke. I was embarrassed later, but had lost track of time. I was having a good time talking with LA, a woman from my bowling team, and the Realtor. It was really nice to see the latter. I’m glad that we are comfy around each other. I had a nice time and sang one song the best that I ever had. Singing and hanging out together is so nice.
Today I have to help LA get her car. It’s in front of my neighbor’s house. They’re like family to me, and I hope that they don’t mind having a car in front of their home. I had driven LA to the venue where we sang karaoke and then drove her all the way home. I’m going to pick her up and bring her to my house too. It’s the least that I can do, and she was gracious and came all the way to pick me up Christmas Eve when I was T-boned. I’d have been sitting alone in my house on that holiday without her.
This afternoon, I’m picking up my friend who I didn’t know if I was going to date to take her to my friend’s house for a little snack before we go to a drumming circle and band for an alternative 4th of July activity. My friend is just three-months younger than my friend that I just met for Happy Hour last month. This particular friend is married to a woman who is ten-years-older than her. So, I’ll be a junior for once. Last night, although LA is a year and some change older than me, I seemed like the eldest. And I was for the most part, because members of my kickball team who were at karaoke on time are 14 to 26-years younger than me! I’m grateful to have all of these plans with friends over this holiday weekend and think it’s interesting that I have friends of all different ages.
What are the ages of your closest friends? Do you have friends who span different age ranges? What did you do that was special for this holiday weekend with friends or family?
We had our first game last night on summer bowling league. Sadly, I averaged 117, but I do think that I can bring things up to 130 or more for averages next week. I love hanging out with these three women. We connect and encourage each other and laugh so hard.
I can’t remember the last time that I slept this well. I have just switched doctors and can see her on October 2nd when my super expensive insurance kicks in. I have been waking up once in the middle of the night for probably 6-months and am having other new and lovely middle aged things like a weird fanny pack below my navel, aching hips for no reason, and have had two times after exercising felt like I’m going to faint. I assume it’s time for a cocktail of progesterone and estrogen.
I woke up just before six and felt so cozy. So, I stayed in bed, slept another hour and had another dream cycle. It apparently finally rained down here. It had been raining the in mountains and not getting down here. It’s cool and partly cloudy.
I bought a domain yesterday and started playing with pages a tiny bit. I’ll finish the text draft of the book today too. I feel so rested and loved this cozy morning.
What can fuel your productivity? How do you best create?
The first time that I went to the women’s discussion group, I met my friend’s husband’s Mom. She attended it and when I found out who she was the next time that I attended group, I thought, “I can’t believe how supportive she is of her son and the life of him and his family members.” It’s one thing to support orientation and it’s quite another to sit in a group as an ally. She is very cool and she likes my salads, so she’s getting that on the 18th for group! She’ll be in town in a couple of weeks.
I was grateful that when my Dad died and my Mom wanted to get home, but was probably never going to get there, that her youngest sister stayed in their house. She visited my Mom every week too when my Mom was still in assisted living and was declining. I talked a lot with my aunt then. We used to go swimming together at my wife’s condo as a family and had her over for dinner several times too. My Mom’s last outing was at my house for Thanksgiving with my Aunt and my family. My wife had just gotten out of a short psychiatric placement the night before. I wouldn’t want to relive very many moments from 2014 forward.
I liked that my Aunt supported. I appreciated all that she did for my mother after my Dad died and always thanked her. She moved out of state at the end of 2021, and has visited a handful of times in 2022 and 2023. I don’t want her to visit me again.
She asked how my son is and I was honest. He’s not working. He failed a class. He took a leave of absence from school and is restarting the program midway through next month. He can’t give me a straight answer with regards to how many clinical rotations he needs. He’s morbidly obese. His current gf is controlling and hasn’t been a good influence on him. I don’t see evidence of him trying to address his mental health.
I talk to my aunt once monthly on the phone. She is a link to my Mom. On Thursday, we spoke.
I told her that his father’s lease is up on Halloween and I don’t know if our son will have a driver’s license then and don’t think that he’ll be done with school. I told her that he can live with me in November and December and then has to move on.
She unloaded on me. She said that my ex-husband and I are enablers. She said that we are like her daughter’s friend’s parent’s who have 40-year-olds living at home.
With all due respect, I didn’t ask for advice.
You also sound really misinformed when you compare the brain of an 18-year-old to that of a 40-year-old.
My Aunt believes that because my son wasn’t out on his own when he was 17 and graduated that he won’t be different at 25.
I know that my aunt is 20-years older than me. However, she’s super critical and very religious and says things about people all the time. I know enough to realize that if people talk about others in a judgmental way that they’re also following suit with you.
