My flight took off an hour and a half late, so I wasn’t settled into my hotel until almost 4 in the morning in downtown Chicago. I also forgot to hang the Do Not Disturb tag so I didn’t get to sleep until noon. I was granted a 1:00 pm check out although the Blues Festival was taking place; however, I had the scary banging knock from housekeeping at 9:30. 😦 After hitting Billy’s Bagels, I went to the Dearborn Station Park and ate a Chicago Turkey bagel. It was sooooo good.
I didn’t know until I was in Manhattan at the end of last summer that you have to download prior and should probably also print maps in large cities, because Google can’t give walking directions when there are too many tall buildings around. I went to the library downtown and the clerk printed directions for me for walking to the Art Institute of Chicago.
I was so happy that Frida Kahlo’s Paris show was there. You were able to read her love letters to Nick Muray. I feel a kinship with her. She was critically injured and then plagued by pain, she was clearly polyamorous, and she didn’t want to cohabit. I also love her art and didn’t know that she did a Paris show or why that and her trip to Europe occurred.
I drove to Rockford because I wanted to see the Anderson Japanese Gardens. They’d been featured in a blog entry of a blogger who I follow. I didn’t know that Rockford was so walkable and that the Edgewater subdivision had such diverse architecture. I took a night walk and counted 3 fireflies.
The following morning I walked to the gardens and they were wonderful. I started my many days of relaxation and contemplation.
Then I drove to Kenosha. Lake Michigan is gorgeous. And the only drawback was that smoke is pooling from Canadian wildfires and it was hazy, but I was glad to be there.
The following morning I went to the public museum, donated money because it’s free, and voted for my favorite transparent water colors. The museum hosts a contest of these every year and I was there for the 49th annual contest. They look so realistic and your eyes play tricks on you as you’re convinced that many are photos and not watercolors. I also rode the electric streetcar and learned about their 4th of July festival.
Then it was time for me to drive to Indiana. It started to rain so there was a break in the smoke when I got there. I was staying at the best AirBnB that I’ve ever been in. I also got to see Indiana forest sunsets due to a short smoke break.
The next day I explored Indiana Dunes National Park. I can’t say enough about how beautiful this park is and what a great way it offers to explore Lake Michigan.
I began my stubborn and limitless belief leg of my vacation thereby hiking miles and miles on a knee with severe osteoarthritis, chondromalacia, no cartilage behind the knee cap, and bone marrow edema above the knee. I don’t care either. It was so worth all the pain and swelling.
The full moon rose after the gorgeous sunset.
Those two days were incredible. This park doesn’t seem to get much traffic or because I vacation in early June, I don’t see folks. I was alone on plenty of trails and was able to reflect and just be. I enjoyed exploring the marshlands too and hiking above them as well.
I left that incredible area and accommodation. Wow. That was paradise in that area of Indiana and the room that I had was comfy, quiet, clean and so modern.
Next, I drove to Southwest Michigan. I had a tiny room. But, the Inn was historic and had a private beach.
Both mornings, I took my coffee on the giant porch in a rocking chair looking at Lake Michigan. I didn’t take my phone with me and spent 2-hours outside. I would reverse the ritual at night and one night took the 135 steps down to the beach to watch the sunset. This Inn is just incredible. I met a woman who is also a Professor and she told me that I should come to this Inn in September. She was very worldly, speaks and writes fluently in French, and has been on beaches all over the world, but told me that Lake Michigan is the best one. I kind of agreed with her given some moments.
The next morning I went back to Indiana Dunes National Park and saw the farm there and hiked a bit, but it was far too smoky again so I decided to go back to Chicago.
A quick tip for folks is that there is some free parking available near University Village on street. I ate wonderful deep dish pizza and salad and then walked the river. Chicago is nice. My girlfriend is from the suburbs and wants to show me around someday. I had a great time back there before I flew back home.
Do you travel solo? Why or why not? Where are you going to travel to before you are unable to walk?
I take solo vacations and have since 2021. They commemorate the end of the major terms at work. I only teach one class in the summer term and it’s an easy one. Only in the summer of 2017 did I teach something relatively difficult. So, annually, I get to take 4-6 days to myself and have been seeing places where I’ve never been and, of course, I hike or cycle. They’re restorative.
Before I flew out, things seemed good until one of the irrigation settings had been turned on to every hour instead of everyday by the landscaping company. I figured that out at 12:30 am, so it made my 7:56 am plane ride the following morning rough give my lack of substantial sleep. I had to nap at the hotel too. My son watched the house and took care of my pets. However, he turned off the water to the brand new cooler, which broke the pump because it pulled dirt, debris, and bits of straw panels through it. I’ll likely have a hot house for 8-days, because I had to order a pump last night at 11:00 pm, and it won’t come into the store for a week. He also blew out the pilot light to the water heater. Thank you, Same Day Contractor. I’m using the whole house fan–with all windows open every morning in an effort to get cool air trapped for much of the day.
My trip
TN: I had to change hotels in Knoxville at the last minute due to their having a fire at the one that I booked by the Tennessee Theater. I still haven’t been refunded, because I paid ahead of time, the Hyatt said that they refunded me, and booking.com said that I have to contact my bank. This type of customer service run around is the way of the world.
My flight was early, but was good. I was just exhausted because of the irrigation turning on at my house three times every hour, and likely some stress given the quick change of hotels. My rental car was picked up seamlessly. I stayed downtown still, but it was on the quieter side of the city and not near the famous theater. I kept trying to get pictures of the theater at night, but they didn’t come out well. During the day there was traffic, so I couldn’t get a good shot, but it’s gorgeous as is the whole downtown. I was shocked to see celebrations of Pride everywhere downtown given that I was in TN.
Knoxville is very, very cool. The town reminds me of a very hilly Boulder, CO without the wildness of college kids. It’s tame and quiet. It’s also beautiful. I walked to the university and then back through the World’s Fair Park. I wound up getting drenched because I left my raincoat in my hotel, but was able to get my stuff dried out in the a/c.
Likely most people have pictures of the golden globe above the city to represent World’s Fair Park. However, I found it most cool that the pianist and composer Rachmaninoff played his last concert in TN and that this statue commemorates this performance. This shot was also taken at World’s Fair Park. Knoxville is walkable and has really good food. Before my nap I went to Market Square and had oysters and a Po’ Boy.
The Brass Pearl makes their own hot sauces! I even had to admit that the Habeñero Peach was spicy!
I logged 19,266 steps the first day in Knoxville and had a good IPA and wonderful fish tacos for a super late dinner.
This place is great.
When I was walking back to get to my hotel, the fireflies danced around the old graves at the First Presbyterian Church. It was like they lit up the grave markers and came on like a light had been switched. It was a cool church anyway and the graves that could be seen were from the 1790s. I don’t usually take pictures of graves, so you’ll have to trust me that the appearance of the fireflies suddenly gave me pause and was neat!
I got up and ate the included breakfast at the hotel and it was good. I had a large quiche bite, spinach and turkey sausage patties. I don’t typically eat meat at all on vacation, but had little choice on this particular trip. I’ll get to that later…
After breakfast I walked to the East Tennessee Historical Society (ETHS) and the gentleman was friendly and opened the gift shop for me. I needed postcards and had brought a sheet of postcard stamps. I walked to the outdoor art exhibit and took in the pieces. Then I sat on the bench and wrote.
Beautiful outdoor area at the ETHS and the weather was perfect–low 70s and breezy
I hiked at the Ijams Nature Center. It’s beautiful and a short drive from the city. It wouldn’t be walkable though because the roads are even too narrow for two SUVs. You pay only a $5 parking fee and can walk any of combination of the 14-miles of trails available.
There are paved and wilder trails here at Ijams
I bought a new soap dish that fits my pedestal sink perfectly in the gift shop that was made by a local artist. I had gotten two mosquito bites on my hike. The clerk told me that coconut oil mixed with lavender oil is the best mosquito repellent for folks who attract them like I do. (Once my cooler is fixed, I’ll try that when I’m working in my yards. I can’t do that until then because I won’t have reprieve when I come inside to hydrate and get out of the sun.)
Then I was off to Cookeville.
I was disappointed with my accommodations. It smelled like stale smoke. Because the weather was cool, I was able to open the door and also several windows. Then I found the culprit. There were two bedrooms in this little house and the one on the right didn’t have windows that would open. It was stale air that had that hint of cigarette smoke. I elected to sleep in the other bedroom. I left after airing it out a little bit and went to Burgess State Park.
This dam was built in 1929
The loop is a 1.5 mile hike to each of the falls. I think that one is a cascade and the other three are legitimate waterfalls that get progressively larger as you continue to hike down the trail. It was not crowded at all and the Ranger was helpful. All parks and natural areas are free in TN. There are not entrance fees. You rarely pay to park in parks or natural areas in this state either.
I wish that I hadn’t been hungry! I’d only had my breakfast that morning in Knoxville. Looking back, I wish that I’d gotten back in my rented car and driven to the Window Cliffs Trailhead. The area also looks gorgeous. It’s adjacent to Burgess Falls State Park and the trailhead is about 5-miles away, but after even a small hike and the two-hour drive in the morning, I needed fuel.
I drove into the town of Cookeville and the Brewery that I wanted to visit wasn’t open on Mondays or was the seafood place where I wanted to eat. I was lucky that a locally owned restaurant was and the food was wonderful. It’s called Crawdaddy’s.
