I am not sure why it’s fucking me up so bad that my ex is dying or simply awaiting a transplant, but it is. (I averaged 111 bowling today. I can’t live with myself.) I am reading through our relationship. Cliff notes: meet in a bar, have a fun summer, the main other girl she’s fucking says that they have to be girlfriends, I don’t need friends, I bounce, she texts me around the New Year of ’10, we have a romantic rekindling that wasn’t just sex, and then by the end of the month she eventually starts seeing her previous girlfriend and I concurrently again, I start to actually have feelings, and then she moves to the southeast. Here was that bullshit with circumstances that I don’t ever want to repeat:
She came over Wednesday night, but I had seen her every night the previous weekend, and none of the days were all that good–some were plain awful. The only night that we actually had plans were Friday, and she had tried to cancel those. Saturday, I ran into her by chance–if you are one who believes in coincidences, which I don’t–and she invited me out for a drink on Sunday afternoon.
Anyway, a friend of mine had an extra to a concert Saturday because her cousin couldn’t get a sitter. She and I had a date the night before, which she had tried to cancel late Monday night under the guise of having seen me once by chance, and when I should point out that she flatly refused to go home with me or let me caravan to her place for a few only to wind up texting me. I know that I wrote about that. She had also seen me for her birthday, because she wanted to spend her birthday with me. I’m not into trade-ins. EG. “I’ve seen you, so we don’t have to follow through on plans we’ve had for six-weeks.” I would let her out of them. She wouldn’t text back, so I told my BFF from out-of-state if she let them fall through, I wouldn’t make plans with her again. My BFF said, “It will be really good for you when she is finally gone.” She’s right–it’s toxic.
Not wanting to make friction, I texted her that I was going to be at the concert because a friend of mine, who she met the night that she refused to go home with me (Again, only to text me, “You can’t come over?” a couple of hours later.), as she had a extra ticket. I knew that she’d be there with the other girl from summer. This was the one with whom she’d ended her relationship with so that she could sleep with me again. I did not contact her for four months, and she texted me when the New Year began. You’ll maybe remember that when we reconnected, she moved my hair off my neck and whispered in my ear, “I’ve missed you so much. I never stopped thinking about you for four months.” All of that may be true, but she gets something out of companionship with this girl too. And it is weird to me, because she describes her as “selfish, a non-reciprocator, a bad kisser, and a bitch.” WTF, does she say about me, and to her possibly? I’ll get to that too.
Friday had good and bad parts last weekend. I liked it when she held me in the restaurant. I liked it when she acknowledged how consistent I am and that hold her to her word. Sex sucked. If she wants us to be FBs sex should be phenomenal. (It was on Wednesday night, and I’ll get to that too.) I knew that it sucked because she was pissed that I told her that she needed to follow through on our plans, and I also knew that she’d be with the other woman at the concert. Her energy changes when she sees her, and it is not for the better.
Saturday I texted her that I would be at the concert. Then, of course, our tickets were a mere 10 rows and 3 seats apart. She was above me with her ex-girlfriend that she has been sleeping with again since the end of January. I knew that I’d see her; although, she said that we would “have to plan it.” It’s good that she thinks that she has psychic abilities, but I just knew that our seats were too close together. Walking up the enormous flights of stairs, I saw her at one of the cabanas in line for a drink, so I hit her shoulder and walked on. We were texting back and forth, and she had her phone out. She had the audacity to say, “You should go. It is going to be awesome.” I texted her, “I’m not worried.” Which I was not, but that didn’t change just because I knew that I would see her and didn’t want any drama. That’s not me. So, a few more texts were exchanged and I said, “BTW, that was me who hit you.” And she said, “I know, but you move fast.” I said, “Are you not glad? I’m not into drama and am sure that you’d like to avoid it too.”
Then there she was. I was in line with my buddy and some of her friends, and there was my girl. She hugged us both. Then in a bit, my very good friends (They are partners of five-years.) were there too. She knows one of them personally because one night in January, she invited us both over for a drink. Which later freaked her out. That girl’s partner was looking at my girl like, “Who the fuck are you?” Her partner saw it and said, “_____ , this is _______ !” And then she regained her composure. In fact, I was impressed with her, because my girl has not asked if she liked her. She doesn’t. She told me, “Not what I expected. She is skinny and butch.” Oh well. She’s not my girlfriend anyway. Fine we all met. Let’s be on our ways. Nope.
