Category Archives: Spring 25

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Fifth

My flight took off an hour and a half late, so I wasn’t settled into my hotel until almost 4 in the morning in downtown Chicago. I also forgot to hang the Do Not Disturb tag so I didn’t get to sleep until noon. I was granted a 1:00 pm check out although the Blues Festival was taking place; however, I had the scary banging knock from housekeeping at 9:30. 😦 After hitting Billy’s Bagels, I went to the Dearborn Station Park and ate a Chicago Turkey bagel. It was sooooo good.

I didn’t know until I was in Manhattan at the end of last summer that you have to download prior and should probably also print maps in large cities, because Google can’t give walking directions when there are too many tall buildings around. I went to the library downtown and the clerk printed directions for me for walking to the Art Institute of Chicago.

I was so happy that Frida Kahlo’s Paris show was there. You were able to read her love letters to Nick Muray. I feel a kinship with her. She was critically injured and then plagued by pain, she was clearly polyamorous, and she didn’t want to cohabit. I also love her art and didn’t know that she did a Paris show or why that and her trip to Europe occurred.

I drove to Rockford because I wanted to see the Anderson Japanese Gardens. They’d been featured in a blog entry of a blogger who I follow. I didn’t know that Rockford was so walkable and that the Edgewater subdivision had such diverse architecture. I took a night walk and counted 3 fireflies.

The following morning I walked to the gardens and they were wonderful. I started my many days of relaxation and contemplation.

Then I drove to Kenosha. Lake Michigan is gorgeous. And the only drawback was that smoke is pooling from Canadian wildfires and it was hazy, but I was glad to be there.

The following morning I went to the public museum, donated money because it’s free, and voted for my favorite transparent water colors. The museum hosts a contest of these every year and I was there for the 49th annual contest. They look so realistic and your eyes play tricks on you as you’re convinced that many are photos and not watercolors. I also rode the electric streetcar and learned about their 4th of July festival.

Then it was time for me to drive to Indiana. It started to rain so there was a break in the smoke when I got there. I was staying at the best AirBnB that I’ve ever been in. I also got to see Indiana forest sunsets due to a short smoke break.

The next day I explored Indiana Dunes National Park. I can’t say enough about how beautiful this park is and what a great way it offers to explore Lake Michigan.

I began my stubborn and limitless belief leg of my vacation thereby hiking miles and miles on a knee with severe osteoarthritis, chondromalacia, no cartilage behind the knee cap, and bone marrow edema above the knee. I don’t care either. It was so worth all the pain and swelling.

The full moon rose after the gorgeous sunset.

Those two days were incredible. This park doesn’t seem to get much traffic or because I vacation in early June, I don’t see folks. I was alone on plenty of trails and was able to reflect and just be. I enjoyed exploring the marshlands too and hiking above them as well.

I left that incredible area and accommodation. Wow. That was paradise in that area of Indiana and the room that I had was comfy, quiet, clean and so modern.

Next, I drove to Southwest Michigan. I had a tiny room. But, the Inn was historic and had a private beach.

Both mornings, I took my coffee on the giant porch in a rocking chair looking at Lake Michigan. I didn’t take my phone with me and spent 2-hours outside. I would reverse the ritual at night and one night took the 135 steps down to the beach to watch the sunset. This Inn is just incredible. I met a woman who is also a Professor and she told me that I should come to this Inn in September. She was very worldly, speaks and writes fluently in French, and has been on beaches all over the world, but told me that Lake Michigan is the best one. I kind of agreed with her given some moments.

The next morning I went back to Indiana Dunes National Park and saw the farm there and hiked a bit, but it was far too smoky again so I decided to go back to Chicago.

A quick tip for folks is that there is some free parking available near University Village on street. I ate wonderful deep dish pizza and salad and then walked the river. Chicago is nice. My girlfriend is from the suburbs and wants to show me around someday. I had a great time back there before I flew back home.