Fried green tomatoes with lump crab (delicious, but cut too thick). First Grass Roots Ale down the hatch
Hot garlic shrimp on converted rice with two sides. I chose broccoli and asparagus. It was so, so good! So was the beer out of Sparta, TN
I drove back to my accommodations and aired it out a little more. I was ready for Roku and walking around there a little bit. There was a handgun training school very close to my inn, and so I walked up there because I initially didn’t know why there was so much barking–just friendly dogs guarding the school. They were cute, but very noisy. I got most of the staleness cleared, but didn’t sleep great. Again, I got to watch fireflies, which was so cool as I’d not seen any in probably 30-years.
KY: I drove to Kentucky the next day. There isn’t any place to use the restroom on the secondary roads in this part of Kentucky. There are many churches, but those are not open on a Tuesday.
I finally really had to go to the bathroom and stopped at a local grocery. It was the zombie apocalypse grocery store. There was no rhyme or reason to the organization of the food on the shelves and many shelves were barren. Boxes of cereal and other items had been piled in the refrigerated produce and dairy bins and there was nothing fresh at all. I asked to use the restroom and said that I would buy something. They gave me directions to it and I walked around all these weird aisles with random boxes on them. Finally, I found it and it was beyond filthy. I was grateful to have a toilet though as none of the areas near the rolling hills had trees. I bought a gallon of spring water and left.
I got to my bed and breakfast and was able to check in. The room was laid out in a crowded way, but was clean. The bathtub didn’t drain so I had a gross shower in two to three inches of water, but was glad to be clean and not smell stale smoke. I left after my shower and hiked 5-miles in the area around Mammoth Caves.
KY is incredibly green and has lots of rolling hills. This view shows what the state looks like from an elevated point between trees.This body of water is the aptly named, Green River, and I couldn’t take the ferry because the water was too high for that service to run in the National Park
I hiked 5-miles and really enjoyed having lots of solitude and seeing the area. Most people walk around the rim of the National Park and then wait for their tour ticket time. I saw a deer and enjoyed the dense forest, rock formations and some steep grades for hiking. The hiking is good in the area surrounding the cave entrances and visitor’s center.
I was the last person to have seating in the restaurant in the park because they were closing, so I tipped the server 30%. I would never want to be that person and have served twice before, so it was only fair to my server. When people come in when you’re closing it’s beyond annoying. I elected to not get bacon in my grilled cheese so it didn’t taste like anything and the fries were like rocks, but I was so hungry having only eaten one of the tomatoes from the night before and an avocado that I brought on the plane. Everyone was nice and attentive.
I took the Extended Historical Tour that evening. My guide’s name was Emily and she was very good. I found out later that she’d been raised in Kentucky and her Dad was a Park Ranger. She knew a lot about the ancient indigenous people who first used these caves around 2,000-years ago, the saltpeter mining for some of the gunpowder used in the war of 1812, and Stephen Bishop, the very first guide and explorer of areas in the cave that had not been discovered in recorded history.
My step count was 23,251.
I slept fairly well at the bed and breakfast that night and ate breakfast with a couple from NH the next morning. I had to ask them to be seated with them as I was the only solo traveler. The host seemed surprised, but the couple was friendly and around my age. I had bacon. I couldn’t have choices in what was plated for me because I would’ve had to tell the inn the day before. I started to realize that in KY, everything has bacon, so the grilled cheese at the restaurant in the National Park wasn’t unique nor a food anomaly.
Having booked another tour, I returned to Mammoth Caves. At 9:45 I took the Grand Avenue Tour, which doesn’t use the Historical or the New Entrance. We had to board a bus. We then went down through pristine entrance. Our guide was pretty sarcastic, but good at his job. I learned a ton, had a four-mile jaunt and got views of what seemed like the inside of a river canyon, and formations that were similar to those which were familiar having seen Carlsbad Caverns with my son in the summer of 2022.
When you start your first mile on the Grand Avenue Tour“‘Tis the Last Rose of Summer” is a song from the early 1800s that gave this formation it’s nameView from the last sets of stairs on the 4-mile tour
This area of the cave is less popular and much better maintained. The hike was long, but worth it and it was an area mostly untouched by oils from human skin. If you visit Mammoth Caves don’t expect to randomly get in, you have to book a specific tour in advance. I would take the River of Styx Tour if I ever came back.
I ate my only good meal in KY after my hike. I typically have a no Mexican food rule on vacation because it’s gross outside of NM, parts of TX and CO. I went to the Watermill and they were doing only a buffet which horrifies me, so I asked a woman smoking on the top patio there where I could get seafood. She recommended El Matzalan, and I turned up my nose, but she said that I could get shrimp. So, I went, and again, it was my best meal in KY. I had them grill jalapeños alongside the green peppers on the camarones Jalisco dish. Excellent white sauce, and again, because it’s KY, bacon. However, it was wonderful.
I’d never had this lager and it was good too!
I went to the brewery, Yancey’s Gastro pub, in Glasgow and it was also wonderful. The Apron Leaf IPA was excellent. Then I walked the town for a little while trying to find the fort, but couldn’t. The people were friendly and helpful, but I was tired, so I drove back to the inn. I sat outside looking at the hills and reading my book. (That was when my son started calling me about the cooler that he broke and he’d frantically do that for the remainder of my trip.) I listened to the roaring trains and relaxed outside for about an hour.
Lush, chill rural Kentucky
I realized that I had a minimum of a 5-hour drive the next day, so I had to eat something before I got on the road. I’d be skipping the breakfast the next day that was included. I went to another Mexican place recommended by the inn keepers, but it was like shrimp in mayo on tortillas. Not a great meal and was obviously more of a cocktail bar, which is probably why it was recommended.
I logged 25,712 steps this day.
I got coffee at Miss Betty’s the next day and the staff was so nice. I should have eaten breakfast too, but I wasn’t hungry yet. So, I drank only two cups of coffee so as to be caffeinated enough to drive to North Carolina.
I am glad that I saw KY on this solo vacation.
I had a really long drive. I was back on the rolling hills aggravating folks for driving the speed limit on the curves until I got out of KY. I stopped for the restroom at the State Line convenience mart and asked to use the restroom. People are so friendly in TN. The clerk insisted twice that I didn’t have to buy anything, but having starved a couple of times on this particular vacation, I bought a granola bar.
I was fascinated by the jars with pickled chicken and quail eggs. He asked if I needed something specific and I said, “No, I had never seen single jars (6-8 eggs) of pickled chicken eggs outside of a vat behind a counter. And these quail ones are not something that I’ve ever seen. I think that every region has it’s own unique cuisines.” He said, “What about pickled bologna?” and he pulled up one of those vats that typically have eggs or large pickles in them, but it was hot sauce red. I told him No, and the young guy in the store with me said, “You’re not from around here, are you?” I told him that I wasn’t and he told the clerk, “I’ll be needing a couple of pieces of that.”
I got back in the car and made the mistake of thinking that driving through Pigeon Forge would be something that I could do without eating. I wanted to eat in NC. However, I just needed to be free of the Las Vegas of TN, which is Pigeon Ford, so I ate at Bullfish. It was great. All of my meals in TN were.
Charbroiled oysters with Hippies and Cowboys IPAWild caught pistachio encrusted trout with siracha butter, grilled broccoli and rice pilaf
After an hour, I was ready to continue on through Pigeon Forge. I got gas at a Buc ee’s.
Wow.
Wal-Mart with the cleanest restrooms on the planet and more crowds than Dollywood. I picked up Korean BBQ Beef Jerky, which horrified me later because when I was getting gas a huge cow was bellowing in the hot trailer on the other side of the island of pumps.
NC: I finally got to Cherokee. I had a no frills cabin with only one window because the one by the bed housed an air conditioner. However, the bed was the best one that I had on my whole solo vacation. It was nice and firm and I could look out the window in the bathroom while laying in bed. I also had a beautiful reading spot across the road on the property.
There is a little wooden bench by this roaring creek. NC was so nice.
I walked the town of Cherokee that night. The river has fishing and swimming and you could see the bottom. It was gorgeous. I also walked the bamboo forest in this area.
Ocanaluftee Islands Park
Cherokee is beautiful. Although I didn’t quite log 10,000 steps this day; I thoroughly loved being in NC. People are friendly, helpful, and my accommodations included roaring water. Driving through TN and getting into the Smokies was also wonderful.
Hemlock are dying because of an insect. Rangers are trying to use a specific insecticide on them.
I slept the best the whole trip on this night. I had a nice blackened fish meal at All Fried Up. I was so excited to hike the Smokies the next day.
Cherokee, NC is walkable and niceBlackened fish with green beans. All entrees come with coleslaw, hush puppies and a corn bread muffin and you get to pick what you’d like for a side dish!
I got up and went to the Visitor’s Center. I walked the river and the farm. From the ranger at the main house on the farm I learned that the Great Smoky Mountains National Park has 800-miles of trails and 2,100 miles of water flowing through it. I hiked just under two-hours near the Visitor’s Center and enjoyed the buildings and equipment on the farm. I had a nice quiet hike along the river and enjoyed walking through the outdoor museum here.