My son will turn 19 at the end of January, and because he doesn’t have much motivation, he’ll have to learn lots of things through error because he can’t live with either one of us after December 31st. I don’t want him here because he doesn’t help, is always on his phone, and hasn’t learned how to contribute yet. He also has a tendency to yell or say demeaning things when he’s asked to help with something, or has to complete something that he didn’t want to do. His Dad is moving in with a gf which is very good because he hasn’t lived with me in almost 17-years. I don’t want to live with anyone. I also don’t want to engage with my aunt anymore. I’ll call her once in July.
I will have to see her face to face sometime soon. My Uncle, who is my Mom’s only brother, is losing his wife to cancer. She’s a non-biological aunt. She has a goal to die in August. I think that she has really rough days. I know that my Aunt helps them out a ton. She operates in a binary and has a dichotomy of saying “God’s plan,” all the time and then losing it other times. She has a tendency to bury strong emotion so it makes her critical, and frankly, explosive, at other times. I’ll have to see her at the funeral, and I’ll also have to find another house and pet sitter at that point too because my son will be with me.
Friday: I met with my friend on Friday at a new brewery to us wherein we had chips, queso, wings and carrots, and then our own individual entrees. She has only a private practice and has built it so as to only work Tuesday through Thursday. You can read about her here. We had fun, good fare, and I’ll see her again with my friend for the 4th of July.
I talked to my ex on the phone on Friday night. You can read about her here. She is super smart, works in higher ed too, and is generally fun to talk to. She now says that she’s going to live to be 85. When she had first had treatment, she said that she had ten-years. We had a nice conversation and the only things that she did which were passive aggressive is say, “You were here and you didn’t see me?” and “Well, we all know that you’ll never leave [my home state].” First off, I do solo vacations in June. Me. That’s it. And, secondly, why would I have moved my kid, go back to court, and leave my house and jobs. And, why do you care, because you’re happily married! Regardless, we had a lovely conversation and I’m glad that she is in good health and no longer drinking.
Saturday: Today is beautiful here. It’s in the 70s and I’ve already done some yard work and worked on our book.
Sunday Plans: Tomorrow, the author and I will hike 4-7 miles. I have to give her broken table top and a tile that her metamour gifted me. He had completed a commission of my cat, and said that a tile of a butterfly and wildflowers fell from his wall and wanted to be with me. Now, I want it in the broken table top that he’s redesigning. When I staged the house last August, I bought a few things at the thrift store. One piece was a wrought iron side table with a tile top. LA broke it moving it in her car. I’d like the gifted tile in it along with other tiles in a design. The author’s metamour is a very good artist and is excited for this next project.
I am getting my house completely fixed up. Next month, there will be only two accent walls, white cabinets, fixed walls (You can reason the for drywall being weird in the insulation section here.), and my whole house with the exception of my doors will be painted. I’m replacing doorknobs and then will probably paint all my doors by myself. First, I don’t want these gross 80s gold doorknobs before painting happens! I’m getting a custom shed built by the carpenter and am buying and having built a catio. My backyard will be an oasis after I have skylights and new lighting in my patio. I have to get a new hot water heater and that should have a floor drain next to it, so that will be noisy work, but will make things safe here after I’ve updated all my electric. The last thing is faux hardwoods in the basement which are marine grade. I need to get rid of the carpet down there. Then, I’m set.
Weekends are so good and they’re even better when I have so few responsibilities and am mostly on vacation. Here’s to teaching one class! I’m having a good weekend. I have been with friends and am making my space homey. What are you doing this summer to fuel yourself?
The climber spent a couple of hours with me yesterday and we added a final scene with a crone type of character who had appeared in the book at a turning point in our story. She sketched five different scenes and I started numbering the existing storyboards. She’s going to show me more work on the 31st of July. She’s out of town climbing in Canada for a couple of weeks.
We had twenty existing pages, and I think that we’re up to 26 now. So, I’ll need to write out full narratives rather what is in the storyboards that simply illustrates plot advancements in a comic book style. It also includes my poor drawings. I should’ve taken a picture of her drawings for our book in her sketchbook. I’ll write over the next few days, which will be easy now because she called working together “inspiring,” and I reflected later and would term it “energizing” for me personally.
She looked beautiful. She had on a close fitting one piece sleeveless jumper with a plunging neckline. I had never seen her in anything low cut before or anything nearly as feminine. It was a little distracting to watch her draw at my dining area table especially when she was leaned against it.
We had an intimate dynamic yesterday. Just greeting and exiting long hugs; however, we talked about personal things when we made conversation.
I learned that she and her ex-husband were together for 16-years in total and that they read to each other every night.