Do you travel solo? Why or why not? Where are you going to travel to before you are unable to walk?

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Drawing Board

I thought that we had a nice date. I hope that she’s not having buyer’s remorse. I’ve barely heard from her. If she cancels next Thursday, I guess that I can ask her before the music night that my best friend is hosting, or even when she confirms or cancels Thursday, if she wants to still hang out. She’s entangled with a guy who sounds like he has Avoidant Attachment. I tried very hard to get her to consider having a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Her thing is that he is not even committed to her and it’s mostly FWB, so it’s difficult for her to see that scenario.

I was banned from Tinder. Hahahahahaha. They don’t give any information with regards to who reported you or why you can’t log in. I asked for a refund because you can’t file an appeal if your account has been shut off rendering you unable to login at all.

I tried another help ticket and got similar information. They don’t tell you anything. You just can’t login, which also means that you can’t make an appeal.

So, I made a HER account the following day and it just blows up. I can’t even keep up with it. I have a phone date to see if a walk is a good idea on Tuesday.

I finally get to hang out with my current GF 1-1 on Saturday. Thank you.

She had asked me in April to host a BBQ for her best friend, which I’m doing. I can stand and will ice and elevate between grilling. My knee still sucks bad. LA is making salads for it. I still need to run to Costco to get burgers and run by the bread store to get buns. I’m going to spend all day cleaning on Sunday.

My son and his new bromance helped me weed for an hour on Wednesday. It’s so nice to have help!

Unless something huge happens, I’m not going to write anything until mid-June. I don’t think that I’ve ever needed my Solo Vacation this badly.

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Ouch

In addition to the severe osteoarthritis that I have, I also have chondromalacia, and have written about the damage that I did to the cartilage behind my knee. I also have bone marrow edema in my femur. I’m in a ton of pain and need to connect with my neighbor–she offered–who is a Physical Therapist.

That’s not the main topic.

It does hurt like a MF though.

I don’t think that I mentioned that there was this gigantic man was coming up the stairs when my girlfriend and I were looking for a restaurant on May 3rd. I noticed his arms, because that tends to make me feel really envious. I always wish that I could get that big. My girlfriend told me that he was breathtaking later in the evening. I didn’t love that, because I want my date to be on a date with me and not looking at other people.

The Monday before we were seeing an author, and she asked me, “Are you having a ton of fun here? All the women are so tall! I have never thought of you as short and you seem so in this crowd.” I told her, “When I’m on a date, I don’t look at other women.”

I spoke with her directly on Mother’s Day about her lusting after the young, fit guy who was on a date with his girlfriend. I didn’t like it, and I told her.

It’s interesting to me that she texted something yesterday that seemed somewhat passive aggressive.

Baby Daddy is hideous. He has his daughter’s inheritance diamond unless he pawned it. I didn’t know until May 3rd it’s a replacement ring because my GF’s mother’s ring was “lost” alongside her jewelry box when the estate finalized after her Dad died. (My GF’s mother died when she was 10.)

Her new ring that I designed was to have her birthstone, her daughter’s birthstone and a diamond in it. My GF didn’t like that idea because she said it’d look like Christmas. She’s not wrong.

Anyway, the ring is mostly homage to her parents, but she likes that the light blue sapphire is somewhat a reference to my birth month.

There were issues with the ring getting here. It was really trying and upsetting me me. I texted her, “Does nothing work post-COVID?”

She texted, “Your sex drive seems to.”

I didn’t know where that came from. I texted that I’d not had sex since the 19th of April. Then I started processing–I process really slow–and told her that I certainly wouldn’t be having sex on Friday! I also move really slow.

She did call me in the afternoon yesterday and we had a nice and easy conversation. She obviously is feeling very hurt about me dating. A week ago she said that she didn’t think that it would move fast. I’m not sure why she’d think that.

I’m 50. I am fit. I am kind. I make enough money to not have financial reason to cohabit.

Why wouldn’t I have a date within a couple of weeks of making a profile?

