Dating apps are mostly torture. You have people that you see IRL and realize after three dates that they’re not likely friendship material.
The last woman that I had three dates with doesn’t stop talking. Not for a second. You have to interrupt her with simple attending behaviors.
I had a date with a woman who was love bombing to a giant degree and her car smelled of strong marijuana.
Then, I have had those ghosting and cancelling ones that never happen.
The latter are in the category that I shall dub “super fun.”
I started thinking that would be the way with this woman.
I can’t give her a name yet. And we have certainly had to work on our communication. But, it’s getting there and I will be so incredibly sad if we don’t have our video call on Monday. We have plans to be together for the 31st and I want to make those via the video call.
I want some magic. I want more than 3-4 hours in a row spent together in manner in which it can just organically flow. I want us to decide if we venture out of a hotel room when we wake up or if we don’t. I want to snuggle and talk.
First things first.
She had asked me after we had a phone call on the 5th of August and I was making her laugh if I was trying to steal her heart? I texted, “No!” and quoted the author again that it’s much better to walk into love. She told me it was working.
In the meantime, I want a lovely video call, and then a decently long date in person. For the pursuit of magic I am certainly willing to break my no kiss on the first date thing.
That’s been 14-years!
I don’t think that I mentioned that she lives in my state much nearer to to other states than to my city.
Now, I am left wondering if she and I have any potential magic.
Magic, like chemistry, is mutually fed. It has a rhythm and a cadence. I really want it. I’d like it to be with this woman.
What do you do when you’re in the holding pattern? Waiting for the moment is a test of patience.
My GF has these super long range baby monitors. Last Monday she connected with the accountant on the main floor of her building–she has the only apartment in the building–and gave him the baby monitor, so if there was an emergency, he could get her daughter out of their apartment. We went to the orthopedic surgeon in my car early Monday morning.
I didn’t ask her to come with me. I was grateful that she did.
When we got to the orthopedic surgeon’s practice, we were in the Physical Therapy Clinic instead. We had to go to another building altogether.
It’s so good when you’re anticipating something to have someone there with you.
She and I found the building.
We talked a whole bunch and I was glad because my appointment didn’t begin until 8:35 and I was told to get there at 8:15 and we had arrived at 8.
We went back to an exam room and the nurse took a fat vial of blood out of my arm. My GF loved the color.
She said that she’d centrifuge my blood for 8-minutes.
The orthopedic surgeon came in after 5-minutes and I introduced him to ________. He went over my MRI mostly with her. I thought that was cool. She has nothing to do with my DNR and isn’t my emergency contact (ex. baby monitor in the first paragraph), but I liked the way it wasn’t a thing for him.
I just introduced her by saying, “This is ________.” That’s always what I say. I don’t think saying, “This is my girlfriend,” make sense. She is a person with her name. Regardless, I liked him just going with it and he didn’t know if she was my sister, spouse, intimate partner or friend.
The orthopedic surgeon measured my crummy range of motion (It’s been bad since I was 13.). Then he explained the process to both of us. The nurse came back in with a new vial and it looked like urine now.
He started talking to me about mountains. I told him why my favorite one was my favorite one. He said that he was going to numb the area and that was the worse part. It wasn’t though.
Then he said he was going to inject my knee. That felt so weird. It was really gross. The process lasted probably a minute or two for the injection part. I didn’t watch, but ________ did.
He asked me to extend and flex my knee a few times and we were done. We could go back to the apartment and pick up the baby monitor from the Accountant. She had a client so I had to leave quickly. I felt numb emotionally. I was glad that she was there to support.
That night we went to a community showing of a movie with her daughter and best friend. Her best friend said that my GF told her that I didn’t even flinch.
I still have quite a lot of pain. I don’t know if I can hike downhill. I did makeup cardio on Friday night.
I was so sore afterward and yesterday too. I’m not sure how much it’s worked to cushion the fact that I don’t have cartilage behind my left knee cap anymore after April 3rd. I’ll have to see.
Google Protein Rich Plasma (PRP) if you’ve never heard of it.
The experience has been emotionally triggering as it’s a reminder of my initial injury in 1988, and the fact that my knee is living on borrowed time. I don’t know how long it will be before I have to have partial knee replacement. In the meantime, I just want to see if I can hike downhill.
I weigh 142.6. It’s funny because women always guess me at 130 and then when I tell them what I weigh they always say the same thing. “Muscle weighs more than fat.”
I think that I want my first hike to be with a new love interest that I have. She and I have been exchanging lots of messages on Teams and talked briefly on the phone recently. Our next step is a video call on Teams. She’s 3-inches taller than me, so if I can’t get down when we hike, I can lean on her.
I have never been able to bend my left knee very much since I was 13
I’m not sure when these became all the rage… Maybe in the 2010s decade?
My ex-wife and I agreed that gifts are mostly dumb.
I’ve been thinking about this topic a lot lately as I’m rounding the corner on 11-months with my girlfriend too. Also, they’re on the middle portion of most women’s dating profiles.
Hands down, I am a Physical Touch person. I think that it’s how I receive all input.
As a brief aside that’s what has been so troubling about my blowing out all the cartilage behind my left knee cap. I can’t move like I want to and it’s very depressing. It’s odd too because I don’t talk to my members of my bowling or kickball teams anymore. Just slightly related to that is that both of those sports involve alcohol, so that is probably what they’re doing socially when they’re not playing.
I love having my hand held. I love an arm around me. I love all things related to sexual intimacy.
Secondary to that is that I need and crave Quality Time. And mine is a tall order. The time spent shouldn’t be casual and should rather be involving interaction, cooperation or some manner of incredible conversation wherein I am learning.
I know that I’m best at Acts of Service. I just think that’s being a Virgo. I can see the holes, quickly analyze them, and then fulfill the need. And, I don’t want those to be reciprocated. When I’m helping someone, I just know that it’s the right thing.
I do not like gifts.
I also don’t like Words of Affirmation. In fact, when someone is way into that as a love language expression, I recoil. They feel like disingenuous bullshit. Or, especially in the case of when my son does them, I know that he wants something from me. It’s usually money.
I am NOT a one-off person. When I love, I love HARD. I don’t want to put that on my dating profile though because I agree with my friend who’s an author that you should walk into love.
Hahaha. Can you tell that in 6-weeks I have a birthday?