I got back in line with my friend. My girl went to the of the line. I said, “Come up here.” And when I finally got her to, I said, “Give me your ID.” She got all weird and started handing me a $20. I told her to put her money away, and she refused a bit, and then said, “Well, just get a well drink then.” I told her that was bullshit and I could get her Grey Goose. Weirdo. It gets weirder. She touched my ass! If she pulled that shit with me with the other girl when we were out on a date, I’d probably not talk to her again. My buddy and I went to a table, and then she joined us. We talked together, and drank. Then the next act had been playing for some time and my friend mentioned it. She said that she was going back in, and my girl said that she wanted to see this guy too. Then she actually caressed my ass! Wow! She gave me hug and went back to her seat. After she had stopped texting me, I thought, “You are a fucking chump! She is up there talking shit about you with the other girl, just like she does about her with you.”
So, on Sunday when she invited me out for a drink on a patio, I was lucky enough for my son’s Dad to say, “Yes” to coming over to babysit. I walked across a busy street in a tank, Birks, and jeans, and a guy in a Range Rover waved me across. I couldn’t see her; although, she said that she had a table outside. I went in, and came out to the patio and kept looking and couldn’t see her, and was starting to get really pissed. Finally, I saw her, and she didn’t stand up or give me a hug. Steve McQueen. Fuck You. Talking, talking, talking. “I liked the way that you stopped traffic.” I said, “No, he was just cool, and waved me across. In a cocktail dress and heels maybe.” The latter is true. That is when straight guys typically get very aggressive and won’t leave me alone. More talking, and talking, and bullshit small talk. I was furious by then.
Finally, I get my chance, “So, do you talk shit about me to ________ ? Do you tell her that I’m selfish and a bitch?” I told her everything that was on my mind Saturday and she was furious. I was so lucky that we were in a public place. I’ll get to that too. After awhile she convinced me that the other girl doesn’t even know my name, and that she doesn’t think that I’m a bitch, etc. I’m not. But, I don’t want to be sleeping with someone who talks shit about me either. After a lot of heated discussion, we agreed to let it go–forever. I told her that I believed that she doesn’t talk about me negatively to her, and she said that she believed that I believed her at her word. We hugged. I gave her a kiss and we parted.
She sent me a text an hour and a half later which said, “I didn’t realize that you had your son back and it would be work to come meet me. Thanks for doing so.” I didn’t respond and talked to my BFF out of state, and said, “Right now, I’m done. I don’t care if I see her this week.” She reiterated that she just needs to move, and I need to move on.
I did see her Wednesday, and it was obvious that she had not let it go. She actually went off on me. She accused me of taking out my anger on her, not trusting her, and told me that I don’t mean shit to her and that I expect something long-term. Nah, her shit, and I’m not going to take it on. So, she upped the ante and started to leave. That did upset me for a variety of reasons. One, I wanted some good intimacy, two, I had done nothing wrong, and three, she drank an entire bottle of wine. She said that my being upset was because I have “expectations” of her now and this is not what she wants or why we are together. I got her calmed down, and told her, “Let’s just have fun then.”
When she finally was better, and had yelled at me enough, and also looked at me like she hated me enough, we finally undressed. She started apologizing. I said, “Let’s not do that again.” She said a bit later, “Thanks for putting up with me.” Then she blamed it on PMS. It was more than that though, because I called her on her bullshit, the moon was full, and she wants to call all the shots. O.K., I’m cool with that, but be consistent. It was the best sex that we’ve had since August. It’s called make-up sex, is it not? I think that I want that to be my last memory of her here in this state.
Again, I am a list maker:
- Don’t fuck someone and ask or listen to other stories about who they are fucking too
- Don’t drink heavily with someone who you’re fucking; if that woman gets one drink over the line, go home no matter what
- Make very concrete plans with someone before you go to the date and keep those plans consistent
- If someone you’re on a date who starts getting angry, have a line. The line could be, “This isn’t fun or easy right now. Let’s stop hanging out until it can be fun and easy again.”
- Don’t have another date with some woman who is angry, pissy, or raises her voice.
- Don’t think or dwell on what any woman you’re dating is doing when you’re not seeing her or have plans with her
- Avoid messes. Be honest.
- If a woman who you’re dating tells you that she’s going exclusive with someone else, delete her number and block her after saying your parting words.