I’m so excited for Friday. We were originally scheduled for Wednesday, but she had to change it because her ex-husband changed his dental surgery date. She didn’t feel good about someone post-sedation watching her 10-year-old son. His surgery was yesterday.

Friday night, is a “date night” as Keanu Reeves puts it in “Something’s Gotta Give.” I like that.

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Steady

After my doctor’s appointment–I am so glad that my son met me there after taking the bus–I made dinner for him, and made my girlfriend some Thai-inspired coriander chicken with broccoli. I went over there to talk. She had wanted us to watch a movie, and I thought that wouldn’t have been a good use of our precious time.

I find her the easiest person to be around because she’s mellow and accommodating. I was really tired and not super communicative.

We did talk about my new love interest. I have a couple videos of her which she sent (text) that I showed my girlfriend. My new love interest also has a large TikTok following so we watched one of her lifehacks together.

She said that she didn’t think that she looked straight and that I am prettier. I don’t agree at all. She’s conventionally pretty with large eyes and a great mouth. One of her appeals is her voice. It’s moderately deep and she has a great cadence.

My girlfriend did say that if she saw her in real life and her whole presentation that she might find her more attractive. And when I was telling her a few things about her she said, “She sounds like me.”

They are alike in many ways. They’re just over 7-years apart (April birthday and July birthday) and they are athletic / dancer types. They’re both extroverts. I don’t know what my new love interest played in high school and will ask about that on Wednesday. They had loss of a parent at young ages too. Neither one drinks and don’t want partners who drink.

My girlfriend explained that she had no idea that it would go fast. Meaning that I would talk to her on Saturday about beginning to date and make a profile the following day and then have a date within two weeks.

I told her about my location changes when I travel and she was somewhat shocked. I told her that a couple of women who I saw annually for something fun like a vacation would be ideal.

She told me, “You’re just more poly than I am.” I explained that while that is true that she loves her ex-husband more than me. And that’s factual so she agreed. I’m not sure that polyamory has degrees, but is likely expressed differently.

Then we talked about sex generally. I would never have sex with someone who I didn’t know again. I did that twice in my thirties. One relationship stuck for years and I’m still amiable, and have an infrequent, but am still in communication with one woman. The other one is one with whom I have no connection to whatsoever.

I think it takes about three-months to begin to know someone.

I met my new love interest in November and have only just now reconnected.

I want to see how our date goes on Wednesday, and I also want to kiss her if it goes well.

I wonder how our pace will go?

When I talked to her on the phone, I told her that I go pretty slow. She was glad about that. She hasn’t been with a woman in many years and was married for 12 to a man.

I think that slow and steady will also have some benefit for my girlfriend.

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IRL

I think that I’m just better with in person meeting. Years ago, I met one woman on Chemistry.com and we just spent a couple of weekends together. A friend ran an OK Cupid for me and I had a couple of months of dates with a tall, blue-eyed flute player. However, online dating is pretty difficult.

I had a very cool thing happen on Tuesday. I was scrolling through Tinder before I went to a meeting and saw the girl who hugged me and rubbed her hands all over my body at Karaoke Thanksgiving week. I had her number anyway so I texted her about seeing her profile and we exchanged a few texts. I told her that I’d take her to dinner outside of the context of Tinder. I asked for a phone call.

Again, in real life stuff (IRL) is how I roll.

Yesterday, she asked me to go roller skating alongside the women who she and her best friend had met at karaoke in November. (One of my friends was dancing and making out with her best friend that night.) She texted only me and I asked her if she would like me to forward that text to these women. I haven’t roller skated since 7th grade and would be terrible now, and can’t anyway given my knee. I wasn’t sure if she wanted to see me or go out in a group. She didn’t answer that, and instead began a long text exchange with me. I even left work late!

I’m so looking forward to our phone call. She wants to go to karaoke in a group before our date, but I think that I’m just too busy this weekend.