What’s your love language for receiving? Is yours different than what you have for giving? Do you think that these are important to discuss with romantic partners?
I took this picture on my 50th birthday in The Met
I have been out on three dates since I have been on the app. I had plans for six, and two were not happening. One because the girl was a tease and maybe side hustling for money and the other because I wasn’t positive if I’d be back in town on time and also got a flat tire. She asked someone else.
The other one was cancelled by a woman who has had the best DM game that I’ve read since May and we had an easy and fun conversation on the phone before we made date plans. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t super disappointed in her cancellation. I won’t text her because she said the time wasn’t right and she is presently maxed out socially, but I’ll hope that she texts me someday in the future.
Dating kind of sucks.
I am having my fourth date today. And it’s with a woman whom I’ve gone out with one time before.
We talked on the phone in May before I left for Lake Michigan. And it was hard to hang up. She can really talk. I mean that. I thought that it was maybe because she was nervous. Well, our date was like that too and I told my therapist last week that she asked me one question, and the question was defensive.
People feel some kind of way when you work in mental health.
She asked, “Do you ever have the ability to turn it off given that you provide mental health?”
I talked about what I had suggested for her son when she was talking about him and she qualified the question. She was making sure that when I meet people I don’t look for pathology.
I told her that people who don’t see their role in lack of compatibility with previous partners have red flags for me. I think understanding attachment is important. I also think that it takes two to fight and have conflict. Now that I’m not having stress of cohabiting, I can see that I’m able to resolve conflicts. I don’t have enough skills or desire to fix problems when you have to see the significant day in and day out. I’m glad that I know that about myself now.
Those things didn’t scare her off.
However, she really didn’t stop talking. They were long stories too–albeit all interesting–and sometimes I didn’t have to use attending behaviors or anything. She just talks.
So, I called it out. At the end of our date I said, “I hope that you learn some things about me when we get together in two weeks.”
My GF turned bright red when I told her that over our dinner last Saturday.
I said, “That’s mean? I meant it. She LEGIT asked me one question, and I don’t want to date someone if she doesn’t want to get to know me.”
My girlfriend said that she would be profoundly embarrassed and ashamed if I said that to her.
I told her, “You ask me questions all of the time. The first time we texted, you asked me all kinds of questions. You’re interested in me.”
My therapist thought that was a good question to see if she knew that she had dominated the conversation.
Regardless, I’m curious today if she and I have chemistry. That’s such a difficult thing. You have it or you don’t. I’m going to go to the gym now and then get ready for my date. We shall see.
My current GF has a three-year-old. That means that this child is really her whole world. I hope that because she puts every ounce of herself into her child that will yield a securely attached person who can fit into the world.
That’s also meant that I make plans for all of our dates.
I’d like that to shift completely.
We went to an interesting talk on July 9th and out to dinner. I had fun. My GF paid for the babysitter and our dinners. The talk that we went to was related to her industry and she’d heard about it via someone she works with and a person she met at a work conference. I thanked her for the date plans and she laughed and said it wasn’t really a plan.
At the end of last year (12/31/24) she partially planned a date, and it included her best friend. She bought NYE concert tickets. I paid for parking, transportation, the babysitter and wound up tacking on dinner that night which I paid for as well. Her best friend showed up at the end of our dinner so we could transport together to the venue.
I think that last Saturday was the first full date that she planned and paid for over the course of our ten-month relationship.
She picked me up, we drove to another city, we took a stained glass class, we walked around an art fair and then had dinner together. She paid for the babysitter too.
We had a pretty tough conversation over dinner too. I feel like there were seeds planted that will continue to sprout going forward. However, the whole night yielded a net positive and we will likely have some more balanced experiences going forward. I really liked the date. I thanked her for it several times and it made me feel special.
Tonight we’re going to a theatrical rerelease of a film that I wasn’t able to see in the theater. It came out when I completed my undergraduate degree and was beginning my first round of graduate school. I’m not sure what time the babysitter will get to her, so I don’t know if we can get food before. My GF doesn’t do any carbohydrates for the most part and no sugar, so movie food isn’t an option. Worse case scenario is that we grab local burgers on the way home.
I’m a great date. I’m a great planner of dates too. I don’t take any time that I have with a beautiful woman for granted. I don’t believe in falling back on default responses or not engaging in meaningful experiences.
I hope that she knows that I want her to plan some dates for us.
I’ve been dosing psilocybin for 7-months. You can have the drug and use it in 7 states. It’s been being studied actively by the Food and Drug Administration since 2023.
I think that ever since the documentary about mushrooms became wildly popular, folks have been given pause regarding using it to change their brains. I’ve been taking non-psychoactive mushrooms since 2012. I was recommended a TED talk by an employee at a grocery store and wanted to strengthen my immune system overall.
I’ve not had an ounce of alcohol since 12/30/24. When I started micro dosing, I didn’t want anything to be interfering with my serotonin production. Thus, I quit drinking at the end of 2024. A couple of nights ago I was thinking about a glass of Red Zinfandel and my stomach felt like it was on fire. I don’t miss alcohol. I was definitely what you’d consider a consistent beer drinker prior to this year, and La Croix is a great substitute for it.
I suppose that I will occasionally drink again. I don’t want to right now. Maybe after February 1st 2026. I think that I’ll be an occasion-only person.
I smoked some pot for a few years. I had a horrific experience in a bathtub wherein I didn’t think that would my brain would ever rebound, so I’ve never touched it again. I know that despite the genetic modifications, it makes me beyond paranoid. I have no desire for it.
The same thing is true with cigarettes. My Mom had me take a drag off hers when I asked when I was 4 and I threw up on the floor, so I have never been a smoker.
I didn’t want to anxiously ruminate on things that happened at work or when the natural progression of friendships end. I started psilocybin.
I can tell you that I’m way less in my head than I’ve ever been. I can tell you that I don’t experience very much anxiety at all. I also have been able to grow with others having tough conversations wherein I need to be flexible and change.
I don’t know what generic psilocybin the FDA will approve. I don’t know what big pharma will package. I can tell you that each strain interacts with people differently, and I am reasonably confident the generic drug will be dilute, but will have some psychiatric benefit for most people. There are many different strains and geneticists study all species.
I think that I’ll have permanent lasting changes in my brain by the middle of next winter. I don’t see myself as needing to micro dose long term. I’ve been grateful for the impact that psilocybin has had in my life.