River Trail on the other side of the farm near the Ocanaluftee Visitor Center
After writing out some postcards, I got back in the car with Ranger directions to Deep Creek area of the park. I got worried that I’d done something wrong because I hadn’t hit the trailhead yet. I stopped at Deep Creek Tube Center and Campground. There I found one of the most genuinely nice people who I encountered on my trip. If you go to the NC side of the Smokies, rent your tubes or camp here. She loved her job and explained that I hadn’t quite reached the area to park yet. She read my directions provided at the Visitor’s Center and said that those would confuse her too. She gave me a little map and highlighted how to continue my short drive and where to park.
When I got there it reminded me a bit of a commercial waterpark, so I just started hiking. People were carrying tubes and yelling. Some were also drinking really heavily.
The first two waterfalls were very pretty.
Tom Branch FallsIndian Creek Falls
That day marked not only my most miles of just hiking, but made me appreciate how easily you can either get a little lost or be around no other human. However, I saw butterflies, wild water, waterfalls, and areas wherein I didn’t feel safe as a solo hiker going alone. There is apparently a cemetery in the hills around Deep Creek, but trees had fallen on parts of the trail, so I turned back around.
I had stopped up where you can see light and a contour in the trail because there was a fallen tree and no one around. I hadn’t seen anyone in almost an hour.
I felt like I could hear wildlife breathing. I also hiked around another steep trail within the trails and turned back around because of some poop that I saw that didn’t look like horse poop. It’s a little scary at times to be hiking or cycling alone. I tended to turn back when I felt like there was too much risk being solo.
I would recommend a hiking partner at the Deep Creek area and maybe other areas too. I would also recommend a hiking hat with a net because mosquitos swarm your face and when you wave them over and over it makes your view of things less spontaneous. It was somewhat steep too, so I probably would’ve benefitted from my trekking poles for the descents.
I was glad that I didn’t have encounters with any bears. I loved this hike and felt accomplished. I was wondering why folks were not hiking up? Perhaps the Deep Creek area is mostly for tubers. I decided when I was winding back down through the trails to see the last falls. I knew it would be steep again and was covered in sweat, but I was curious about them.
Juney Whank Falls – so worth the just under a mile hike
In total, I was hiking for about two-hours in this area. I covered nearly 5-miles and logged 11,660 steps.
I drove back to Bryson City and realized that I was no longer interested in the hour and some change drive to Asheville. I know that when I see friends this weekend I’ll get chided about that, but I didn’t want to spend another three-hours in the car when it was my last day on this solo vacation. I went to Bryson City Brewing and ate some Brussel sprouts and hung out. I found out that there would be karaoke later. My server, Lara, was cool and fun to talk to. I learned from them that folks work seasonally here as river guides. Lara recommended Mountain Layers Brewing, so I walked up there and enjoyed a wonderful IPA. I bought a wine glass to take home so I always remember it.
When I was walking back, I heard an incredible singer. It was Lara’s friend who is also a guide. I went inside and ate nachos with beer cheese and noticed that no one else would sing. I had already complemented this singer who sang and left. She was remarkable. I thought that she sounded autotuned. I felt like I’d not heard someone quite this good in a long time. I sang once and then went back to my cabin. I logged 25,704 steps that day.
The next day, I drove toward Gatlinburg mostly through Great Smoky Mountains National Park. I did pull over for the bathroom once. I stopped paid the $5 fee (Again, like TN, you may pay to park, but don’t have any entrance fees) and walked around the rim of Clingman’s Dome Visitor’s Center. June 15, 2024 was the park’s 90th birthday! I saw a little sign that marked the Appalachian Trail that marked over 1900-miles to Maine! That sign gave me pause having been on Mt Dessert Island two years ago.
I’m so grateful to have seen and also hiked some of these Great Smoky Mountains!
I have gone to South Beach and the Everglades in 2021, South Harbor and Acadia in 2022 and last year I went all over OR. I’m excited to announce that my 4th Solo Vacation will take place in the south. Originally, I wanted to fly to Charleston and drive to Congaree National Park after kayaking around Kiawah Beach, but I couldn’t believe the prices of flights and rooms as well. The amended plan is to fly to Knoxville and have a rental car.
Solo vacations have been really good for me. I think that they’ll continue to be this way for me too. I was really excited last night working through my accommodations. Seeing Mammoth Caves and the Great Smoky Mountains will be wonderful. I have a hike planned in Knoxville too. There is a micropolitan town that I’m staying in for a night too and there are parks and waterfalls. The goal is to spend time in three states over the course of the week. I’m such a lucky person.
When I was a kid, I didn’t really have female friends. Right now, I don’t have very many male friends except at work. I spent all day Sunday with different women, one of whom, I have just met and want to develop a closer friendship.
SundayMorning
I took a super long walk with one of my son’s ex’s Moms yesterday. We actually wound up walking nearly 7-miles. In terms of weights, I think that I did four machines instead of my typical amount afterward because I was really sore from boxing the day before. (I can hit two of the machines missed tonight after my normal Monday cardio.) When I got home, I should’ve cooked and cleaned, but it was so warm that I wanted to prowl around a little.
Afternoon
There is a new gay bar close to our capitol, so I parked a bit away from it and walked there to get even more sunshine. I was probably there 2-minutes. The lesbian scene here is pretty limited really. The gay man scene is not. That bar was packed, but there wasn’t a single woman in it so I felt completely out of place. I walked to the bar where we used to have flip cup. Savoring those brussels sprouts–even if they’re a third of the size that they were in the fall–was worth it. I drank a Lone Star and sent the picture to my BFF in San Antonio.
Family Karaoke on Second Sundays
I thought that the bar had a show. That is how good the woman was who was singing. I talked with the bartender for a couple of minutes who told me that Second Sundays are now karaoke. The KJ came over to me, hugged me, and said, “Are you going to sing tonight?” I said that I probably would. There was a couple–I thought–at the table in front of me. I felt awkward at a high top behind them in the otherwise nearly empty bar so I thought, “What the hell?” Laughing internally when I found out that she has the same name as the Realtor, she let me sit down. She and her family had great voices.
Hanging out with a Mom
I don’t meet any women who let their hair grey, but hers is probably more grey than mine, and she highlights it differently. She is the climber’s age, has six kids–four of whom were there–and was friendly. Nice blue eyes and fun to talk to, so I was glad that I asked if it was ok that I joined their table. She then told me her coming out story. I was very interested in it. The thing is that her marriage is closed. However, when I thanked her for telling me it, she grabbed my hand. Given the green light, I hugged her before I left and gave her a card. In 2008, I had cards made with my first name, cell and email. They simply say, “Email, call or text.” She gave me a business card. I told her that if she’d like to do a happy hour some time I am game. I explained that I’m good with boundaries and don’t want her husband to murder me, so I wouldn’t touch her. She laughed and said, “Yes, good call.” It’s so crazy how realizing how good it feels to connect gives you a boost. My mood was great yesterday. I’ll email her at the beginning of next month to hang out and keep good boundaries. I put ethics above everything with the way in which I conduct myself.
Monday Morning
Today I have to run a safety protocol meeting at my other site. That means that I get out of the hideous and worthless afternoon meeting. Bonus! I texted the nice guy and climber that I’d have to drive in solo because I’m leaving three-hours early. I texted the climber that I love her company and she could feel free to ride in with me in the morning and then hop in with the nice guy in the afternoon. She has just texted back, and I’m excited to ride in with her. I am going to feed the pets (in the dark) and then shower and walk my dogs. I hate this time of year with daylight savings time and waking up when it’s pitch black. It’s so stupid to not have left the time change in April, but I guess that people have to stay out buying things that they don’t need. I guess that I, myself, went out from 4-7 last night, but I had a ton of fun and it was nice to socialize.
Wow. I might be hooked. Now, I need 6k though. Riding this beauty gave me a new appreciation for an amazing bike.
I loved this Yeti. It was a long term love.
So we had micro skill lessons regarding braking, body position, feet position and use of legs. That took a full hour and then we crossed the pavement and went straight down for our 4-mile trail ride. We had to jump a rock right away. Whoa. I was much happier climbing and thought that we would do that first. The trail was beautiful, and I was so engrossed that I didn’t take any pictures of it. I loved this class and would take it again–I probably will.
A mountain bike has a seat release on the left side so that when you’re climbing you can pop it all the way up and take your weight off of the seat while it rises. You can push down on it when you’re navigating rocks and bumps so you’re lower and well back on the saddle with your elbows out. I’m so much more comfortable with biking now generally and really can’t say enough nice things about this particular bike. I’d love to get one. I’d use it too!
So, I’m going to clean my chain completely on my road bike, and then I’m going to take my son’s old Raleigh to the used sports store where I bought my pickleball racquet new, and get him situated on my Fuji Mountain Bike. The reach is too large for me, so he can have it for getting around. I need to get something for commuting that I can put a rack on for my panier. I actually should buy a new panier and give my son one. I’m not going to have a mid-level Mountain Bike anymore. I’m going to keep my road bike and also maintain it better, get a beater commuter with some manner of shocks with a new panier and save up for a real, Yeti Mountain Bike. The sport is fun and I don’t ever need to do anything epic. I just want to ride around on trails sometimes.