The climber paged through her book and showed me some beautiful things that she had drawn. She is such a good artist. Although she had outlined sketches yesterday, I’m excited to see full pages when we meet yet as I had a point of comparison now seeing her work in the small sketchbook. I asked her if she’s always drawn. She has. I have always written.
There hasn’t been a day in 16-years that I’ve not written something. I certainly have not blogged everyday, but I have written notes, letters, emails, journal entries and the like. It’s interesting now for me to have a full story to tell and complete. I have a muse-filled momentum right now.
I was thinking this morning when I got up to tend to the pets that we all tell ourselves stories. Stories about why our lives are going the way that they are, and stories about other people. I think that feedback about those stories that are internal is important. The feedback helps us evolve.
For our book, it’s different. I need to have it in full draft form and read it to some kids before I take the next step for publication. I’m glad that we she and I have a commitment to monthly work on it too, because it keeps a timeline. For me, it was the conversation about the plot of the book that was most important when working with her yesterday. Although writing is a solo task, I think that I write better when I have some collaboration and joint work. Also, being around her is always something that impacts me intellectually and in my body.
I’m late to come out. I didn’t until I was 33. I did have a gf in high school and another in college, and they were long term, but I wasn’t out and both women were probably heteroflexible and not fully bi. I started going to parades for Pride in 2008.
This weekend I had to tickets to a couple of DJs and a concert. I stayed out until nearly midnight. I was with a friend group and it was fun. I don’t dance, but did enjoy my Friday night.
On Saturday, I made a quiche and plated some salmon and avocado and went to a Pride Brunch. These women–a married couple–hosted Christmas too. I wound up grilling for them. I wasn’t hungry and was sun tired. When I got home around 1:30 or so, I ate and took a nap. Then I went to my other friends for their block party. I play kickball with these men–they’re married as well–and our other friend showed up too. We walked to go to karaoke. I love them. I had a great evening.
On Sunday, I went to the Pride parade and the Realtor had gotten me VIP tickets so I had drinks, access to free food and some shade. Prior to the beginning of the parade, I saw the Mom, whom I didn’t recognize initially. She said my name and I said, “I’m sorry?” when she was hugging me. We talked for a little bit and I didn’t feel sparks. I was shocked that she remembered me as I’d emailed and texted her a few weeks apart. Who knows?
I watched most of the parade, but I got super hungry and just wound up walking to the main venue and finding the area for VIP ticket holders where there were shade umbrellas at tables. It didn’t matter though because it was in the mid-nineties, so I just went home around five. Pride was nice and I made friends with a lawyer and her friend or gf–I’m not sure–and talked with them. There was a really good drag performance too and the queen sang rather than lip synched. I went to dinner with my neighbors who are really like family members and then called it a night.
Did you celebrate Pride? If you’re an ally, did you acknowledge this weekend or this month in any particular way?
I take solo vacations and have since 2021. They commemorate the end of the major terms at work. I only teach one class in the summer term and it’s an easy one. Only in the summer of 2017 did I teach something relatively difficult. So, annually, I get to take 4-6 days to myself and have been seeing places where I’ve never been and, of course, I hike or cycle. They’re restorative.
Before I flew out, things seemed good until one of the irrigation settings had been turned on to every hour instead of everyday by the landscaping company. I figured that out at 12:30 am, so it made my 7:56 am plane ride the following morning rough give my lack of substantial sleep. I had to nap at the hotel too. My son watched the house and took care of my pets. However, he turned off the water to the brand new cooler, which broke the pump because it pulled dirt, debris, and bits of straw panels through it. I’ll likely have a hot house for 8-days, because I had to order a pump last night at 11:00 pm, and it won’t come into the store for a week. He also blew out the pilot light to the water heater. Thank you, Same Day Contractor. I’m using the whole house fan–with all windows open every morning in an effort to get cool air trapped for much of the day.
My trip
TN: I had to change hotels in Knoxville at the last minute due to their having a fire at the one that I booked by the Tennessee Theater. I still haven’t been refunded, because I paid ahead of time, the Hyatt said that they refunded me, and booking.com said that I have to contact my bank. This type of customer service run around is the way of the world.
My flight was early, but was good. I was just exhausted because of the irrigation turning on at my house three times every hour, and likely some stress given the quick change of hotels. My rental car was picked up seamlessly. I stayed downtown still, but it was on the quieter side of the city and not near the famous theater. I kept trying to get pictures of the theater at night, but they didn’t come out well. During the day there was traffic, so I couldn’t get a good shot, but it’s gorgeous as is the whole downtown. I was shocked to see celebrations of Pride everywhere downtown given that I was in TN.
Knoxville is very, very cool. The town reminds me of a very hilly Boulder, CO without the wildness of college kids. It’s tame and quiet. It’s also beautiful. I walked to the university and then back through the World’s Fair Park. I wound up getting drenched because I left my raincoat in my hotel, but was able to get my stuff dried out in the a/c.