I was walking home after a concert with the author last night and she asked me how my girlfriend and I are doing. I told her that we are doing well for the most part and that sometimes she gets emotional, which is unique for her, as she’s not particularly emotionally triggered by anything. She is a crier, and often has tears in her eyes, but is never angry and rarely irritated. We haven’t had a major disruption in the force because I’ve only kissed one woman who’s not even practical to date. However, things are brewing generally and we’ll see how it shifts.
The author and I were talking about this super young girl who was texting me pictures yesterday. I’ve been matched with her on the app since I got on the app. I’ve never met her.
She started that up about an hour before the author was to be at my house and I texted, “You’re a tease. If you want to go on a date at some point, let’s schedule.” I also told her later in the evening that I would block her if she doesn’t show on Friday.
Anyway, who knows what will happen with her on Friday? I mean it when I say that I’ll block her number. I’ll look at two pictures of her for awhile and then block her if she doesn’t show up. Purportedly, we’re having a negotiation conversation. That’s not anything that I’ve done before and the idea is appealing.
I was talking about this woman and a date that I had on Saturday and various other things when I heard, “Is that _____ ?” Oof. A neighbor. Listening to me talk about this young girl and my dating.
I also thought it was a different neighbor and introduced her to the author with the wrong name. After a bit, I realized that was the only thing that I was embarrassed about. I texted back and forth with her and she remarked about how funny the author is, and I sent her the author’s website. She basically said, “Good for you,” and wished me well. I only apologized for using the wrong name.
I guess that I don’t care who knows that I’m Solo Poly.
I had a really scary Chevette in 1991. My Dad was generally an intense and angry person and he didn’t want to work per se, but did. When he bought a newer car (new to him, as it was used) he gave me his Chevette, which he used previously for commuting to work and errands. There were holes in the floorboards which would shoot geysers up when torrential rain would gather on the streets. He hated driving and literally pushed holes into the bottom of his car.
Some asides about my Dad: I think that his preference would have been to live abroad (He did for many years, and his mother did some power play stuff to get him back to the states.) in a commune working collaboratively. He was also a Marxist and well-read and he believed in a specific philosophy of Marxism. He didn’t want to be married and certainly didn’t want to be a father. He did, however, give me his Chevette when I was 17 and my Mom wasn’t driving me to school any longer. I don’t have a car to give my son and because my brother is now gone, I can’t get help with navigating this experience with my son.
I have only used a Car Broker for cars that I’ve bought. There just doesn’t seem to be a quick turnaround with Brokers these days.
I’ve put a ton of parts into mine in the last three months. I’m going to drive it two more years and then I’m going to research and get something new. I don’t know that I am going electric. I had thought that they were more ecological because the batteries don’t need to be replaced, which isn’t true. I’ll spend some of the summer of 2027 researching cars before I get mine. I have only had 6 different cars across 50-years. I never drove my ex-husband’s cars and only drove the four that my ex-wife leased a handful of times across the nine-years that we were together. I don’t think that I’ll drive my son’s car either.
We test drove two cars yesterday and now I have to go back to the lot by 2:00 or so. I’ve researched exactly what the car is worth. The nice thing about it is that the one that he prefers hasn’t been in any accidents. However, it did spend a few years in Minnesota, so I’m going to have my son take it to a mechanic who owns a muffler and radiator shop to look under it. If there is rust, we won’t keep it. We have 90-days to return it.
Now it’s time to pay closer to what the value for the car is actually, which is super unpleasant.
I had a nice date with Mountain Girl and the turn off was marijuana. I totally get that it’s legal, but it grosses me out. It’s too adjacent to smoking cigarettes. She also lives really far away and I don’t want to hustle. I got in her Volvo two Saturdays ago and it smelled like pot smoke. We had fun, and she clearly likes me. I just don’t think that this is the situation that I’m pursuing.
I had a cancellation for a walking date and changed it to a phone date with different woman. I know that it’s all intermittent reinforcement and am hoping that something will materialize in the next month.
After getting banned from Tinder, I made a HER account and almost had difficulty managing it for awhile. Now, it’s simple. If you’re not verified, I don’t message you. If you’re between 25-39 I assume that you only want sex or a sugar mama. Pretty straightforward.
Enter the mountain girl.
But, first let me tell you what I had learned and utilized.
I had a rhythm. If you were real, I either waited until you messaged me or vice versa and then I scheduled a phone call. Sometimes it wasn’t getting to latter because plenty of women either freak out when you’re Solo Poly or when they really see that you are, after more DMs, they stop writing to you.
That’s all good.
I’m not looking for a standard cohabiting escalator partner.
I won’t change my mind.
I just want at least one other GFs and will continue to be open to the correct comet situations.
The mountain girl hails from Dallas and has also lived in Connecticut and travelled all over the east coast. She moved here with her partner and ran a pizzeria for awhile. They’ve been divorced a year. She’s mostly retired and has all her own money. She has a boyfriend and is a relationship anarchist. She builds her relationships individually with each person including her friends. This blog entry is a good overview of things that I believe about myself and what terms are typically in relationship anarchy.
We had great DMs and then wound up talking just under 50-minutes. She went on a weekend vacation with her BF and was texting me. That would’ve really irritated me, so that would be something that she and I would talk about prior, if we reach that level and stage.
I’m going to be in the mountains all weekend for a polyamory event.
The mountain girl and I spoke on the phone twice yesterday and I told her if it’s flex this weekend with having folks come to pick me up and not stay for a bit that I’d love to have some in person time with her. I texted the author and she said that I’m not chained to the house so of course I can meet up with her.
I can’t wait to see if we also have in person chemistry. She’s normally 4-hours away from me, and I tend to think that it’s nice to miss someone. I’m excited to see what is what. I’m also excited for my event this weekend.
My flight took off an hour and a half late, so I wasn’t settled into my hotel until almost 4 in the morning in downtown Chicago. I also forgot to hang the Do Not Disturb tag so I didn’t get to sleep until noon. I was granted a 1:00 pm check out although the Blues Festival was taking place; however, I had the scary banging knock from housekeeping at 9:30. 😦 After hitting Billy’s Bagels, I went to the Dearborn Station Park and ate a Chicago Turkey bagel. It was sooooo good.
I didn’t know until I was in Manhattan at the end of last summer that you have to download prior and should probably also print maps in large cities, because Google can’t give walking directions when there are too many tall buildings around. I went to the library downtown and the clerk printed directions for me for walking to the Art Institute of Chicago.