She had to go to a legal conflict resolution session with her ex yesterday because the person leading it couldn’t meet on Monday. When I got to my event, one of the other professors and her female partner left. It was really awkward. I made a joke about it, and they said it was their one-year anniversary, but it was odd. I told them that I would see them in March because they’re organizing cross country skiing. That’s something that I want to learn how to do, and all the classes that I tried to sign up for at the beginning of the month are now full, so I’m really glad that one of the professors with whom I work has organized a trip. The other professors and I hung out for about an hour and she finally texted that she was on her way! By that time, only the woman who is a mentor to me and did my post-doc for me was there, but I’ve known her years and she was a little lit, so she was being super fun when the climber got there.
She looked so tired. I put my arms around her and hugged her tight, but her energy was really low. She came back to be with us and I said, “I’m getting a beer!” I had drunk water for an-hour-and-a-half because of my baggage / experience. My ex who is dying would be loaded all the time.
I flew to Mexico in 2010 for Thanksgiving and she missed me at the airport and all the resorts there have the same name, so with my Spanish that is high school Spanish, I hailed a cab and drove around. Finally the cab driver said, “Do you think that this one is it?” I sat in the lobby. She hadn’t even bothered to give me her mother’s last name. I used the courtesy computer and emailed her and sat in the lobby for an hour (Does anyone reading this entry remember international roaming and being unable to text?). At that point, a woman who I believed to be her sister, and her nephew, and his girlfriend got off the elevator in swimsuits and towels. I ran toward them and introduced myself. If I remember correctly, they said that my ex was at the pool or in a cabana or something, or maybe she’d gone to the room? My ex did apologize, but she was really tipsy. When I flew into Key West for our last trip ever in September of 2011, I finally found her in a pool at a hotel wherein she’d texted me the name because at least that trip was in country. She was topless swimming in a pool and got out eventually when she saw me.
Don’t drink when your date isn’t there yet. Don’t even order a beer or glass of wine. Read the room, and energy. When she got there she had a Moscow Mule, I believe, and later had an Old Fashioned. I can’t drink hard alcohol, so I had two IPAs. I was definitely tipsy. She can hold alcohol way better than I can. I’ve now made a decision. No more solitary drinking. I have had a beer most nights for many, many years. But, I am done. I’ll have two beers with a friend or on a date when my date is drinking. I also will have beers when I cook for friends. It’s time for me to shift some habits and not mute things that are annoying through drinking when I’m home alone with my son. It’s dissociative. So is watching a movie on my phone. No more alone tactics like these.
My mentor puts everyone at ease and is extroverted, reads well dynamics, and the climber started getting acclimated and livened up a ton. The climber is so charming, funny and easy to talk to. She bantered with my mentor and they discussed grading in a post-COVID environment, living and teaching abroad, and also my mentor told stories from her youth and the climber engaged, was laughing and asking her questions, and was so easy and fun. What a contrast from my ex-wife who was so awkward all the time around my colleagues. She wouldn’t even let me have colleagues over for dinner and when my mentor came over after I turned 40 and had dinner with me, she buzzed around the kitchen. My mentor remarked again on how beautiful my ex-wife was. Although true, I don’t miss having to limit any social interactions and worry that when we were around people–particularly those who are educated–she would sometimes fight with me after they left. She’s not like that with her family, or two of her friends from high school, but isn’t comfortable around many people. I can’t believe that I convinced myself it was normal.
My mentor left around 8:30 or so, and the climber said, “Can I join you?” and snuggled up with me in the booth. I said, “I would love to take you out to dinner.” She said, it was probably around nine, “The hour for fine dining has passed.” I cracked up. I asked her about the conflict resolution and she said that there was some limited headway. I was so glad. We talked about how our vacations were going to shake out. She kissed me and I told her it was my lifetime quota for kissing in public. I said, “Quota is the wrong word. It’s that I’ve kissed you in public more than anyone who I have been with combined.” I said a few phrases in Spanish, and she got all fired up. Spanish just has some precision in phrasing that doesn’t translate well in English, so I use them. Check. Going forward will speak in Spanish for at least part of the night every time we’re connecting.
She ate some sweet potato fries, and I was no longer hungry at all. We talked and talked. She explained her impressions of people and not seeing gender in anyone. She talked about three days with her sister and Mom and Dad for Christmas. She talked about her camping plans. This time, she didn’t ask me about dates that I have (I have only one.) and generally seemed more confident about my not wanting exclusive. I did tell her that when I make plans, I would like to pay. I also told her that I want to go caving with her and do some hiking or climbing in the south. I think that we can do that this summer or spring. She is always game for an adventure.
We kissed, and I put my hands all over her arms and also was touching her left thigh. I always wind up touching the tops of her hands. They’re fascinating. I finally got to palm mine with hers. It’s remarkable because mine are so small for my height and hers are huge for hers. We talked about being the shortest and darkest in our families. She touched my right leg once and said, “You have on corduroys too!” We both like the sensory experience of wearing them and petting them. We talked about doing that when we are sitting or in meetings and love the feel of them. I used the word “basic.” She said that illustrates the only age difference. I guess I get it, but I am WYSIWYG. My son calls girls in white Adidas who have a certain look “basic,” so that must have been what the climber was referencing.
She got tired, hit a wall, and I put on my gear and she walked me out. When I put on my reflection straps and helmet, I felt like a dork. I apologized, and she said, “I’m waiting until you get that put away (my lock) and then I’m getting another kiss.” I remembered her her side comb, and said, “I have something for you.” She said that it was from her wedding. Besides her shoes, it was the only thing that she’d removed after the ballet when I was ultimately in a bra and underwear in my bed. I think that she was younger than me when she married the man who she’d ultimately been with for 17-years of her life. I got married to a man at 23, and was a child. I only have our album, and don’t have the garter or anything from my hair or the jewelry. I’m going to thrift my wedding dress from my second wedding over vacation. The climber talked about liking having something fancy from her wedding and I agreed. She looked so beautiful with her hair fixed last week for the ballet. I like her in a beanie, corduroys, and a down jacket too. I just like her.
I gave her a playlist on a CD, and a pink journal to write her dreams in and also things for our wedding. I had taken what I remember from seeing her through my friend’s FB and then finally meeting her in July of 2012 for the words, and then songs that I listened to during the torturous part of 2013 before we finally got our timing together. Before we left, we made love, and were able to reflect on the holiday season and the time that we had with her sister who surprised the family with a visit. We had an incredible time with her listening to hair rock and playing Super Nintendo’s Super Mario World. It was a retro fest of love.
Her sister drove home on Friday–which takes about 11-12 hours, and afterward we cleaned out our pantry after I had brought my dog back from the dog park. We had to drive back to her kick-ass apartment and pack it. Her mother and her mother’s boyfriend are in GA and left their SUV, so we were able to basically get everything down to our house. I don’t think that there is much left, and we hung some shelving and got things into the pantry. It was a really busy day before we left to get engaged.
We drove two-and-a-half hours, and then soaked in springs until night fall. The first night was cloudy, but it was very nice. The stars were phenomenal the second night. We took a small hike today. I love her. I love being engaged. I love starting my life on stable ground.
You have to approach a summit with care and planning. Further, you have to recognize where you were and how far that you’ve come when you climb a mountain or simply make changes in your life.
I did a hike with one of my friends yesterday that I had not done in 5-years, and it is funny that I remember the last legs of it being very different than it was. Some of it could be in part due to the fact that I did my first summit alone. But, who really knows why it was so different yesterday than my memory of it was. Is it because I know how to watch and go forward with planning of my next steps? Is it because it was my first and I’ve done 13 others now? Is it because it’s just not all that scary and I’ve gotten accustomed to making summits? I don’t know. The metaphor is good though. I certainly haven’t always been careful or have I planned everything.
I know now what I seek, based on where I’ve been, and I’m good enough on my own not to engage in something that will yield nothing for me or my son. I realize that is a selfish interest, but I try each day to give back and approach with good will everyone who I run into so as to share the gifts that I have, and express my gratitude.
I was sitting in a salon that is new to me to get an expensive as hell haircut last Tuesday night. I was a little tired, and the new gay male stylist (new to me!) was running late. I didn’t want to read the article that I knew I’d have to put in my proposal by three the next day, so I was half-heartedly looking at magazines on the table next to me but had not picked up any of them. I saw a thick dining guide for our city and the neighboring university town. I thought of my ex partner. She abuses alcohol, but when she is not drinking or just having one or two, she is the best companion over a meal or walking around looking at art. So? I snapped a shot of the magazine cover and emailed her. In it told her that when I see things like that, I miss her tons. She didn’t get back to me until a day later, but we had an authentic, well-connected, and warm series of interactions. I think that she is still in love with me. Although, I was never actually in love with her, I love her like a friend and still do, but I wouldn’t want to ever get involved with a woman who is addicted to anything.
That’s a lesson yielded from this now 6-year journey of being single. There are times when you just need to push through lots of pain and there are times when you just need to sit and wonder. I’ve had little hook-ups or stints that yielded nothing but that it is possible to eventually be able to have an orgasm from someone other than who you thought was the love or your life, and it’s good to learn to make red enchillada sauce from scratch.
There may be some things that you engage in too, that don’t yield much of anything. I just am. I know that I will have a more complete family some time in the future. I love yesterday and am grateful for climbing, connection, loving interactions with my son, and hearing him say to one of his good friends two Moms, “We are all going out then as a family.” That innocence and pure love makes me hopeful for what the next legs of this journey shall bring.