I am unsure what’s going to happen with my girlfriend. She had texted me fairly late yesterday a laughing emoji with the words “How is active dating going?” I just called her.

I had the tough conversation with her on Saturday, and I think that my position isn’t understood. I don’t understand hers either, so because she thinks that I’m being aggressive, I told her that I’ll just talk to her on Friday. She has a friend here from Chicago anyway.

I would rather, and this isn’t shocking being that I’m Solo Poly, just continue to date her when she makes plans with me. We have some really wonderful things in our relationship and she’s the nicest woman whom I have dated. Saturday was no exception. It was a nice date.

I’ll see Friday if she wants to be friends. I have named that directly and kicked it around frequently since March, so I’m fine with that. I don’t want to fight about a lack of sex anymore. That’s just weird and goes nowhere.

I’m very excited for my phone call with the woman whose Tinder profile I saw after having met her in person in November. She is about 5’10”, has a fantastic body, hazel eyes and sandy brown hair that she highlights. I have called out that I am ten-years older and she texted that she’s always drawn to older people. She has a ten-year-old, which means that she had him at the exact same age that I had my son. She’s also a Taurus, which is easy for me given that I’m in my element. She knows about my GF and that I’m Solo Poly. After we go to dinner, I’ll write an update.

I may write another one on Sunday after Mother’s Day stuff with my GF and our kids depending on how the weekend goes.

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Oops

I think that I write all the time about how I’m really good with computers–I don’t really like them–due to having strange software all the time at all of my jobs. I’m not good at apps.

I had to ask my son why my profile wasn’t completed. Turns out that within a submenu there was a scroll down that wasn’t marked. 🤦 So, my profile is 90% going and I pay for Tinder Platinum. The sad thing is that being Gen X, I only loosely understood swiping left makes a woman disappear! Hahahaha. Goodbye forever, Beautiful Woman.

I’m a tool. I should write that on my profile.

I’m going to use it marked where I live for a month, and then move my location to Chicago for a week in June, as I’m going to Lake Michigan. I’m going to Rhode Island (never been there) for a lesbian event at the end of July and will move my location again.

So far, it’s mildly reinforcing. However, when I talked to my girlfriend at the end of our date on Saturday she said, “Wait, you want a girl with no STIs, who can sleep with as many girls as she wants, but only one man, and you want to slowly get to know her?”

Hopefully, for paying $7 a week, it won’t just sit. If it does, I’m going to have to try to get really creative.

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Knee

Five-days after I last wrote in my blog there was a sloppy, snowy puddle in a dark stairwell at one of my sites. I should’ve been more careful, because a 15-year-old who I was walking out after our session fell there 20-minutes before. I helped him up. He had scrapped his shin. I thought “Don’t wear Crocs.”

Except that the stairwell is really dark when it’s overcast, so I didn’t see the puddle and fell at the base of the staircase. My leg went under and behind me. The knee hyperextended. All my weight fell on it. I had to awkwardly pull my leg out from under me. I tried to do the group that is scheduled, but my knee just kept swelling. I had to call our Human Resources Department and then get a case number and head to Urgent Care.

Although it happened on the 3rd, I had problems with the insurance adjusters. I didn’t get a MRI until the 30th. The Physician’s Assistant called me yesterday. It’s three things. Two are old things. One is brand new. I have damaged all the cartilage behind my knee cap.

I have severe osteoarthritis. This diagnosis isn’t shocking. My leg was in a full leg plaster cast for 14-months as an adolescent. I didn’t get a walking cast for a long time and then had to rehab my knee for a couple of years.

I have chondromalacia. I was born knock kneed on my left leg, and then getting hit by a car and having 7 fractures was largely unhelpful.

I will finally see the Physician on Friday. However the Physician’s Assistant told me that what is likely is that he’ll send me to the Orthopedic Surgeon for a consultation.

I’m in very good physical shape for 50. I have a realistic, yet mostly positive outlook. I think if I’m being honest with myself, it’s really a matter of timing and figuring out the best way to get a total knee replacement down the road or sooner.