I was so happy that Frida Kahlo’s Paris show was there. You were able to read her love letters to Nick Muray. I feel a kinship with her. She was critically injured and then plagued by pain, she was clearly polyamorous, and she didn’t want to cohabit. I also love her art and didn’t know that she did a Paris show or why that and her trip to Europe occurred.
I drove to Rockford because I wanted to see the Anderson Japanese Gardens. They’d been featured in a blog entry of a blogger who I follow. I didn’t know that Rockford was so walkable and that the Edgewater subdivision had such diverse architecture. I took a night walk and counted 3 fireflies.
The following morning I walked to the gardens and they were wonderful. I started my many days of relaxation and contemplation.
Then I drove to Kenosha. Lake Michigan is gorgeous. And the only drawback was that smoke is pooling from Canadian wildfires and it was hazy, but I was glad to be there.
The following morning I went to the public museum, donated money because it’s free, and voted for my favorite transparent water colors. The museum hosts a contest of these every year and I was there for the 49th annual contest. They look so realistic and your eyes play tricks on you as you’re convinced that many are photos and not watercolors. I also rode the electric streetcar and learned about their 4th of July festival.
Then it was time for me to drive to Indiana. It started to rain so there was a break in the smoke when I got there. I was staying at the best AirBnB that I’ve ever been in. I also got to see Indiana forest sunsets due to a short smoke break.
The next day I explored Indiana Dunes National Park. I can’t say enough about how beautiful this park is and what a great way it offers to explore Lake Michigan.
I began my stubborn and limitless belief leg of my vacation thereby hiking miles and miles on a knee with severe osteoarthritis, chondromalacia, no cartilage behind the knee cap, and bone marrow edema above the knee. I don’t care either. It was so worth all the pain and swelling.
The full moon rose after the gorgeous sunset.
Those two days were incredible. This park doesn’t seem to get much traffic or because I vacation in early June, I don’t see folks. I was alone on plenty of trails and was able to reflect and just be. I enjoyed exploring the marshlands too and hiking above them as well.
I left that incredible area and accommodation. Wow. That was paradise in that area of Indiana and the room that I had was comfy, quiet, clean and so modern.
Next, I drove to Southwest Michigan. I had a tiny room. But, the Inn was historic and had a private beach.
Both mornings, I took my coffee on the giant porch in a rocking chair looking at Lake Michigan. I didn’t take my phone with me and spent 2-hours outside. I would reverse the ritual at night and one night took the 135 steps down to the beach to watch the sunset. This Inn is just incredible. I met a woman who is also a Professor and she told me that I should come to this Inn in September. She was very worldly, speaks and writes fluently in French, and has been on beaches all over the world, but told me that Lake Michigan is the best one. I kind of agreed with her given some moments.
The next morning I went back to Indiana Dunes National Park and saw the farm there and hiked a bit, but it was far too smoky again so I decided to go back to Chicago.
A quick tip for folks is that there is some free parking available near University Village on street. I ate wonderful deep dish pizza and salad and then walked the river. Chicago is nice. My girlfriend is from the suburbs and wants to show me around someday. I had a great time back there before I flew back home.
Do you travel solo? Why or why not? Where are you going to travel to before you are unable to walk?
I thought that we had a nice date. I hope that she’s not having buyer’s remorse. I’ve barely heard from her. If she cancels next Thursday, I guess that I can ask her before the music night that my best friend is hosting, or even when she confirms or cancels Thursday, if she wants to still hang out. She’s entangled with a guy who sounds like he has Avoidant Attachment. I tried very hard to get her to consider having a boyfriend and a girlfriend. Her thing is that he is not even committed to her and it’s mostly FWB, so it’s difficult for her to see that scenario.
I was banned from Tinder. Hahahahahaha. They don’t give any information with regards to who reported you or why you can’t log in. I asked for a refund because you can’t file an appeal if your account has been shut off rendering you unable to login at all.
I tried another help ticket and got similar information. They don’t tell you anything. You just can’t login, which also means that you can’t make an appeal.
So, I made a HER account the following day and it just blows up. I can’t even keep up with it. I have a phone date to see if a walk is a good idea on Tuesday.
I finally get to hang out with my current GF 1-1 on Saturday. Thank you.
She had asked me in April to host a BBQ for her best friend, which I’m doing. I can stand and will ice and elevate between grilling. My knee still sucks bad. LA is making salads for it. I still need to run to Costco to get burgers and run by the bread store to get buns. I’m going to spend all day cleaning on Sunday.
My son and his new bromance helped me weed for an hour on Wednesday. It’s so nice to have help!
Unless something huge happens, I’m not going to write anything until mid-June. I don’t think that I’ve ever needed my Solo Vacation this badly.
In addition to the severe osteoarthritis that I have, I also have chondromalacia, and have written about the damage that I did to the cartilage behind my knee. I also have bone marrow edema in my femur. I’m in a ton of pain and need to connect with my neighbor–she offered–who is a Physical Therapist.
That’s not the main topic.
It does hurt like a MF though.
I don’t think that I mentioned that there was this gigantic man was coming up the stairs when my girlfriend and I were looking for a restaurant on May 3rd. I noticed his arms, because that tends to make me feel really envious. I always wish that I could get that big. My girlfriend told me that he was breathtaking later in the evening. I didn’t love that, because I want my date to be on a date with me and not looking at other people.
The Monday before we were seeing an author, and she asked me, “Are you having a ton of fun here? All the women are so tall! I have never thought of you as short and you seem so in this crowd.” I told her, “When I’m on a date, I don’t look at other women.”
I spoke with her directly on Mother’s Day about her lusting after the young, fit guy who was on a date with his girlfriend. I didn’t like it, and I told her.
It’s interesting to me that she texted something yesterday that seemed somewhat passive aggressive.
Baby Daddy is hideous. He has his daughter’s inheritance diamond unless he pawned it. I didn’t know until May 3rd it’s a replacement ring because my GF’s mother’s ring was “lost” alongside her jewelry box when the estate finalized after her Dad died. (My GF’s mother died when she was 10.)
Her new ring that I designed was to have her birthstone, her daughter’s birthstone and a diamond in it. My GF didn’t like that idea because she said it’d look like Christmas. She’s not wrong.
Anyway, the ring is mostly homage to her parents, but she likes that the light blue sapphire is somewhat a reference to my birth month.