Likely most people have pictures of the golden globe above the city to represent World’s Fair Park. However, I found it most cool that the pianist and composer Rachmaninoff played his last concert in TN and that this statue commemorates this performance. This shot was also taken at World’s Fair Park. Knoxville is walkable and has really good food. Before my nap I went to Market Square and had oysters and a Po’ Boy.
The Brass Pearl makes their own hot sauces! I even had to admit that the Habeñero Peach was spicy!
I logged 19,266 steps the first day in Knoxville and had a good IPA and wonderful fish tacos for a super late dinner.
This place is great.
When I was walking back to get to my hotel, the fireflies danced around the old graves at the First Presbyterian Church. It was like they lit up the grave markers and came on like a light had been switched. It was a cool church anyway and the graves that could be seen were from the 1790s. I don’t usually take pictures of graves, so you’ll have to trust me that the appearance of the fireflies suddenly gave me pause and was neat!
I got up and ate the included breakfast at the hotel and it was good. I had a large quiche bite, spinach and turkey sausage patties. I don’t typically eat meat at all on vacation, but had little choice on this particular trip. I’ll get to that later…
After breakfast I walked to the East Tennessee Historical Society (ETHS) and the gentleman was friendly and opened the gift shop for me. I needed postcards and had brought a sheet of postcard stamps. I walked to the outdoor art exhibit and took in the pieces. Then I sat on the bench and wrote.
Beautiful outdoor area at the ETHS and the weather was perfect–low 70s and breezy
I hiked at the Ijams Nature Center. It’s beautiful and a short drive from the city. It wouldn’t be walkable though because the roads are even too narrow for two SUVs. You pay only a $5 parking fee and can walk any of combination of the 14-miles of trails available.
There are paved and wilder trails here at Ijams
I bought a new soap dish that fits my pedestal sink perfectly in the gift shop that was made by a local artist. I had gotten two mosquito bites on my hike. The clerk told me that coconut oil mixed with lavender oil is the best mosquito repellent for folks who attract them like I do. (Once my cooler is fixed, I’ll try that when I’m working in my yards. I can’t do that until then because I won’t have reprieve when I come inside to hydrate and get out of the sun.)
Then I was off to Cookeville.
I was disappointed with my accommodations. It smelled like stale smoke. Because the weather was cool, I was able to open the door and also several windows. Then I found the culprit. There were two bedrooms in this little house and the one on the right didn’t have windows that would open. It was stale air that had that hint of cigarette smoke. I elected to sleep in the other bedroom. I left after airing it out a little bit and went to Burgess State Park.
This dam was built in 1929
The loop is a 1.5 mile hike to each of the falls. I think that one is a cascade and the other three are legitimate waterfalls that get progressively larger as you continue to hike down the trail. It was not crowded at all and the Ranger was helpful. All parks and natural areas are free in TN. There are not entrance fees. You rarely pay to park in parks or natural areas in this state either.
I wish that I hadn’t been hungry! I’d only had my breakfast that morning in Knoxville. Looking back, I wish that I’d gotten back in my rented car and driven to the Window Cliffs Trailhead. The area also looks gorgeous. It’s adjacent to Burgess Falls State Park and the trailhead is about 5-miles away, but after even a small hike and the two-hour drive in the morning, I needed fuel.
I drove into the town of Cookeville and the Brewery that I wanted to visit wasn’t open on Mondays or was the seafood place where I wanted to eat. I was lucky that a locally owned restaurant was and the food was wonderful. It’s called Crawdaddy’s.
Fried green tomatoes with lump crab (delicious, but cut too thick). First Grass Roots Ale down the hatch
Hot garlic shrimp on converted rice with two sides. I chose broccoli and asparagus. It was so, so good! So was the beer out of Sparta, TN
I drove back to my accommodations and aired it out a little more. I was ready for Roku and walking around there a little bit. There was a handgun training school very close to my inn, and so I walked up there because I initially didn’t know why there was so much barking–just friendly dogs guarding the school. They were cute, but very noisy. I got most of the staleness cleared, but didn’t sleep great. Again, I got to watch fireflies, which was so cool as I’d not seen any in probably 30-years.
KY: I drove to Kentucky the next day. There isn’t any place to use the restroom on the secondary roads in this part of Kentucky. There are many churches, but those are not open on a Tuesday.
I finally really had to go to the bathroom and stopped at a local grocery. It was the zombie apocalypse grocery store. There was no rhyme or reason to the organization of the food on the shelves and many shelves were barren. Boxes of cereal and other items had been piled in the refrigerated produce and dairy bins and there was nothing fresh at all. I asked to use the restroom and said that I would buy something. They gave me directions to it and I walked around all these weird aisles with random boxes on them. Finally, I found it and it was beyond filthy. I was grateful to have a toilet though as none of the areas near the rolling hills had trees. I bought a gallon of spring water and left.