It’s been very sad for me to do a super long hike quickly and then be like someone in her 70s coming back down. I am so slow with downhill anything. This issue has been going on for a long time. Now, it’s so much pain that I haven’t been able to bike to work, run on the treadmill or do the elliptical, had to quit bowling and couldn’t be on either of the kickball teams this spring.

Oof. Any thoughts?

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Phases

When I had a two-year-old, I was single. Two is a tough age generally. The good thing about it is that they can talk, and the bad thing about it is they are still a baby.

She came over yesterday afternoon and gave me a big smile in her car as she was parking in my driveway. She wasn’t wearing her glasses so her green eyes were not obscured and beautiful. I like them when it’s overcast.

My dog got so excited that she pooped in the house and there was a loose dog outside too that I thought maybe my neighbor had adopted, but he just put it in his backyard and said he’d call. The little dog had a collar on. We finally got into my house and I took her hands and led her back to my bedroom.

My son was studying at the library yesterday.

I know that much of our obstacles are her getting used to seeing someone who doesn’t want to co-habit or remarry. However, she has said that now she likes having all of her parenting choices within her sphere of influence and that is easier in most respects.

Anyway, Baby Daddy is a piece of work. No financial, emotional or any support. He’s not seen her daughter in a couple of years and he texts “Hi,” late at night and ignores all of her texts of pictures that she used to send. He also has or has pawned a 3/4 karat diamond that he has had in a safe for their daughter which was my girlfriend’s mother’s ring. He ignores texts my girlfriend sends to ask to get it back. He’s an asshole.

The ring makes me feel awful. For that reason, I am working with a jewelry designer who I know to make a white gold ring with rhodium overlay. There will be a lab diamond and two gemstones. Hers is a ruby and her daughter’s is an emerald. I want her daughter to inherit something given that her dad may continue douchebaggery.

Yesterday after we’d connected and talked a bunch, I asked her if she wanted to go get some food.

She said that she needed to get her finger sized. (I was super concerned that she wouldn’t wear / like her birthday present so told her about it on Tuesday after we were getting a late bite after the concert.) I told her that she’s a 5. She said her finger is bigger. There is no way.

However, we went to an expensive European jewelry store in our expensive shopping district. She’s a 5.5 and she barely listened to me, but believed the proprietor when she explained European sizing, bandwidth, and when it’s cold not wanting it to slip away forever. She texted the designer her size when we left.

Then we picked up fast casual burgers and I ate mine in the car. She told me that she can’t believe how fit I am with how much I eat. She said that her ex-husband couldn’t do that either. I told her that I exercise a lot and she said, “Not really. When I was doing various tris and marathons, I was in the gym an hour a day everyday.” I didn’t tell her that a mother could never do that. And that’s true. You can’t do lots of things that you’d like to do with a kid. Some of your previous self never comes back.

I asked her if I could tag along to the daycare school and hang out with them. We talked about interesting clients on the drive over. Her daughter was stoked to see me. We all played at the park together and then I asked her not to take the highway back to her house but take street because I intended to bail out when she was at a stoplight. I did and walked home.

I’m so glad that we talked through this conflict. I can’t wait to blog about what she does for plans for us this upcoming month. We’re in different phases of life. It doesn’t change how much of my heart she has.

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Adjustments

My girlfriend drove over to my house on Tuesday afternoon and we left for the concert. We were chatting and she said, “Well, there’s an elephant in the room.” I said, “You’re going to make me talk about this now instead of Sunday?” And she said, “I think I am.”

I told her that we’d been dating nearly 7-months and she hasn’t made a single plan. I told her that I had realized that after I ensured that February was a good month with lots of varied plans and we’d even had sex once which wasn’t my expectation. Her experience of February is a month marks all kinds of tragic reminders and anniversaries, so with getting through it well, I thought that we’d be solid. Then I realized that March was less plan heavy and included some expectations not being met after they were decided on. I figured that April and May could go by if I didn’t hustle with date planning.