There were issues with the ring getting here. It was really trying and upsetting me me. I texted her, “Does nothing work post-COVID?”
She texted, “Your sex drive seems to.”
I didn’t know where that came from. I texted that I’d not had sex since the 19th of April. Then I started processing–I process really slow–and told her that I certainly wouldn’t be having sex on Friday! I also move really slow.
She did call me in the afternoon yesterday and we had a nice and easy conversation. She obviously is feeling very hurt about me dating. A week ago she said that she didn’t think that it would move fast. I’m not sure why she’d think that.
I’m 50. I am fit. I am kind. I make enough money to not have financial reason to cohabit.
Why wouldn’t I have a date within a couple of weeks of making a profile?
I’m so excited for Friday. We were originally scheduled for Wednesday, but she had to change it because her ex-husband changed his dental surgery date. She didn’t feel good about someone post-sedation watching her 10-year-old son. His surgery was yesterday.
Friday night, is a “date night” as Keanu Reeves puts it in “Something’s Gotta Give.” I like that.
After my doctor’s appointment–I am so glad that my son met me there after taking the bus–I made dinner for him, and made my girlfriend some Thai-inspired coriander chicken with broccoli. I went over there to talk. She had wanted us to watch a movie, and I thought that wouldn’t have been a good use of our precious time.
I find her the easiest person to be around because she’s mellow and accommodating. I was really tired and not super communicative.
We did talk about my new love interest. I have a couple videos of her which she sent (text) that I showed my girlfriend. My new love interest also has a large TikTok following so we watched one of her lifehacks together.
She said that she didn’t think that she looked straight and that I am prettier. I don’t agree at all. She’s conventionally pretty with large eyes and a great mouth. One of her appeals is her voice. It’s moderately deep and she has a great cadence.
My girlfriend did say that if she saw her in real life and her whole presentation that she might find her more attractive. And when I was telling her a few things about her she said, “She sounds like me.”
They are alike in many ways. They’re just over 7-years apart (April birthday and July birthday) and they are athletic / dancer types. They’re both extroverts. I don’t know what my new love interest played in high school and will ask about that on Wednesday. They had loss of a parent at young ages too. Neither one drinks and don’t want partners who drink.
My girlfriend explained that she had no idea that it would go fast. Meaning that I would talk to her on Saturday about beginning to date and make a profile the following day and then have a date within two weeks.
I told her about my location changes when I travel and she was somewhat shocked. I told her that a couple of women who I saw annually for something fun like a vacation would be ideal.
She told me, “You’re just more poly than I am.” I explained that while that is true that she loves her ex-husband more than me. And that’s factual so she agreed. I’m not sure that polyamory has degrees, but is likely expressed differently.
Then we talked about sex generally. I would never have sex with someone who I didn’t know again. I did that twice in my thirties. One relationship stuck for years and I’m still amiable, and have an infrequent, but am still in communication with one woman. The other one is one with whom I have no connection to whatsoever.
I think it takes about three-months to begin to know someone.
I met my new love interest in November and have only just now reconnected.
I want to see how our date goes on Wednesday, and I also want to kiss her if it goes well.
I wonder how our pace will go?
When I talked to her on the phone, I told her that I go pretty slow. She was glad about that. She hasn’t been with a woman in many years and was married for 12 to a man.
I think that slow and steady will also have some benefit for my girlfriend.
I think that I’m just better with in person meeting. Years ago, I met one woman on Chemistry.com and we just spent a couple of weekends together. A friend ran an OK Cupid for me and I had a couple of months of dates with a tall, blue-eyed flute player. However, online dating is pretty difficult.
I had a very cool thing happen on Tuesday. I was scrolling through Tinder before I went to a meeting and saw the girl who hugged me and rubbed her hands all over my body at Karaoke Thanksgiving week. I had her number anyway so I texted her about seeing her profile and we exchanged a few texts. I told her that I’d take her to dinner outside of the context of Tinder. I asked for a phone call.
Again, in real life stuff (IRL) is how I roll.
Yesterday, she asked me to go roller skating alongside the women who she and her best friend had met at karaoke in November. (One of my friends was dancing and making out with her best friend that night.) She texted only me and I asked her if she would like me to forward that text to these women. I haven’t roller skated since 7th grade and would be terrible now, and can’t anyway given my knee. I wasn’t sure if she wanted to see me or go out in a group. She didn’t answer that, and instead began a long text exchange with me. I even left work late!
I’m so looking forward to our phone call. She wants to go to karaoke in a group before our date, but I think that I’m just too busy this weekend.
I am unsure what’s going to happen with my girlfriend. She had texted me fairly late yesterday a laughing emoji with the words “How is active dating going?” I just called her.
I had the tough conversation with her on Saturday, and I think that my position isn’t understood. I don’t understand hers either, so because she thinks that I’m being aggressive, I told her that I’ll just talk to her on Friday. She has a friend here from Chicago anyway.
I would rather, and this isn’t shocking being that I’m Solo Poly, just continue to date her when she makes plans with me. We have some really wonderful things in our relationship and she’s the nicest woman whom I have dated. Saturday was no exception. It was a nice date.
I’ll see Friday if she wants to be friends. I have named that directly and kicked it around frequently since March, so I’m fine with that. I don’t want to fight about a lack of sex anymore. That’s just weird and goes nowhere.
I’m very excited for my phone call with the woman whose Tinder profile I saw after having met her in person in November. She is about 5’10”, has a fantastic body, hazel eyes and sandy brown hair that she highlights. I have called out that I am ten-years older and she texted that she’s always drawn to older people. She has a ten-year-old, which means that she had him at the exact same age that I had my son. She’s also a Taurus, which is easy for me given that I’m in my element. She knows about my GF and that I’m Solo Poly. After we go to dinner, I’ll write an update.
I may write another one on Sunday after Mother’s Day stuff with my GF and our kids depending on how the weekend goes.
I think that I write all the time about how I’m really good with computers–I don’t really like them–due to having strange software all the time at all of my jobs. I’m not good at apps.
I had to ask my son why my profile wasn’t completed. Turns out that within a submenu there was a scroll down that wasn’t marked. 🤦 So, my profile is 90% going and I pay for Tinder Platinum. The sad thing is that being Gen X, I only loosely understood swiping left makes a woman disappear! Hahahaha. Goodbye forever, Beautiful Woman.