I got to my bed and breakfast and was able to check in. The room was laid out in a crowded way, but was clean. The bathtub didn’t drain so I had a gross shower in two to three inches of water, but was glad to be clean and not smell stale smoke. I left after my shower and hiked 5-miles in the area around Mammoth Caves.
KY is incredibly green and has lots of rolling hills. This view shows what the state looks like from an elevated point between trees.This body of water is the aptly named, Green River, and I couldn’t take the ferry because the water was too high for that service to run in the National Park
I hiked 5-miles and really enjoyed having lots of solitude and seeing the area. Most people walk around the rim of the National Park and then wait for their tour ticket time. I saw a deer and enjoyed the dense forest, rock formations and some steep grades for hiking. The hiking is good in the area surrounding the cave entrances and visitor’s center.
I was the last person to have seating in the restaurant in the park because they were closing, so I tipped the server 30%. I would never want to be that person and have served twice before, so it was only fair to my server. When people come in when you’re closing it’s beyond annoying. I elected to not get bacon in my grilled cheese so it didn’t taste like anything and the fries were like rocks, but I was so hungry having only eaten one of the tomatoes from the night before and an avocado that I brought on the plane. Everyone was nice and attentive.
I took the Extended Historical Tour that evening. My guide’s name was Emily and she was very good. I found out later that she’d been raised in Kentucky and her Dad was a Park Ranger. She knew a lot about the ancient indigenous people who first used these caves around 2,000-years ago, the saltpeter mining for some of the gunpowder used in the war of 1812, and Stephen Bishop, the very first guide and explorer of areas in the cave that had not been discovered in recorded history.
My step count was 23,251.
I slept fairly well at the bed and breakfast that night and ate breakfast with a couple from NH the next morning. I had to ask them to be seated with them as I was the only solo traveler. The host seemed surprised, but the couple was friendly and around my age. I had bacon. I couldn’t have choices in what was plated for me because I would’ve had to tell the inn the day before. I started to realize that in KY, everything has bacon, so the grilled cheese at the restaurant in the National Park wasn’t unique nor a food anomaly.
Having booked another tour, I returned to Mammoth Caves. At 9:45 I took the Grand Avenue Tour, which doesn’t use the Historical or the New Entrance. We had to board a bus. We then went down through pristine entrance. Our guide was pretty sarcastic, but good at his job. I learned a ton, had a four-mile jaunt and got views of what seemed like the inside of a river canyon, and formations that were similar to those which were familiar having seen Carlsbad Caverns with my son in the summer of 2022.
When you start your first mile on the Grand Avenue Tour“‘Tis the Last Rose of Summer” is a song from the early 1800s that gave this formation it’s nameView from the last sets of stairs on the 4-mile tour
This area of the cave is less popular and much better maintained. The hike was long, but worth it and it was an area mostly untouched by oils from human skin. If you visit Mammoth Caves don’t expect to randomly get in, you have to book a specific tour in advance. I would take the River of Styx Tour if I ever came back.
I ate my only good meal in KY after my hike. I typically have a no Mexican food rule on vacation because it’s gross outside of NM, parts of TX and CO. I went to the Watermill and they were doing only a buffet which horrifies me, so I asked a woman smoking on the top patio there where I could get seafood. She recommended El Matzalan, and I turned up my nose, but she said that I could get shrimp. So, I went, and again, it was my best meal in KY. I had them grill jalapeños alongside the green peppers on the camarones Jalisco dish. Excellent white sauce, and again, because it’s KY, bacon. However, it was wonderful.
I’d never had this lager and it was good too!
I went to the brewery, Yancey’s Gastro pub, in Glasgow and it was also wonderful. The Apron Leaf IPA was excellent. Then I walked the town for a little while trying to find the fort, but couldn’t. The people were friendly and helpful, but I was tired, so I drove back to the inn. I sat outside looking at the hills and reading my book. (That was when my son started calling me about the cooler that he broke and he’d frantically do that for the remainder of my trip.) I listened to the roaring trains and relaxed outside for about an hour.
Lush, chill rural Kentucky
I realized that I had a minimum of a 5-hour drive the next day, so I had to eat something before I got on the road. I’d be skipping the breakfast the next day that was included. I went to another Mexican place recommended by the inn keepers, but it was like shrimp in mayo on tortillas. Not a great meal and was obviously more of a cocktail bar, which is probably why it was recommended.
I logged 25,712 steps this day.
