I saw the best thing early this morning when I woke up to have a coughing fit. It was one of those Venn diagrams, which are often touted by educators, but it has three overlapping circles with “self” inside of it. It was in a blog. I had to post it. Captions at the tops of each of the circles talked about what people need from people in their lives. I’m paraphrasing here, because I closed my social media site after posting it–after all I’m in the mode to unplug except for this activity. Self included: people who always make you smile, people who always teach you something new about the world, and people who you want to spend the rest of your life with, which applied to self, which was actually the word “you” on the diagram. That’s it.
I’m pairing down. I only kept non-close people in this first round of unfriending from my church community, because you do see them every Sunday, and could wind up cleaning up their yards and doing food drives for them. Plus, not to be homocentric, but it’s something that I’ve noticed over the last 18-months, they would do anything for my son. Tons would show up if he were sick, and probably some of them who I have never said a word to or even made eye contact. I think because many of them never wound up having kids, they love the few kids who attend church. Some of them know who I am too. As an example, a guy and his boyfriend grabbed me as I was exiting the large liquor store that is part of the local grocery store that I use. He said, “We go to your church. We love to hear you read.” I don’t think that I’ve mentioned prior that I have a husky, radio voice. No clue who this guy is. But, connection would be extended in the other direction if he or his bf were sick or something. You help people in your community.
I don’t want former colleagues who don’t keep up with my son on there. I don’t want people who don’t have similar values on there. I don’t want any exes on their except for my second girlfriend, who I lived with for three years in college. She is barely bi. I am the only woman who she has had sex with, and she has two kids, a straight marriage, a great career, and lives 350-miles away from me, because I went to college out of state. She also relentlessly teases me, has known me 20-years this fall, and will “get” me on some levels that new people just won’t. Of course, my ex-husband is also on there, but shit, I’ve known him 19-years this fall, and we share a child. He doesn’t really get himself on the whole, but he is part of my life. My ex-gf from college falls in the “make me smile,” and “someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with.”
Church girl never wrote back. I recall, I believe that she promised to call after our first date as well, and never did that–although, I did have to cancel our second date. I don’t think that she’s consistent. That’s something that I am. I’m also willing to work hard and see things through. Please recall that I wrote the apology to her more for me, because I wanted her to know what truly was bad timing and that I believe she will have peace, prosperity, and a wonderful girl in the future. Her first partner died. I don’t know how. But, we are not dating, and I made my honest, authentic olive branch.
My ex cannot always make me smile. Mostly because interactions with people is chess with her. She must control all moves. My ex taught me 4 new lessons about the world. I thanked her for those the before the last time that I saw her. My ex is not someone who I want to spend the rest of my life with. I’m glad that we dated, she left good lessons for me, but I don’t want to see her or seek her out.
I’m really ready to move forward. I’m so good on my own and can chill with friends in three to four hour intervals any day of the week. They are my family. I have a beautiful son. Our dog is very sweet. I have kept my house and my car and have stayed afloat amidst pay cuts and huge health insurance hikes. I’m set for a future, and very much looking forward to the next steps on this journey.