I’m a tool. I should write that on my profile.
I’m going to use it marked where I live for a month, and then move my location to Chicago for a week in June, as I’m going to Lake Michigan. I’m going to Rhode Island (never been there) for a lesbian event at the end of July and will move my location again.
So far, it’s mildly reinforcing. However, when I talked to my girlfriend at the end of our date on Saturday she said, “Wait, you want a girl with no STIs, who can sleep with as many girls as she wants, but only one man, and you want to slowly get to know her?”
Hopefully, for paying $7 a week, it won’t just sit. If it does, I’m going to have to try to get really creative.
Five-days after I last wrote in my blog there was a sloppy, snowy puddle in a dark stairwell at one of my sites. I should’ve been more careful, because a 15-year-old who I was walking out after our session fell there 20-minutes before. I helped him up. He had scrapped his shin. I thought “Don’t wear Crocs.”
Except that the stairwell is really dark when it’s overcast, so I didn’t see the puddle and fell at the base of the staircase. My leg went under and behind me. The knee hyperextended. All my weight fell on it. I had to awkwardly pull my leg out from under me. I tried to do the group that is scheduled, but my knee just kept swelling. I had to call our Human Resources Department and then get a case number and head to Urgent Care.
Although it happened on the 3rd, I had problems with the insurance adjusters. I didn’t get a MRI until the 30th. The Physician’s Assistant called me yesterday. It’s three things. Two are old things. One is brand new. I have damaged all the cartilage behind my knee cap.
I have severe osteoarthritis. This diagnosis isn’t shocking. My leg was in a full leg plaster cast for 14-months as an adolescent. I didn’t get a walking cast for a long time and then had to rehab my knee for a couple of years.
I have chondromalacia. I was born knock kneed on my left leg, and then getting hit by a car and having 7 fractures was largely unhelpful.
I will finally see the Physician on Friday. However the Physician’s Assistant told me that what is likely is that he’ll send me to the Orthopedic Surgeon for a consultation.
I’m in very good physical shape for 50. I have a realistic, yet mostly positive outlook. I think if I’m being honest with myself, it’s really a matter of timing and figuring out the best way to get a total knee replacement down the road or sooner.
It’s been very sad for me to do a super long hike quickly and then be like someone in her 70s coming back down. I am so slow with downhill anything. This issue has been going on for a long time. Now, it’s so much pain that I haven’t been able to bike to work, run on the treadmill or do the elliptical, had to quit bowling and couldn’t be on either of the kickball teams this spring.
When I had a two-year-old, I was single. Two is a tough age generally. The good thing about it is that they can talk, and the bad thing about it is they are still a baby.
She came over yesterday afternoon and gave me a big smile in her car as she was parking in my driveway. She wasn’t wearing her glasses so her green eyes were not obscured and beautiful. I like them when it’s overcast.
My dog got so excited that she pooped in the house and there was a loose dog outside too that I thought maybe my neighbor had adopted, but he just put it in his backyard and said he’d call. The little dog had a collar on. We finally got into my house and I took her hands and led her back to my bedroom.
My son was studying at the library yesterday.
I know that much of our obstacles are her getting used to seeing someone who doesn’t want to co-habit or remarry. However, she has said that now she likes having all of her parenting choices within her sphere of influence and that is easier in most respects.
Anyway, Baby Daddy is a piece of work. No financial, emotional or any support. He’s not seen her daughter in a couple of years and he texts “Hi,” late at night and ignores all of her texts of pictures that she used to send. He also has or has pawned a 3/4 karat diamond that he has had in a safe for their daughter which was my girlfriend’s mother’s ring. He ignores texts my girlfriend sends to ask to get it back. He’s an asshole.
The ring makes me feel awful. For that reason, I am working with a jewelry designer who I know to make a white gold ring with rhodium overlay. There will be a lab diamond and two gemstones. Hers is a ruby and her daughter’s is an emerald. I want her daughter to inherit something given that her dad may continue douchebaggery.
Yesterday after we’d connected and talked a bunch, I asked her if she wanted to go get some food.
She said that she needed to get her finger sized. (I was super concerned that she wouldn’t wear / like her birthday present so told her about it on Tuesday after we were getting a late bite after the concert.) I told her that she’s a 5. She said her finger is bigger. There is no way.
However, we went to an expensive European jewelry store in our expensive shopping district. She’s a 5.5 and she barely listened to me, but believed the proprietor when she explained European sizing, bandwidth, and when it’s cold not wanting it to slip away forever. She texted the designer her size when we left.
Then we picked up fast casual burgers and I ate mine in the car. She told me that she can’t believe how fit I am with how much I eat. She said that her ex-husband couldn’t do that either. I told her that I exercise a lot and she said, “Not really. When I was doing various tris and marathons, I was in the gym an hour a day everyday.” I didn’t tell her that a mother could never do that. And that’s true. You can’t do lots of things that you’d like to do with a kid. Some of your previous self never comes back.
I asked her if I could tag along to the daycare school and hang out with them. We talked about interesting clients on the drive over. Her daughter was stoked to see me. We all played at the park together and then I asked her not to take the highway back to her house but take street because I intended to bail out when she was at a stoplight. I did and walked home.
I’m so glad that we talked through this conflict. I can’t wait to blog about what she does for plans for us this upcoming month. We’re in different phases of life. It doesn’t change how much of my heart she has.
My girlfriend drove over to my house on Tuesday afternoon and we left for the concert. We were chatting and she said, “Well, there’s an elephant in the room.” I said, “You’re going to make me talk about this now instead of Sunday?” And she said, “I think I am.”
I told her that we’d been dating nearly 7-months and she hasn’t made a single plan. I told her that I had realized that after I ensured that February was a good month with lots of varied plans and we’d even had sex once which wasn’t my expectation. Her experience of February is a month marks all kinds of tragic reminders and anniversaries, so with getting through it well, I thought that we’d be solid. Then I realized that March was less plan heavy and included some expectations not being met after they were decided on. I figured that April and May could go by if I didn’t hustle with date planning.
I can’t do casual.
I need to matter.
She told me to talk to my former metamour (ex-husband). I told her absolutely not and that I didn’t want to talk shit about her with him. She said that was harsh. But, that’s what it would be. I don’t need to complain about my girlfriend to her ex-husband. I get that she isn’t good about planning and such. However, I told her that April was a call to adventure and if she wanted to see me, she has to make some plans.