I got coffee at Miss Betty’s the next day and the staff was so nice. I should have eaten breakfast too, but I wasn’t hungry yet. So, I drank only two cups of coffee so as to be caffeinated enough to drive to North Carolina.
I am glad that I saw KY on this solo vacation.
I had a really long drive. I was back on the rolling hills aggravating folks for driving the speed limit on the curves until I got out of KY. I stopped for the restroom at the State Line convenience mart and asked to use the restroom. People are so friendly in TN. The clerk insisted twice that I didn’t have to buy anything, but having starved a couple of times on this particular vacation, I bought a granola bar.
I was fascinated by the jars with pickled chicken and quail eggs. He asked if I needed something specific and I said, “No, I had never seen single jars (6-8 eggs) of pickled chicken eggs outside of a vat behind a counter. And these quail ones are not something that I’ve ever seen. I think that every region has it’s own unique cuisines.” He said, “What about pickled bologna?” and he pulled up one of those vats that typically have eggs or large pickles in them, but it was hot sauce red. I told him No, and the young guy in the store with me said, “You’re not from around here, are you?” I told him that I wasn’t and he told the clerk, “I’ll be needing a couple of pieces of that.”
I got back in the car and made the mistake of thinking that driving through Pigeon Forge would be something that I could do without eating. I wanted to eat in NC. However, I just needed to be free of the Las Vegas of TN, which is Pigeon Ford, so I ate at Bullfish. It was great. All of my meals in TN were.
Charbroiled oysters with Hippies and Cowboys IPAWild caught pistachio encrusted trout with siracha butter, grilled broccoli and rice pilaf
After an hour, I was ready to continue on through Pigeon Forge. I got gas at a Buc ee’s.
Wow.
Wal-Mart with the cleanest restrooms on the planet and more crowds than Dollywood. I picked up Korean BBQ Beef Jerky, which horrified me later because when I was getting gas a huge cow was bellowing in the hot trailer on the other side of the island of pumps.
NC: I finally got to Cherokee. I had a no frills cabin with only one window because the one by the bed housed an air conditioner. However, the bed was the best one that I had on my whole solo vacation. It was nice and firm and I could look out the window in the bathroom while laying in bed. I also had a beautiful reading spot across the road on the property.
There is a little wooden bench by this roaring creek. NC was so nice.
I walked the town of Cherokee that night. The river has fishing and swimming and you could see the bottom. It was gorgeous. I also walked the bamboo forest in this area.
Ocanaluftee Islands Park
Cherokee is beautiful. Although I didn’t quite log 10,000 steps this day; I thoroughly loved being in NC. People are friendly, helpful, and my accommodations included roaring water. Driving through TN and getting into the Smokies was also wonderful.
Hemlock are dying because of an insect. Rangers are trying to use a specific insecticide on them.
I slept the best the whole trip on this night. I had a nice blackened fish meal at All Fried Up. I was so excited to hike the Smokies the next day.
Cherokee, NC is walkable and niceBlackened fish with green beans. All entrees come with coleslaw, hush puppies and a corn bread muffin and you get to pick what you’d like for a side dish!
I got up and went to the Visitor’s Center. I walked the river and the farm. From the ranger at the main house on the farm I learned that the Great Smoky Mountains National Park has 800-miles of trails and 2,100 miles of water flowing through it. I hiked just under two-hours near the Visitor’s Center and enjoyed the buildings and equipment on the farm. I had a nice quiet hike along the river and enjoyed walking through the outdoor museum here.
River Trail on the other side of the farm near the Ocanaluftee Visitor Center
After writing out some postcards, I got back in the car with Ranger directions to Deep Creek area of the park. I got worried that I’d done something wrong because I hadn’t hit the trailhead yet. I stopped at Deep Creek Tube Center and Campground. There I found one of the most genuinely nice people who I encountered on my trip. If you go to the NC side of the Smokies, rent your tubes or camp here. She loved her job and explained that I hadn’t quite reached the area to park yet. She read my directions provided at the Visitor’s Center and said that those would confuse her too. She gave me a little map and highlighted how to continue my short drive and where to park.
When I got there it reminded me a bit of a commercial waterpark, so I just started hiking. People were carrying tubes and yelling. Some were also drinking really heavily.
The first two waterfalls were very pretty.
Tom Branch FallsIndian Creek Falls
That day marked not only my most miles of just hiking, but made me appreciate how easily you can either get a little lost or be around no other human. However, I saw butterflies, wild water, waterfalls, and areas wherein I didn’t feel safe as a solo hiker going alone. There is apparently a cemetery in the hills around Deep Creek, but trees had fallen on parts of the trail, so I turned back around.
I had stopped up where you can see light and a contour in the trail because there was a fallen tree and no one around. I hadn’t seen anyone in almost an hour.