I can’t do casual.

I need to matter.

She told me to talk to my former metamour (ex-husband). I told her absolutely not and that I didn’t want to talk shit about her with him. She said that was harsh. But, that’s what it would be. I don’t need to complain about my girlfriend to her ex-husband. I get that she isn’t good about planning and such. However, I told her that April was a call to adventure and if she wanted to see me, she has to make some plans.

She told me that it made a lot of sense.

Yesterday we were supposed to have pizza with her ex-husband to have a belated birthday celebration and then he wound up bringing his new family. I couldn’t talk to her about the changes in plans because I had fallen asleep and then had a massage. She wound up cancelling the babysitter.

I was grateful when she said that she understood that I didn’t want to go. And they all had a ton of fun. There were five of them. I wouldn’t have, and would’ve felt compelled to pay and wouldn’t have wanted a $200 or more bill. It all worked out.

She called me last night to tell me about their night and a tooth that she needs to have repaired. The crown popped off. Hopefully, I can still see her today. I get it if I can’t, and won’t trip out.

I think that we’re just working on our stuff. Some of it is mine. I don’t like ever being an afterthought. I also need to feel desired and be top of mind for a girlfriend. I’m so interested in what April will entail.

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Comet

Almost 7-months of dating.

Oof. I’ve made all the plans for us less NYE and did add dinner to her plan because I wanted some time with her 1-1.

I’m also at a point wherein I’m not getting enough physical intimacy. That is something that I want and sometimes feel like I need.

I tried to have a friendship conversation with her on Saturday the 8th and she cried and was really upset. I think that we have been like friends all month though. She asked me, “Do you hug and kiss your friends?”

I do.

I also would be perfectly comfortable holding a friend in a bed to comfort her.

We have really fun plans this week. I told her on the phone last night that I don’t want to color those plans so we’ll have a talk on the 31st at some point. I hope that it’s not at night. I hope that it’s not in the running car while her daughter is “napping.”

In fact, now that I’m writing about it, I realize that I would pay for the super expensive older babysitter too. I don’t know if that’s on the table though because she’s her daughter.

It’s horrible, but if she doesn’t have clients that night, we may have to have the conversation at 7:30 that night. That is always a difficult time for her because it’s like her afternoon and she is intermittently sleepy.

Her sleep is 11 pm to 12 am until about 3 or 4 am. She’s up for an hour, and the she goes back to sleep until 9 or 10 am. She’s done this since her daughter was sleeping through the night.

It’s no secret that I’m both intense and passionate. I took a picture of what a friend wrote in our sophomore yearbook and sent it to him yesterday afternoon.

In 1991, he wrote, “Keep playing your guitar. For some reason, you reminded me of a big rockstar or something.” Yesterday as we were texting back and forth with him and he added, “And me writing that makes so much sense in my head still! Like you’ve always had this big energy that’s so uniquely you!!”

I endorse the quote by Naomi Wolf too. “Do nothing without passion.”

So, here’s my idea for the last day of the month. And, I want it to be that day if it’s even remotely possible.

I haven’t made a single plan for us in April.

I want to be her comet. When she feels moved to see a ballet, a show, eat Thai, BBQ, etc., she can text me. I’m totally down paying. Now that my career is filled out, I make lots of money.

I also want to be around at those rare times when running her practice, full-time parenting and managing her life leaves room and desire for sex.

However, she can text me. Things are feeling way out of balance. And it’s lacking passion.

I want to be there when it makes sense for both of us. It’s not right now.

And, I get it. She went from wanting a nesting partner and trying to get me to be convinced that I want to remarry, to not wanting a stepparent for her daughter, to now loving all her solo time that she rarely gets. She still wants a girlfriend though. And I’ve not felt like her girlfriend this month. I think that she needs to think about that a bit. I want her to hear my perspective and see what she thinks.

For my part, right now, I’d like to be her comet.