That’s what I keep telling every girl who I am close to currently. I don’t have anything to report, and everyone who asks me, as I’ve been back at my full-time gig this week, is quite surprised that I am not dating and don’t have anyone in the queue. I just want to have new story. I’m over all the shit with my ex and just find her really disingenuous, but it’s such old news. I haven’t seen her since the end of February, and haven’t had sex since mid-December.
Those twinges are really things to miss as though, as are looking into a girl’s eyes when you wake up in the morning. And let’s face it, when you first start dating someone, it is simply just fun and inspiring. Don’t get me wrong, I have a great life. I have gotten on the top of six different mountain tops this July. I worked out with my workout partner on Monday, and then climbed a mountain with her, my new dear friend, and my cycling partner (who I worked out with today). I am drinking my all-time favorite beer and writing for pleasure before I eat a late dinner.
However, aren’t we all tending toward looking for a story to tell? Those heart-racing, soul-consuming, and dirty flirting things that you can say to another? I can’t wait for my new story.
I had a very odd dream last night. I had to go to the dermatologist, mainly because I had to use a restroom, and when I came into the office the girl (Derm) was intensely looking at me. You know that eye contact thing that means, “Hey, you are hot or otherwise intriguing.” My son had dropped some book pages in the gutter, so I was rounding them up, and then I found a way to rebind them and order the missing pages. So, I brought them into the doctor’s office so I could chat with her. She was not my type, but as my intern who had dinner at my house rather accurately said, “Some attention is good attention.” It is.
She put the newly made books on her shelf in the waiting room. She told me that she also had a DC license for chiropractic. I liked that she was smart. I think she was Peter Pan.
What if Peter Pan had been a doctor? I think that it would have helped. I don’t like being lied to about anything, and I really found it distasteful that she just let a lie run until way after she had slept with me a bunch of times. In general too, regardless of anything, when there is no magic and spark in a kiss, it doesn’t float my boat.
Scrubs reappeared. I guess we’ll ride bikes on Friday. I asked my intern if I should just do her. I don’t really want to though, and with over seven-months under my belt, no sex is well-practiced (sadly). She honestly has huge teeth and no upper lip. I think that it would be unpleasant to kiss her.
One of the women from the outing on Sunday and I have texted a little. We are in very different places in life. She is a couple of weeks younger than Scrubs, but the latter has a little kid like I do. This woman has a raised kid, a 14-year-old, and an 18-year-old and said that she is looking forward to having both of her kids out. We are just in too different places. Also, she mostly talks about sports and outdoor adventures. I’m a little arty and love music. I also used to read all of the time (pre-dissertation) and I love to write. So, I don’t really want a jock. I like other stuff too much. I also think that she is clearly in a different life space than I am.
Taking the boys hiking today to a real fire lookout. They should be stoked. I have to stop writing now and make a quiche. (I don’t buy piecrust.) I have exactly 6-days of my vacation left, but this year will be way less working. Years seem to go by fast right now. I don’t want to engage in things that make my time spent less valuable. I plan on a good hike and connected evening.
I’ve been climbing mountains with my time. Now, I have to write all day and don’t know if I can join my workout partner at a fitness festival tomorrow morning, because my son has been really tired. I don’t think that I should get him up around sunrise on a Saturday. I can watch them, but seven-year-olds really need their sleep.
Because I have wanted to feel connected to nature, I have seen a few sunrises far from home in the last three weeks. Additionally, I walked around the peaks of two new mountains for me, and one of which is the highest point in our state. Also, I went back up to peaks that I had previously climbed which are adjacent. I had done one first in 2009, and then repeated it with both of the peaks being summited in 2010, so it was cool to go back up with one of the newer friends who I have. You really bond on a climb, and we did. Here is how my views have been as of late:
Taking a picture doesn’t really do this kind of scenery justice
I am going to meet 11 new girls on Sunday. When I was first out of my str8 marriage, I hiked with my son with some of those groups and then last summer I played kickball. I didn’t meet anyone of lasting interest and the latter caused my to blow my right quad, which I still have some issues with when I climb or walk long distances. (I just couldn’t NOT kick the hardest pitches from a frat boy type of asshole, so I paid.) However, I am hopeful that this group will yield some new people to hang out with for my last few days of vacation and into my fall.
My workout partner met one of my guy friends last week. We had a lil’ BBQ and drinks on my back patio. She is going out on a date with him tonight. I am also orchestrating at least one, if not two, other meet and greets with guys who I know over the next several weeks. She had a shitty experience with a guy from our gym–he is super hot, but is a drunk–and then a very scary thing happen early in the summer with one of our colleagues. I guess some of these meetings; although, she asked to meet my guy friends, are like big sister protection.
My ex called me early last week, and it was very odd. She said that she wanted to know how my summer was going and then she told me about a prank that she played on her friends. I would never do something that could potentially scare someone as a joke. I crack them all the time, but they are never at someone’s expense unless I really have that dynamic with someone who also teases me. I also don’t make scenes, because I don’t like directed attention unless I am speaking for my profession, but then there is that “professional distance.” I had been introduced to my ex via an old colleague who knew my ex’s best friend. I talked to her on the phone yesterday and I said, “I guess she wants to be my friend.” She said quickly, “______ , she doesn’t want to be your friend. She is obsessed with the way that things were left and that there is someone in this world who does not have a favorable impression of her.”
That was interesting. How can you think that if you are literally constantly giving negative feedback to your girlfriend or making slights and underhanded comments to her that you will leave it well? Are you kidding? When I was talking to my colleague, I told her that there was nothing that I could do well either, and she would always tell me how she was good at the same things or the best at them. Now, I do get that her athletic abilities will always surpass mine, but I don’t care. I don’t compete against anyone, and simply want to fit my sense of things, and I don’t have standards that require me to take chances. I have turned around without making a summit four times in five-years, and walked around several obstacles at both of my adventure races. I don’t have a sense of myself which requires me to prove anything. I also don’t control anyone. I don’t have that need.
Impressions that you give others result from your interactions. With distance, I get that had I stayed with my ex that all my behaviors would have been attempted to be controlled and that if I did something, she would have to do it better. In fact, there were things that she simply wouldn’t try, because she didn’t do them perfectly. Last year my birthday trip required about a mile-and-a-half of steep hiking. I climb up four to ten times that amount of distance and at much more pronounced levels of elevation gain as a hobby, so it felt like nothing even with camping gear. One of her friends said, “Wow, ______ , you are just bombing up there.” It was only until recently that I realized that is probably why she flatly refused to hike with me, and that is because it’s something that I do more, so I can do it. Wow.
She can call me. I’ll probably answer her calls if I’m not doing anything. I won’t call her. I won’t interact with her by choice either. I made my peace with thanking her for the four things that she imparted to me. I will not romanticize what is only a good show that lasted three-months and then the year-long fallout, which resulted as I actually began to know who she was and how she shows up in the world.
I can be persnickety. I am not overly friendly with new people; although, I am helpful. Even as an extrovert, I watch and observe before I make decisions. I also like things that I do a certain way–especially food. There have been times in my life that I have been attracted to toxic people. They will join with you when you are feeling badly, but now I want to seek out positive interactions. I don’t want to be around any poison. I am looking forward to meeting some positive girls tomorrow and connecting to new people in a slow, organic way. I’m done with extremity and fervor.
I remember graduating from college, finishing my first fully empirical research in 2000–which I presented in 2001 as a paper–and giving a seminar that I wrote to all special providers who do not conduct intelligence testing, and I feeling like, “What next?” I think that when you do complete something which involves lots of steps and preparation, at the end of it, you do rather wonder what it meant and why it is, indeed, done.
I dove under barrels in a five-foot deep muddy water pit and hoped that I had cleared them so I could dive under the next one when I was in freezing water. I was electrocuted and felt one shock run down the length of my left side to my foot. I ran up a halfpipe that was greased and caught the hands of two men who I don’t know, and being so dense (hehe), they had to get their buddy in the middle to pull me up. The “race” wasn’t actually about time, but it was more about finishing something completely stupid to say that I had done so. I looked like a cutter at the party and the bar last night. I’m covered in weird lacerations and am bruised everywhere.
The funny thing is, at this point, I am just really proud that I did it. We have a 10K, and what I would like to do most is get my finishing time reigned in to be a good time. Again, I will just be setting new goals. When you have your health, and you stay fit and vital, your “endings” are really more guideposts for your next “first.” I don’t want to stop running, but I will only do so once or twice a week. When I race, I want optimal performance for me that won’t be compared to anyone, but me. I don’t feel anticlimatic about anything related to the race or my future events.
I’m going to end this entry talking about Pride. Again, I had wonderful conversations with people out and about, but didn’t get to talk to the one very hot girl who was with a couple of her friends. Definitely my physical type, but probably very young and maybe bi or just newly out. No problem. The pool party, however, was a MAJOR problem. Those girls have a relationship characterized by fighting, and they basically sit and drink all day–and then one goes into their bedroom and sleeps. Not my thing. I don’t want a girl like that or do I want to be around anyone (even friends) who thinks fun is drinking all day.
Being outside, connecting to my friends, learning new physical activities, and being me is what I want to do. I’m feeling solid this summer and love where I am. Nothing is particularly shifted, but that yields balance.