I felt like I could hear wildlife breathing. I also hiked around another steep trail within the trails and turned back around because of some poop that I saw that didn’t look like horse poop. It’s a little scary at times to be hiking or cycling alone. I tended to turn back when I felt like there was too much risk being solo.
I would recommend a hiking partner at the Deep Creek area and maybe other areas too. I would also recommend a hiking hat with a net because mosquitos swarm your face and when you wave them over and over it makes your view of things less spontaneous. It was somewhat steep too, so I probably would’ve benefitted from my trekking poles for the descents.
I was glad that I didn’t have encounters with any bears. I loved this hike and felt accomplished. I was wondering why folks were not hiking up? Perhaps the Deep Creek area is mostly for tubers. I decided when I was winding back down through the trails to see the last falls. I knew it would be steep again and was covered in sweat, but I was curious about them.
Juney Whank Falls – so worth the just under a mile hike
In total, I was hiking for about two-hours in this area. I covered nearly 5-miles and logged 11,660 steps.
I drove back to Bryson City and realized that I was no longer interested in the hour and some change drive to Asheville. I know that when I see friends this weekend I’ll get chided about that, but I didn’t want to spend another three-hours in the car when it was my last day on this solo vacation. I went to Bryson City Brewing and ate some Brussel sprouts and hung out. I found out that there would be karaoke later. My server, Lara, was cool and fun to talk to. I learned from them that folks work seasonally here as river guides. Lara recommended Mountain Layers Brewing, so I walked up there and enjoyed a wonderful IPA. I bought a wine glass to take home so I always remember it.
When I was walking back, I heard an incredible singer. It was Lara’s friend who is also a guide. I went inside and ate nachos with beer cheese and noticed that no one else would sing. I had already complemented this singer who sang and left. She was remarkable. I thought that she sounded autotuned. I felt like I’d not heard someone quite this good in a long time. I sang once and then went back to my cabin. I logged 25,704 steps that day.
The next day, I drove toward Gatlinburg mostly through Great Smoky Mountains National Park. I did pull over for the bathroom once. I stopped paid the $5 fee (Again, like TN, you may pay to park, but don’t have any entrance fees) and walked around the rim of Clingman’s Dome Visitor’s Center. June 15, 2024 was the park’s 90th birthday! I saw a little sign that marked the Appalachian Trail that marked over 1900-miles to Maine! That sign gave me pause having been on Mt Dessert Island two years ago.
I’m so grateful to have seen and also hiked some of these Great Smoky Mountains!
7-years ago the pipe that took water out of the house to the city sewer system caved in and backed up all the plumbing in the house. The basement was flooded. Our pets were so freaked out. We didn’t have our tiny black cat at the time, but the dogs and the two cats were cowering, trying to comfort each other and in general fear mode.
Not right now. My dog is asleep next to me. Her sister is in a little bed that she uses. My cats are all three sleeping on my bed. I can’t believe it because the jackhammer is shaking the front of our house.
I tend to think that animals follow your lead. I don’t like all the noise, but I’m not reacting much to it. It’s just annoying, but I know that it won’t last forever.
It was over 17k all said and done.
The work that I’m doing now is nowhere near that amount. I paid out of pocket for removal of trees that were really overgrown weeds all along the perimeter of the backyard. I also paid out of pocket for all the insulation that I did this winter, and think that I can do that too with the work that I’m having done right now.
It’s significant to me to be able to choose what needs to be done and the timeline for it.
This entry is about construction and improvement.
I’m getting a concrete block at my garage entry, a drainage system to divert water from the front of the roof to the tree on the east side of my house, the irrigation going, a new porch, demolition of the hideous concrete in the back where the irrigation, hose hook-up, and evaporative cooler water flow is, the 60s or 70s tin shed is already gone, they’re laying a new concrete base, and new concrete on the side of garage where a poorly installed irrigation system had eaten away the concrete.
The Carpenter will custom build a small shed after the concrete is poured and is completely cured
I’m chilling. It’s noisy, dusty and disruptive. However, it’s not all that bad and my animals know that too. They’re not reacting much at all even when the crew is cutting rebar against our house. I’m constructing myself too. I love living alone, getting rid of deteriorating things, and looking forward to all the renewal.
It got oppressively hot this week. Everything is fried. I sat in the heat on the patio drinking coffee last weekend in a glider on the porch. There are chickadee babies in the birdhouse in the corner and it’s very sweet to watch them feed their babies larvae and little grasshoppers. I’ve been keeping the hanging birdbath that I got with Aveda points full of water for them. I am going to work all summer to improve both gigantic yards so I can sit outside. I’ll sit in the back this summer and sit up front in the fall.