She told me that it made a lot of sense.
Yesterday we were supposed to have pizza with her ex-husband to have a belated birthday celebration and then he wound up bringing his new family. I couldn’t talk to her about the changes in plans because I had fallen asleep and then had a massage. She wound up cancelling the babysitter.
I was grateful when she said that she understood that I didn’t want to go. And they all had a ton of fun. There were five of them. I wouldn’t have, and would’ve felt compelled to pay and wouldn’t have wanted a $200 or more bill. It all worked out.
She called me last night to tell me about their night and a tooth that she needs to have repaired. The crown popped off. Hopefully, I can still see her today. I get it if I can’t, and won’t trip out.
I think that we’re just working on our stuff. Some of it is mine. I don’t like ever being an afterthought. I also need to feel desired and be top of mind for a girlfriend. I’m so interested in what April will entail.
Oof. I’ve made all the plans for us less NYE and did add dinner to her plan because I wanted some time with her 1-1.
I’m also at a point wherein I’m not getting enough physical intimacy. That is something that I want and sometimes feel like I need.
I tried to have a friendship conversation with her on Saturday the 8th and she cried and was really upset. I think that we have been like friends all month though. She asked me, “Do you hug and kiss your friends?”
I do.
I also would be perfectly comfortable holding a friend in a bed to comfort her.
We have really fun plans this week. I told her on the phone last night that I don’t want to color those plans so we’ll have a talk on the 31st at some point. I hope that it’s not at night. I hope that it’s not in the running car while her daughter is “napping.”
In fact, now that I’m writing about it, I realize that I would pay for the super expensive older babysitter too. I don’t know if that’s on the table though because she’s her daughter.
It’s horrible, but if she doesn’t have clients that night, we may have to have the conversation at 7:30 that night. That is always a difficult time for her because it’s like her afternoon and she is intermittently sleepy.
Her sleep is 11 pm to 12 am until about 3 or 4 am. She’s up for an hour, and the she goes back to sleep until 9 or 10 am. She’s done this since her daughter was sleeping through the night.
It’s no secret that I’m both intense and passionate. I took a picture of what a friend wrote in our sophomore yearbook and sent it to him yesterday afternoon.
In 1991, he wrote, “Keep playing your guitar. For some reason, you reminded me of a big rockstar or something.” Yesterday as we were texting back and forth with him and he added, “And me writing that makes so much sense in my head still! Like you’ve always had this big energy that’s so uniquely you!!”
I endorse the quote by Naomi Wolf too. “Do nothing without passion.”
So, here’s my idea for the last day of the month. And, I want it to be that day if it’s even remotely possible.
I haven’t made a single plan for us in April.
I want to be her comet. When she feels moved to see a ballet, a show, eat Thai, BBQ, etc., she can text me. I’m totally down paying. Now that my career is filled out, I make lots of money.
I also want to be around at those rare times when running her practice, full-time parenting and managing her life leaves room and desire for sex.
However, she can text me. Things are feeling way out of balance. And it’s lacking passion.
I want to be there when it makes sense for both of us. It’s not right now.
And, I get it. She went from wanting a nesting partner and trying to get me to be convinced that I want to remarry, to not wanting a stepparent for her daughter, to now loving all her solo time that she rarely gets. She still wants a girlfriend though. And I’ve not felt like her girlfriend this month. I think that she needs to think about that a bit. I want her to hear my perspective and see what she thinks.
I thought it was for elicit sex and hookup culture. It’s not if you pay for it.
Ballet Dancer and I are going to a brewery on St. Patty’s Day and then we’re going to a Lesbian Tiki Bar the following Saturday. She’s a professional dater. For real.
She told me about a paid Tinder account wherein you change your location at intervals. Let’s say for example that you want to meet some women in Balboa Park (San Diego) and in Beacon Hill (Boston). Well, you pay for an account which only other paid members see and then toggle your locations off and on.
I could get down with that approach.
Years ago a colleague told me that I was single only because I’m me. She ran an OK Cupid profile for me and I had a hot thing with a 6′ flute player with dark brown hair and blue eyes who was from Manhattan and moved here to get out West. The only problem was that she wasn’t someone who I would’ve organically ever run into and she had weird communication skills.
I had my own Chemistry account and saw a Cowgirl for a month who would drive 4-hours. We had two nice weekends together, but not enough to do anything like a relationship.
So, I had written off swiping.
I had a weak moment last spring and almost made a FEELD account, but I’m terrified of swingers in my city and surrounding area seeing my profile.
Now, I’m thinking about a paid Tinder account…
Let’s talk about dating apps… What’s your opinion of them generally?
My stylist had food poisoning last weekend so I didn’t get my hair cut or my highlights redone until Saturday. She was super efficient and my hair looks good. It’s really short and angled now. I love it.
I had way too lofty goals over the weekend, but did get several things accomplished.
I broke down the gel packs and wash them all for recycling. I have a gigantic apricot tree that will appreciate the water and non-toxic material that becomes moisture over time.
I took everything off of the patio
I used my neighbors’ pressure washer on the patio and around my French doors
I got rid of the plastic outdoor furniture less the chaise chair that I can use to get little bits of sun in my bikini.
I completely emptied the BBQ rack and moved it to the corner of the patio where the Weber and the chimney to start fires are
I put tools in my new shed
I placed a hold on the book for next Saturday night from the library for Book Club
My son came home from his girlfriend’s parents’ house on Sunday and we talked through retaking his exam, scheduling and my paying for a driver’s test, and his emptying the patio with my help.
He had a weird week and was moody and rude.
I had plans with the Ballet Dancer, but she’s been sick for a couple of weeks and has a hideous cough. I texted the Realtor / Photographer, and she was being kind saying that I could join her and housemate, but I don’t know her new housemate, so it could get very weird. I’m not usually a fan of strangers except in short bursts. I can meet strangers in activities. I like to bowl and play kickball most and have taken a few outdoor classes. Ballet Dancer is the only friend who’s stuck who I met in a class.
Monday I averaged 145 which is better for bowling. On Tuesday I worked in person with the students and it was also better than average. I saw two movies in the theater this week.
Wednesday: Did you know that Kubrick made a Hollywood style heist film? “The Killing” was good!
Sterling Hayden was the only actor who I recognized, but the others were really good.