Such an incredible video. I love these lyrics too.
Today, it is way less about ending a bad relationship for me. This post is more derivative of the cuts, bruises, swelling, and lacerations that are all over my body after my crazy race challenge yesterday. Here is to being able to walk around Pride!
About five-years ago, I was in my emotional shoot-out stage. You know where anything sounds good and you’d do anyone who gives you some attention. I had a friend, who incidentally I saw a few months ago, who used to put on a leather panama hat and use a bullwhip, and I guess that many of us were ok getting naked for her. I wouldn’t have sex with her, but there was a wild, drunken night at my house in the summer of 2008. I remember that my now roommate cried in my basement about that, because she wanted to date me. Turns out, I didn’t really want to date anyone and it would be six more months before I let any girl do anything below my waist with me, and that was my cowgirl with the incredible body, but bad voice and teeth.
My workout partner thinks that the woman who I met while trying to get a cushion redone and my blind fixed wants to get me naked with her partner in their pool. I think that is really hot to think about, but I won’t do much in that scenario. Mainly because that time has passed for me and went out with the bullwhip episode. I’m still intrigued about their party and their “friend.” So, we shall see.
I’m going to call Lonely Girl, Scrubs. It’s dangerous, but so is this blog. Scrubs texted me yesterday. I was at the Credit Union so I just called her. She wanted to chat too and was going to work late and drinking coffee on her stoop. We had a nice convo. I’m just not sure about her. I need more time to get to know her. I’m not really completely attracted to her, and I think that she senses that, but I do like her dimples and her legs. I should take her on a proper date. I need to hike and bike with her a few times, and then maybe will do that. That is if I’m not attracted to the Designer and her girl’s friend.
I am also fine with status quo. I get kind of ready for some action every once and awhile, but I don’t want action that is casual. I want to really know well the next girl who I wake up with in the morning, or can’t sleep next to until I am completely exhausted and the sun is rising.
Back at the drapery store or ranch… My workout partner and I went to run today, and there was a class for seniors going on in the weight room until 10:30. We took a small walk outside and dodged running sprinklers as best as we could. When we got home, she wasn’t hungry, but I was so I ate about six-servings of the quinoa salad that I had made with roasted asparagus and Italian green olives. It was a little gross and I will definitely need to run later, but not until after the plumber fixes (hopefully) my floor drain issue.
Our dog had shredded our sun shades in the livingroom several months ago, and the assembly was a nightmare to get taken down, but my intern and my workout partner helped me. Then I took the cushion whose top has become sun faded and the blind to the drapery store. This turn is where the mundane gets interesting.
I was asking the guy sitting at the counter in the drapery store how my blinds could be fixed and he told me flatly, “They can’t.” Nice social skills, pal. I decided to talk to a white dog playing in the store instead of him, and the woman who I believe owns this store came to help me. I believe that this was the same woman who had helped me when I recovered my favorite recliner. She said that I wouldn’t want the old rails on it anyway, so why didn’t I just match the blinds as best as I could. So, I started working with her instead.
Next this girl probably in her late twenties came into the store. She was wearing a pink stripped button-down and jeans. She was a cute, young blond with her hair up. She decided to strike up a conversation with me, and wound up also helping me see if there was fabric that could be ordered to recover my chair cushion.
We talked about her dog and I showed her a picture of ours who had ruined the blind in question. She talked about her bull terrier who was throwing her red ball and then retrieving it when it rolled away from her. She liked my dog, and made pleasantries with me. I thought that she was kinda looking at my legs, but figured it was because I looked like total shit in running shorts, a sports bra, and a stretched out tank from 1998. Then she started talking to me about her ex gf. Interesting. Then about her current partner and raising this dog who is pretty anxious given that she was abandoned by her ex. Finally, when I was leaving, she gave me a business card with her personal cell on it. We have been texting. Apparently, I’m going to a pool party and she has some “friends” for me Pride Sunday. Could be an interesting weekend.
We had an extremely busy weekend. I did my last Boot Camp with my boss and also my workout partner before our crazy, dangerous obstacle half, and then went straightaway to a bday party for a girl in my son’s Hip Hop class, after that was pictures for recital and then we headed home. My basement had flooded the night before so I cleaned it up, and then when I showered (Good Lord, did I need it.), I flooded it again. I hope that it’s just the main sewer line that needs to be jetted. I don’t have nine-grand laying around for a new sewer line. Please!
Today after church I cooked a little and then packed it up and took it to a very busy park. We picnicked, played frisbee, took two walks with our pup, and a hot mother played with my son and showed him how to throw and catch a football. Str8 or not, she was really fun to talk to and had a great ass. My friend who met us said, “Sad to see you go, but very fun to watch you walk away.” Hahahaha! It was cool, because my son was super snotty and moody and she heard him, and then said, “Sometimes I wonder why the alpha male woke up in the morning?” I laughed and told her thanks and then when I came back, she had her son, who was probably five-years older than mine, ask him to play. She and her brother-in-law played catch with him and taught him stuff. I gave her a couple of cans of the craft beer that we were drinking. She was appreciative, but perhaps not as appreciative as I was given that she played with my son a bit, and I could talk to my friend. It’s so funny because the sermon today was on generosity and noticing it in others. I noticed it. She was a very compassionate and caring Mom. Hot was just a bonus.
I’m pretty damn happy. My friend had to move in because her girl and she are not quite ready to take the shack up plunge. I think that I want to clean out my office and get another roommate. When I have to start paying off this doc, I don’t want to have much debt. With us making less every year at work, and health insurance for my son and I tripling, my debt sucks. And when I do my post-doc, I’ll have to make nothing. So, I think that I want to live with peeps for awhile. It would be good for me, and perhaps for my son. I’m going to put out the good roomie finder juju. Just hanging out and doing things that float my boat.
I have some little things floating around in my brain… I want to tell it and talk about what these random thoughts are percolating in my head that is probably mostly a consequence of only working part-time and adjusting to that schedule SUPER FAST. I went to pick up the girl who I wound up caravanning with on Sunday night and her niece was in the kitchen. This girl is more upperclass than what I’m used to and I think also comes from money, so although she was in scrubs, she said, “Would you like a beer?” I told her that would be something that I’d never decline. Her niece who had been watching me said, “You sound like my mother.”
I said, “Ew… That’s definitely a Top Ten List something that I don’t want to hear,” and I looked at her again, and said, “There is probably no way that I could be your mother.” Then she said, shudder, “My mother is sixty.” I took it wrong though. Without skipping a beat, I said that was perfectly charming. We laughed and started up a conversation with my date who opened the beer and handed it to me. Rich girls do have very good manners. I think that there must be a difference between those who come from money and those who have made money. Bette doesn’t have anywhere near that level of finesse. The present girl then said that she was heading upstairs to change.
Her niece kept watching me. When she did we talked easily. She asked how old I was, and when I told her that I was 38, she said, “You look good!” A little color rose to her face, and I figured she was about the age of a graduating senior, so I said, “Oh, remember, I’m 60,” and then I winked at her. She flushed more and continued to talk. She then asked if I was single, and I said, “Very. I haven’t even been with anyone in 6-months. It feels good to be on woman detox.” Then she said, “I should ask ____, about that because I’m pretty curious.” I said, “I think that it’s kids in your age group. They don’t really see sexuality as an issue at all, and then girls, in general are always socialized well; therefore, being allowed to touch each other and holds hands and such. It seems like a natural extension. But…” I had to glance at her a little more while she was casually drawing and sitting down across the counter in the kitchen from me, “I do think that you are straight.” Then she said, “But, I’m very turned on by women,” and again more color rushed to her face.
Ha. That is some good stuff. Here is a child 15-16 years my junior who is all torqued up talking about women with me. I had this rebound thing last summer with Peter Pan when I was 37, and I found that her 31 was waaaaay too young. I highly doubt that any 23-year-old would hold an appeal for me, but it was fun, and it was interesting. I think that I need to grab a drink tonight. I have a damn job interview at 9:30 tomorrow morning, so I will have to take the boy to my folks’ house so I can do that. (I’m still not sure what I’ll be doing for supervision next school year.) I’m going to go out a bit and maybe even bar hop. I need to let these musings in my mind and body have a little life in them. 😉
OK, I didn’t swing my legs over the cargo net because the wind came up too high, and I didn’t do the horizontal one suspended 20-feet in the air, or the leapfrog scaffoldings that were angled, but I will do those in two weeks. Promise. I did everything else and ran 5-miles and all the A-frame fences with just a rope which were super high, and one culminated in a platform 18-feet in the air that you had to run off of to then jump into a 15-foot mud pool. These combined with trail running up switchbacks full of loose dirt were crazy. I’ll be ready for more in two weeks, and have a strong sense of accomplishment right now.
I ate carbonara like a refugee, and I also grilled some NY strip for it medium rare and piled a huge amount of salad on my plate. One of my best friends who I have known for 12-years cooked for me tonight and I got to hang out with a very handy friend of hers and both of her daughters. It is amazing that her daughter is a senior next year and I remember her at 5. She is a wonderful young woman. I love her youngest too–she is just eight-months older than my son.
My son did the quarter mile twice and got very dirty in his new Keens and he stayed to watch me. That was so nice of my ex-husband to do that. I’m proud of him, and I am very glad that he got to watch me jump from the platform into the water. I lost my handkerchief on that one and I looked cute in it, so I’ll have to go back to the Army Surplus tomorrow.