Last summer it rained throughout May and most of June. We had 5.86 inches of rain in June. This place usually gets 15 inches of precipitation in a year! It was really hard to do any yard work because it was raining and often very hard. Then the weather shifted and it just got beastly hot. I’m paying for that pattern next year. We have city composting, and on Saturday and Sunday I filled up my city bin with cheat grass, some long bindweed and Mullen. One of the latter had blown in the yard in 2020 or 2021 and now the seeds propagate everywhere from wind, birds and such.
I think it will take me forever to get these weeds under control. I gave my Roundup to my neighbor because it disturbs me to kill all the moths, butterflies and lady bugs. The bindweed is hideous. I’m unsure if you can ever truly get rid of it anyway.
I didn’t make a dent in the weeds.
Family Connections: I spent the majority of the weekend with my family because my cousin got married. She is my first cousin’s daughter. The former and I are very close. It was so great to be with her and her kids. Those interactions didn’t feel weedy with the exception of my son hitting a wall, getting overwhelmed, having a bizarre conversation on the phone with his girlfriend in the car after we had to leave the wedding, and then going home with me to talk.
Saturday night he told me that he wants to break up with her and doesn’t know how. Yesterday when we worked out he said that they were taking a break and then going to couple’s therapy after the break. I told him that an 18-year-old has to go to couple’s therapy is sad and strange. It’s no secret that I don’t approve in the slightest of their relationship. I’m not going to comment ever again about it. That situation is entangled too.
A few sunflowers in the bindweed
Children’s Book: It’s May. I told the Climber that I’d ask her again about illustrating our book and that story has a few turns too.
I had a good day at my other site. My last day there is May 31st! I got a really good job next year for that part of my assignment.
After seeing clients who are done, and terminating with three clients, I did documentation and wrote a report for my other site. I decided to go home an hour early and use sick leave.
We have instant messaging at work that it’s a little bit like Slack, and I chatted to the Climber, “Do you have a second today to answer a personal question?”
I didn’t hear back and left around 3. I was driving home and in a mass of traffic and got a text from her. She never texts. It said, “Came to look for you in your office!” I texted her a picture of my dashboard and the street. I got home and she texted again. It said, “Mega hailstorm here and I hope that you’re driving safe.” I sent her a picture of my dog and my son’s cat on the rug with a text caption, “I’m home safely. I hope that your drive is safe given the weather.” Then she called me 10-minutes later!
We had a quick conversation and she asked what I wanted to ask her. I said, “Well, it’s May, and I told you that I wouldn’t bug you about our book, but I’d ask again in May. Can you illustrate for us?” She apologized for not working on it and said, “Yes.” It was definitive. I told her that with the Boss laying into her, her not knowing if she’d still work there in the fall and spring, and all the stuff going on, I understood and that was great news. So, if she’s at work on the 31st, I’ll have to ask her about timelines.
Lots of weeds. Lots of connections. Some sunflowers.
We’ve had a few warm days. The new trees have leaf buds on them and most of the trees in the neighborhood are now fully leafed out. This year, I’ll get nearly as many irises as I did last year. One did snap in the high winds, but is still tilted on the plant. Last year it rained all May and June and we’ve had little moisture this year. I had tons of irises last year and didn’t see them until they were spent. I was a mess last spring given trying to get the house on the market.
We had these bulbs for 8-years, but they didn’t bloom until after our divorce. They were given to my ex-wife by a friend that she ended her friendship with because of the friend not prioritizing her.
We won both games of kickball last night. I got on base four times and scored runs twice. I popped the ball up during our last game because the sun was setting in my eyes. I tagged a runner out before he could score or get back to third.
I’ve started running again and will do mostly interval runs. I had forgotten how hungry running makes me, but I’ll do it because my son is going to the gym with me twice a week with a goal of three times. I had already been doing the elliptical every Monday, and don’t want to get bored. I also believe in cross training, so running again every week will be good.
I have to walk my dogs and then go to one of our largest parks in the city for the spring clean up. I love volunteering and will do more of it now that I only have one class to teach in the summer term.
Did you know that you have a knock sensor in your engine? Mine was failing. The check engine light is no longer intermittently coming on, but it was $648.
I have to go to Ann Taylor for slacks and a new shirt. I don’t have any slacks that fit me very well. I don’t want to be in a dress at my dinner tonight because my legs are sooooo white. I bruise really easily too so I need a tan to wear shorts, or bare leg skirts and dresses.
The event is a dinner. I was invited by the author. She is becoming a mentor to me. I get to go to our group on the 20th as well. I’ll be done with bowling league this Monday.
I’m that combination of nervous-excited. Uncomfortable emotions for sure, but I’m pushing through them.
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