It was quickly paced and short for a film in the 60s
There was a lot of humor
I don’t know why, but it reminded me a bit of “Strangers on a Train,” and I’m generally a huge fan of Hitchcock
Thursday: I saw “On Becoming a Guinea Fowl”
Girls in their early 20s reflect on being raped as adolescents by a village elder who has at least four victims–those who you meet in the film anyway
The elder, like all the men in the film, is tolerated and excused for violent behavior. Other men in the film seem immature and entitled.
It had wonderful cinematography and I thought that the metaphor was well framed in the film
It was a very sad movie
I teach tonight after the day job, but it’s on Zoom and is really easy. I really enjoy this group of students too.
I finally see my girlfriend tonight. It will be incredibly brief, but it will be so nice to catch up with her in person. We always text, and I have spoken with her on the phone Monday and Thursday for about half-an-hour each time, but in person is always much better. I’ll see her for about an hour on Saturday night too. Tomorrow, which is Saturday, marks 6-months of us dating.
I have a somewhat comprehensive evaluation that I’m completing today. I’m going to take all the kits and materials up to the practice office and get set up there. I am getting the dreadful COVID vaccination late afternoon, so I’ll probably be running fevers and generally feeling awful all night.
Yesterday, we took my girlfriend’s daughter to a Valentine Fundraising Event late afternoon, and then I stopped by WF and picked up food for my girlfriend to eat after we hung out and had adult time together.
Last Saturday she and I did a fancy dinner and saw a sexy ballet.
My girlfriend is another shrink. She has done the gamut: behavior tech, lead therapist in a Residential Treatment program, prison work, private practice, working for a large company with clients who are dually diagnosed and in recovery etc. Suffice to say, you can’t hide much from this woman.
I wouldn’t want to anyway.
She’s really easy to trust.
I’ve never been treated this well in a romantic relationship.
Our kids have spent some holiday time together and such. She knows that two weeks ago my son mixed LSD and lots of marijuana. He’s lucky he’s ok. I guess his Dad is too.
My girlfriend wanted to understand what my thought process was when I let my ex-husband 7 drinks loaded get into his girlfriend’s car and drive home when he was “babysitting” our son who was still very much in the throes of paranoia and other problems coming down from substances and his having not eaten much all day.
I told her last night that I didn’t care what happened to him. I don’t know why that is either. Last night I told her that he has rarely showed up for our son in 19-years.
I didn’t tell her this stuff, but I’ll write it:
He paid child support most all of the 18-years
Except when he had a breakdown and moved states, he saw our son every other weekend for about 36-48-hours each weekend
He made sure that our son had Halloween costumes and usually dressed up with him
He taught him more board games and also historical niche games that no one knows
When my second marriage was crumbling, he housed our son off and on for close to 2-years
He’s an alcoholic.
One time when we’d been married a year or under, he threw up in the sink. I was so angry. He called me a bitch.
When I finished my first round of grad school and we had a party at my parent’s house, he drank 8 beers and was talking to my second girlfriend’s fiancé in hiking boots and tighty whities.
He got a DUI and lost his license for just over a year in 2008.
My son explains that he was either laughing loudly at things that aren’t funny or falling asleep with a can of beer in his hand for an evening activity when he lived with him.
It didn’t even register to me that he shouldn’t drive home that Sunday. I just wanted him out of my house. I was also fuming that he can’t be sober or drink lightly when he’s taking care of our son who did something stupid and juvenile that could’ve had catastrophic consequences.
I’m going to talk about the situation in therapy. I’m glad that she brought it up to me.
Please comment. No shame or blame for confrontation.
I’ve given a ton of Wechsler Intelligence Scale for Children test events. There was a question on an old version of it within the Verbal domain that asked kids to think about why it’s important than getting the news from a newspaper rather than a tv news program.
What would David Wechsler think of the Internet?
Of Tik Tok?
Anyway, I just subscribed to “The Atlantic,” and am enjoying the digital articles about current events. I still scan The Times most mornings; however, it’s less enflaming to read a magazine for me…
How do you get your news? Do you read a picture magazine or the digital version? Do you get newsprint on your hands still daily or once a week?
My son experimented mixing two drugs with his friends at his friend’s parents’ house last Saturday night.
He lost his expensive headphones that I got him for Christmas, his keys on my old teenage keychain, and a climbing sling that was bought when we were visiting my former sister-in-law and her family, so it can’t be replaced.
My ex-husband got drunk watching our son for 4-hours.
The Ballet Dancer and I had a dinner–well, I ate–and a romantic concert in an 140-year-old school house in the hills and walked out under the stars Sunday night.
Too bad that the previous sentence was what was going on at home during our date.
Barring any emergency, I’m done speaking to my ex-husband.
It’s really awkward to leave a site after working there for 7-years.
ICE raids made Wednesday very difficult at work.
When you’re dating someone and typically only text between mostly weekly dates, things can get misconstrued.
I would’ve talked about my 5-month-old relationship in therapy, but had to process the first two sentences of this entry with my therapist.
I like micro dosing. I am going to have a full dose with supervision from a practitioner in July.
I made an appointment with our old family therapist who we had even seen during the pandemic.
I paid $21 for 2 dozen eggs on January 26th. I have to buy them again this weekend, and am worried that they’ll be $30.
I had a clean–from my perspective–appetizer and connection with the Realtor last night.
I don’t drink. Sometimes when I’m really thirsty or hungry and have been under stress, I want a beer. I drink Coconut La Croix.
If I’m out, I pound Club Sodas with lime while other people have a glass of alcohol or a couple of glasses of wine. I smuggled in two cans of La Croix to bowling on Monday. I only averaged 122, but did bowl a 181 in my final game.
My paycheck from my main job hasn’t cleared my account. I have to pay my mortgage.
My pay from the monthly teaching job has been reduced by over $400, so I emailed the Dean.
I need to go to the Book Designer on the 17th or 18th.
I can’t believe how much pet hair is all over my living room and furniture.
I have a dinner and hot ballet date with my girlfriend tomorrow.
Woof.
Have you ever had a week wherein you have to keep your head down and soldier on? How are you feeling now that we know that climate change impacts the way in which we eat and how much water we have for everyone? What do you think about the oligarchy? Fascism? How are your finances? Can you distract yourself with romance and entertainment when the whole world is seemingly going mad?
Enjoy this patterned bear nestled in the Smokies. Answer any questions that you see fit.
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