I’m comfy. Lonely girl texted to see if I was around this weekend, and I just called her back. She wants me to call her tomorrow. I’m not sure about her in general. What I’m sure about is that I did a lot of “firsts” today, as did my son. I have wonderful friends. My life is full and happy.
So, it’s nearly here. My five-mile. Given that I had done my B weights late at night last night, I was sleeping soundly when I got a wrong number at 12:30. Arg! Maybe it was divine intervention, but it still made me mad as I was sleeping so well. I’m groggy right now, and pounding coffee having dropped off my son at school.
Gonna run our dog a little. She is very hard to run because she is a boxer mix and does a lot of weird furtive movements. Right now because I’m in a tank and running shorts, she jumps sideways and wags her whole booty when I get up to get coffee and the like. I was told that she is also German Shepherd–she is very beautiful–but whatever her other half is, makes her FAST. It is hard to run her. She outruns all the dogs even at a packed dog park.
It’s cold. I like it. I didn’t like biking to the reservoir with my new cycling partner yesterday given the headwinds. The 21-miles was agony. Like always though, I’m glad that I do that stuff. This weather is great for running. I hope that I feel that way after my 5-mile Saturday! I was dreaming about my cycling partner when I got the two wrong number calls after midnight. That doesn’t matter much because she is a str8 girl, and I love her bf. I just think that I’m ready to sleep with someone, but I won’t do it because I don’t want more of the same. Sex complicates everything and I want to enter into dating mindfully the next time through and don’t care when the next time through is. I kinda want to see my psychologist. I should see if she has had any cancellations today.
I got the most disingenuous text from lonely girl on Wednesday. I wanted her to bring her daughter to an activity that is unique at my current clinical site. I’ll be taking girls back there who are clients next week, so I wanted a dry run of the equipment. The artist is really fun to hang out with as well. It was cool because the kids got to make art, but it turned out only to be my son. No biggie. He loved it.
Lonely girl wanted to reschedule for Thursday, as she didn’t have her daughter much this week. When I said that joint custody must be lonely–given that I miss my son by Saturday night on my non-weekends–as I’m used to full custody, she promptly followed-up with why that is not true and how her life has perfect balance. I found it so lacking in normal vulnerability. When I told my cycling partner about it yesterday, she said, “Maybe she just wants to be perfect.” I let my workout partner read it and she laughed hard and said, “Wow! That’s arrogant!” She continued to laugh and I probed her a bit, and she said, “Really? That makes it sound like she wants for NOTHING in her life.” I said that is probably not accurate, because only last month she was asking me questions about how you meet girls. But, then she said, “I think that she is selling herself as perfect and that her life is one that we all should aspire to because she has EVERYTHING that she needs–enough friends, enough workout time, just everything and doesn’t need anyone.” Either way, I didn’t like the candor. I’m not going to make any plans with her unless she sets something up. There is imbalance about her, and she seems really weird.
I’m hoping to have some new adventures to blog here at some point, but whenever that shall be, will be. I have a new blog that I’m keeping up with well, and I use my identity as it details some aspects of my clinical work. I like to write there too, but look forward to someday having some sexy stuff again. Right now is not the time. Time to run our dog. I’m grateful for friends, cool weather, a workable schedule, and our house. It’s not that I want for nothing and that I think I’m perfect. I’m simply really good where I am, and trust my journey. I hope that all who make my day by interacting with me here, enjoy their weekends.
I had a wonderful day yesterday, so now I’m reflecting on it. Now, I’m looking forward to my hump day, which would have started out with a 30-mile bike ride, but it seems really cloudy and like it could continue to rain. I don’t like slipping around inclines on trails on my very light road bike. I don’t think that it actually rained much at my house, but there are huge gray clouds, so my new cycling partner and I are going to do an afternoon ride tomorrow. I did my Day A yesterday, and it combined with humidity and heavy clouds promoted the best sleep that I’ve had in weeks. However, I had a really somewhat unsettling dream.
I was in my black cocktail dress that is fitted at the waist, and I am not sure why I was because I had a slew of adolescents in a day treatment program with whom I was working. Lonely girl was there and working with them as well, because she was giving information on psychopharmacology. It should be noted that I would never be in a slinky black dress if I was working with adolescents or if I was at work, but I was. She was talking to me, and then when I was talking to a group of boys, I turned around and she started touching my back, and then started tending to a blemish that I apparently had on my low back. This dress is not backless, but it was in the dream.
Later after the clients were in her huge backyard in a group, she and I were drawing on a white board and talking about ethnicity, and I told her what everyone who just meets me and is somewhat gauche says, and that’s “What are you?” I get a range. I think that I look Italian, but I get Greek, Asian, and sometimes get asked if I’m Latina, which is more confusing since I do speak some Spanish. She laughed. We talked more and I sat on her back porch. She sat down and put her legs around the back of my right arm and moved herself against me. Then she pulled me to her with her legs, and wound up having her lower body completely pressed against my upper arm and her knees were against my stomach and back. I could feel her heat. At that point, I was really turned on and she asked if I liked her. I said, “Well, I certainly find you attractive, but we have a house full of kids. I’ll have to come back tonight.”
Wow. I think that all the manifest content of that is that I really do miss sex in general. It’s been a couple weeks shy of six-months. I told my workout partner last night that I know that I let my ex say abusive shit to me for as long as I did because she met companionship needs and that I knew that when I stopped seeing her (completely) that I would have a dry spell.
This particular round of celibacy is somewhat self-inflicted because it’s rare for me to be attracted to someone. I was not attracted to Peter Pan, but thought that she was sweet and earnest and it was really flattering to have someone so into you when your ex was doing more push and pull, and you hadn’t had sex with her in three months. That was last summer though. I am not attracted to lonely girl. And she only texts very rarely. She has a nice smile, gorgeous dimples, and I like her hands, but she really is not someone who you’d want to date. I’m done with rich girls too. I think that I also dreamt about her because one of my best friends just broke up with her bf who slept with his best friend a couple weeks ago. He had been in love with his best friend his whole life. She said, “It would be like if you and I got drunk and hooked up.” I said quickly, “That would actually be a mistake because it would affect our 12-year friendship.”
Sex does affect a friendship. With Shane and with Bette (my actual exes), I was not friends with either of them first. So, I’m cool with both of them, but don’t seek them out or makes plans to see them. This particular girl who I dreamt about and I are pseudo friends. It’s not a friendship though. It was odd that I lain in bed for sometime this morning before I got out because I was given pause. I was aroused when I woke up. In the dream it was easy for her to pull my arm against her with her knees. I think that it’s good that if she does get into touch to hang out, I will have my son and she will have her daughter. That will put a halt on any moves she might have. Maybe it’s a cautionary thing. She has a terrible reputation with the 40ish outdoorsy set who I met last September. It’s all regarding that she is not one that you’d want to get into a relationship with, but I think if both parties are open, that is their business in terms of who they sleep with, but I’m not into open. I don’t have time for it either. I also don’t want to have sex with someone who had a relationship with one of my ex’s best friends. No thanks.
I wonder what I will have capacity to do on Saturday night. Probably not much. The race is only five-miles, but it’s got a lot of climbing and lifting combined with water. My son is doing the quarter-mile, so it will be really nice to see him on a weekend that is not mine. I’m proud of him for trying. I imagine that when I get home, I will not be into doing anything but taking a hot bath and using ice and Tiger’s Balm. My intern and her best friend are going to eat dinner with me, so I am pre-cooking on Friday night. These are those times when it’s really nice to have an uncomplicated pinch hitter. Like an ex who you’d never want to be with, but are cool with. If I’m being completely honest with myself, if Shane were still ten-minutes away, I could see myself saying, “Hey, can we hook up for a couple of hours this weekend? Is there a window wherein you will not be having a drop?” That would probably piss her off, but she and I had the most consistent sex of anyone who I’ve slept with, and I would never want to be with her. It’s rare to have something so uncomplicated. Gotta eat, clean and write.
I’ve gotten really good at this single thing. I like it too. Oddly, I do especially at night. I can work out. Read and write. I can drink a beer or two after I’ve worked out, or I can determine that my walk is enough cardio and not work out extra. I don’t have to worry about anyone’s moods or do I have to explain my client schedule or have feelings of guilt when it goes into the night.
I did have clients through the night, which I won’t anymore! Woo-hoo! (My class ends June 30th and my job is open 8 – 12 as of next Tuesday.) I was at the art studio for about an hour on Wednesday, and when I’m not working with my girls on projects, my son and one of his friends can make art. That is going to be amazing. I think life is going to be keen.
I’m doing my scary obstacle half in three-weeks, and then two weeks after that I’m learning how to rock climb. Everything else for the last month of my partial vacation will be easy, and I just have a little 10k, but I’d like to have some social stuff in between all the writing that I must complete. That will start tonight.
After I had my dinner party with the women who are in longterm relationships (We can’t have marriages in this state.), I have kept in touch with all of them. I’ll see at least two, if not three, of the couples tonight, because one of the couples are going on a year-long vacation. They don’t have any kids right now, so it’s a good time to do it. I invited lonely girl and church girl. We will see who shows. I don’t really hustle for newer friends. It just has to have a good show-up factor, and if it doesn’t, I don’t add them as friends to my life.
Being out and about tonight is something that I’m really looking forward to though. I’m going on a 35-mile bikeride with my supervisor this morning, and then am eating lunch and having two beers with my colleague who is my new cycling partner. I only have one client before the party. Summer is getting in full swing. I’m lucky.
So, my friend was chatting me this evening and asking questions about ASD diagnosis. I was kinda annoyed having to do shop talk while I was just logging in, and was a little short, but she didn’t even notice. Then she told me that I needed to race one of her friends. I had cyberstalked her page and knew the name, and this lanky blond really stood out and had an incredible body, but she has a really gummy smile. I had dated this cowgirl who didn’t have a nice smile in December of 2008 and stopped in February of 2009. She also had an amazing body and great ass, but her teeth were terrible. They even made her lips chap the next morning. She was stellar in bed too, but the teeth combined with her little girl voice killed it for me. I’m still probably in karmic hell for my break-up with her…
Anyway, I played the age card and said that this lanky blond would waste me in a running race, and she said that they were both 32. 6-years is a big difference. And that is opposite in the Chinese Zodiac too. The woman with whom I had my coming out affair was 6-years older than me, so I guess that I didn’t like the smile of the woman who I should have a race with probably had a deeper meaning. I do believe in intuition and chemistry… Then she started talking about this other blond…
I asked her to get onto a computer and tell me when her bday was. She’s a Scorpio. She just got demolished by her ex partner and went back to her. Then my colleague said, “We all screamed about her mixing with her ex,” because “that girl was toxic,” and she is not really “ready to date.” Sounds like me. Except I have the darkest brown hair that everyone argues is black. But, chances are that she has light eyes.
Anyway, she and I should get to know each other if we have chemistry. That is there or it’s not. I wasn’t attracted to the picture of my ex, and I was to this girl’s pic. Now, it’s the face to face thing. And my upholding what I have promised myself, and that is dates in the daylight. Maybe we can run or lift? I hope she likes to hike. I don’t care if she drinks beer. I’m just ready to meet her, and am hopeful.
I am going to do some vertical climbing. I’ve never done it, and am very scared of heights, but it’s guided and was only $50. I have to wrap my brain around it, but I just don’t believe in living with fear. I started climbing mountains in 2008, and I have done some ledges and the like in addition to being on all fours when it gets steep, but I have not done vertical…. Yet.
I was driving up a forest road in my old Accord in 2008–it’s actually a very nice car, but I had to give it to my ex out of fairness–and parts of this road were missing at the time. People kept turning around and I was like, “Nah.” So I did this weird maneuver around the side of the ditch and then swung the wheel 180-degrees, but I dented the shit out of my oil pan. It’s not like when you do something like that you can exactly turn around, so I just bombed up, but my car was smoking and lead to my having to repair it later. The roads were turning from private, to missing, to zoned for parks, to National Forest Roads, so when there was a switchback later and a little driveway, I just turned around. It was 5:45 in the morning.
I wound up driving around an old mining site and to a paved road, and finally parking low in a pass area. That is how I completed my first summit, and I did it solo. It was a much more difficult mountain in terms of technicality at the end and hugging a sawtooth and some scree when you would wind up a bit off trail, but I did it, and I did it completely on my own. The latter was kinda stupid, so I did wind up climbing with another person after my first summit.
I think that is interesting, because I’m actually terrified of heights, but that’s the whole thing… I don’t believe in being hobbled by our fears. People say trite stuff like “Face your fears,” but more than that is examining what you can do to pass through them. I don’t think that when you live somewhere as beautiful as I always have with the exception of when I was in undergrad and my first round of grad school that you should let things that make you anxious rule you. So, I just don’t.
I have given away my heart and been nakedly vulnerable. I have completed 11-summits. I have paddled down a strange river through tree roots and under swampy trees and weird spiders. I have hung onto the back of a girl on motorcycles and jet skis. These are not my comfort zones, but I have changed as a result of engaging in these activities.
So, now, in June, I’m going to climb some verticals with equipment. Ultimately, I will be glad that I tried it. Face what terrifies you.
I think that the path to being whole is truly being authentic and honest with yourself. That is so easy to say, but really difficult to work through when you examine and then change. With being vulnerable and naked with your emotions, it is worth the gamble, because you just change. I think that when I give the sermon, I would like that to be a thematic tie. I need to take a peek at my readings and face that fear too. I speak in public all the time, but don’t have to talk about things that I’m not deep in understanding or require me to connect to my experiences. But, that is the whole approach to being spiritual right? It’s not dogmatic, sanctimonious, or does it suggest that one way is right. It’s scary, but I want to face it like my vertical that is coming up too.
Church was cool and like a culmination of things, which is probably what it should be like, on Easter Sunday. I had a pretty damn busy Monday with two acute cases in addition to my regular afternoon caseload. I think that I finished set A, but I can’t remember, because the weight room was packed when my partner and I got there and I was not in the mood to keep good count. (I mean my workout partner, and not my partner-partner.) I was angry yesterday, and the weights helped, but I know that I didn’t spend what should have been my last 30-minutes of my night wisely, because I drank beers and chatted two of my work colleagues who have become friends. I stayed up way too late and had pretty shitty sleep. The nights that I have class can be long if I don’t get down time in between. I will think about tonight, which is only 11-hours of work including a run, as a gift as is getting home at 6.
I was thinking about the message today, rather than yesterday or even in particular during church. (I had a lot to do during the service.) Our pastor told us that the gifts that we have been bestowed were freely given, so they are to be used as an extension of our hearts and our true selves. Meaning that we can express them in a manner of our choosing. That gave me a lot of clarity this morning. I figured if you get anything from a relationship with someone that is actually a gift if was freely learned. You simply cannot make someone understand or get something from you, but if you come out changed, it is ultimately a good circumstance for you.
I’m ready to date again. I know that I am. I wish that it was simple to meet nice girls. I also wish that the bar scene was a bit different, but it’s not, and I don’t think that I will meet a wonderful girl in a bar, but I could. It will have been four-months since I have kissed anyone in just two weeks. That is a good amount of space. I had heard that half the length of your previous relationship is optimal, and interestingly, that would be during my evil mud obstacle race. Can you meet your one when she is covered in head to toe with mud?
I think that I’m actually still sick. Last night I took my son and his best friend to a musical presentation and story hour for kids, and it was actually overrun by toddlers and preschoolers. They were good for over half and hour and then the running, jumping, yelling, and crying while they were trying to listen to the stories and songs got to them, so they wanted to look at books. Such sweet 7 and 8 year-old boys–they wanted to sit by each other on the couch and read books. They are so innocent, and sit right by each other and hug and talk close. I swear when the inevitable happens and some stupid kid calls him, “fag,” in 5th or 6th grade, because he loves his best friend, I will have trouble not coming unhinged. My little guy is sensitive and sweet, and I would prefer him to stay that way and not become sexist and homophobic. I loved watching them watch the musician last night; although, I realized that I was still very sick.
When I came home, my head was pounding and I felt like complete shit. This thing hangs on even through 1700 mg / day of antibiotics. That is one scary infection.
Coffee seems good. I’m not coughing when I drink it. I’m only supposed to drink two cups instead of 3 – 5, and that pisses me off. I went and had my annual on Monday and the Nurse Prac gave me some shit. I felt like saying, “I parent. I work constantly. I’m writing a book. I haven’t gotten laid since 12/15. I’m going to drink as much coffee before 10 am as I’d like. Thanks.” I just said, “Well, I’m doing 60-hours a week right now and don’t have any that effects my night sleep. I also like to drink beer and won’t cut that out either.” I think that it would be one thing if I had health problems and was hefty–neither of those things are true. For my age, I look smaller than nearly every woman who I see with the exception of runners. I’m muscular though, and people under-guess my weight by 20 – 30 pounds. I just don’t want to be sick with a head and chest thing any longer. I’m all set.
I keep thinking how the ocean air and sun would knock that out. I can’t afford to fly though, and I’m not positive that I have a place to stay in reality. My best friend from grad school (Well, my first round of grad school.) called me and was shocked that we had the same break. Her “I don’t want a relationship, and I have made myself fall out of love with you because we are open, guy,” is in town all weekend. He’s introducing her to his kids. They have slept together for a year. It will be interesting to hear about how that stuff goes.
I feel badly, but I wonder if I could handle one of my best friend’s from middle school live-with bf either. He seems like a misogynistic pig from his posts. Like a southern-guy GUY. I can’t stay with my ex because I don’t want to be in party central and her parents live with her. I also don’t want to have sex with her ever again.
I guess that I’d have to stay with the biker ;). Sometimes she has a gf, so I’d have to see… My ex has two motorcycles, but when I say “biker” in this case, I mean beach biker and urban cyclist. She actually looks a lot like my ex, but is way thinner and lankier–that’s what I like too. Gigantic muscles, mostly blond, and huge light eyes. The difference is that this one has great legs. That is a good fantasy while I wake up. We have amazing chemistry too. I’ll text one of her best friends who lives here next week. I should actually feel that sitch out a little. That’s a safe hook-up if she is single, and I know that since everyone tells me everything, I can get her best friend to tell me if she is currently single. I sure as hell am single. Good Lord, I have not been this single in almost three years. Sex seems good. I run the risk of turning into a pig.
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